LITMIR.BIZ

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on the planet. She nipped in a quick breath but it didn’t lessen the compressing band around her chest. She couldn’t think anything at all beyond a total rejection of a world that didn’t have this man in it.

      ‘I’m being practical.’

      I hate practical, she thought.

      ‘I need to make provisions,’ he said, perfectly aware that he had flung himself headlong into the practicalities of his new role because it delayed the moment when he’d have to face up to the other aspects—aspects he felt unqualified to tackle.

      Could love be learnt? Or were the experts who claimed that a person who’d not been loved as a child could never feel that emotion in their own life right?

      He pushed aside the questions in his head and continued. ‘Oh, and the trust fund, they can run the details past you next. I’m assuming that you would like to be one of the trustees?’

      With all the talk of trust funds and wills, Lily’s head had started to spin. ‘This is all very—’ She looked at him with a frown and shook her head. ‘I thought you’d want to ask me questions...’

      ‘About what?’ He pretended not to understand the you’ve got to be joking look she slung him.

      ‘Emmy.’ Her frown deepened as she struggled to name the emotion she had seen flicker in his eyes before they shuttered and the blue surface showed nothing but her own reflection. ‘Don’t you want to know about her?’

      ‘I don’t know much about babies...she seemed to have all the right bits in the right places...’ he said, feeling as lame as he knew he sounded. ‘I know she has a good set of lungs.’

      The inspired observation made her smile, then a moment later she stiffened. ‘How? How do you know?’

      It was not difficult to see that her imagination was running riot. ‘I saw her, remember.’

      ‘And she was crying? Why...what?’

      ‘Don’t panic!’ He put his hands up in a calming gesture. She had leaned forward in her seat and looked ready to throttle the information out of him if he didn’t cough it up. ‘She’d fallen and bumped her head, chasing a cat, I think.’ His hand went to his throat. ‘She ate my tie.’ His blue eyes softened at the memory.

      Lily leaned back in her seat. ‘Everything goes in her mouth.’ She caught herself smiling and stopped. ‘So what’s the deal here, then? Do you want to spend time with her?’

      ‘Of course I do. She’s mine, I’d like to get to know her.’

      ‘A child takes up a lot of time, and you have a very busy schedule.’ It didn’t seem like a massive leap to make; a man didn’t reach his position unless he was a bit of a workaholic.

      Ice formed in his expression as he listened to her. ‘Are you trying to suggest that I’d put my work ahead of my child?’

      She looked surprised by the question. ‘It wouldn’t make you unique, but what I’m actually trying to say is that people don’t realise how much hard work a small child can be...even if it is just for the odd weekend.’ She dropped the napkin she had been twisting between her fingers, as the mental door she had closed against speculation opened another inch. ‘When you look after her, will you have a nanny?’ It seemed a massive extravagance to Lily for the handful of hours involved, but then he could afford it. ‘If you do, I’d like to be part of that choice.’

      ‘So you’ve no objection to nannies?’

      ‘Better a nanny than your latest girlfriend.’

      ‘So you want to be part of that choice too? Or am I to be celibate?’

      ‘Laugh if you want but—’

      ‘Relax. I want to get to know my daughter without third parties.’

      Would there come a time when he would consider her an intrusive third party? The panic inside her grew until she was within a second of telling him she’d changed her mind, that she wasn’t agreeing to anything at all. But then his calm voice cut through her inner turmoil.

      ‘I’m not trying to kidnap her, you know. I just want to be part of her life. I want—’ He paused and thought, What? What do you want, Ben? The answer, when it came to him, made him relax back in his seat. ‘I want her to know that if she ever needs me I’ll be there.’

      There was no question that he was genuine. He would be there for Emmy. And that was something I was going to deny her? Suddenly overwhelmed by a tide of guilt, Lily looked away.

      ‘You sure about the salad?’

      Lily looked up. ‘What?’

      Ben was watching a platter of seafood being whisked past the table. ‘That looks really good.’

      ‘I’m really not hungry.’

      ‘Do you want me to be there when you tell your mother?’

      The suggestion made her eyes fly wide. ‘No, I don’t! I hadn’t even thought about telling her.’

      He laid down his glass. ‘I really don’t think that’s an option, do you?’

      ‘No...yes...there’s no need to go public with this, is there? It’s private.’

      Ben’s jaw clenched as he guessed that by private she actually meant secret. ‘Oh, no, I want you to send me report cards and...’ He gave a contemptuous grimace. ‘Of course I want to “go public”, as you put it. After I’ve broken the news to my grandfather, that is.’

      Lily leaned back in her chair. ‘Oh, God!’

      ‘Oh, he’ll be delighted. Once he gets over the fact he’s been living half a mile from his granddaughter for two years. Two years he’s missed out on.’

      Lily lowered her gaze from his expression. It was obvious that Ben was no longer talking about his grandfather.

      ‘Everything is going to change,’ she realised.

      He was never going to forgive her. With a sinking heart she recognised the fact that this much, at least, would never change.

      She looked up and saw the mockery in his blue eyes. ‘You catch on quick. Tell me, what did you think was going to happen?’

      ‘I suppose...’ She swallowed and gave an unhappy little shrug. ‘I thought we could go slowly...you could see Emmy with me there at first for an hour or so. Later maybe, when she got to know you, take her to the park or something. I thought we were going to talk some more and discuss things...’

      ‘We are—we have been.’

      She shook her head. ‘No,’ she denied. ‘We are not talking. You are telling me, not asking.’ The waiter appeared and she waited while the food was set down before adding, ‘There’s been no discussion.’

      ‘So what do you want to discuss?’

      Lily looked at him in seething frustration as she tried to organise her thoughts. ‘This is too much too fast. You might change your mind. I don’t want Emmy to get to know you, only to have you disappear from her life. She needs stability, continuity...not—’

      ‘She needs a father. I get it that you think I’m some sort of low life...’

      ‘I didn’t say that!’ she protested, watching him dissect the steak on his plate.

      He laid down his knife and looked up at her, his steely gaze as unrelenting as a surgical scalpel.

      ‘It isn’t going to happen.’ His jaw line tightened as he spelt out his intention. ‘Lily, I’m going to be part of my daughter’s life so get used to it. I’m in this for the long haul.’

      His take-it-or-leave-it stance made her feel angry and helpless.

      ‘You say that now,’

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