LITMIR.BIZ

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cat,” I said, offering it a nod. Then I noticed at least ten other cats sprawled throughout the garden. Orchids hung from tree branches—white and hot pink and purple, all in full bloom and thriving. Other flowers and bushes exploded with a blend of scents—citrus and jasmine. Fruit trees and avocado trees grew, limes and oranges and nectarines ripe for the plucking. Azaleas and gardenias grew—not an easy feat in Florida. Cedar benches and a glider nestled near particularly restful spots. Someone clearly loved gardening. It was a monumental task to coax these flowers to grow in the brutal Florida sun…and the sandy soil. Riggs must have trucked in a farm-full of real soil.

      I approached the house, for the first time really noticing its size. Made of glass and stone and wood, it offered views of the water on three sides. A frosted glass-and-wood door, surrounded by hanging orchids, stood atop a narrow slate and rock staircase. I climbed the stairs, rang the bell, and waited.

      Finally, the door swung open, and there stood America’s greatest living author. Roland Riggs was white-haired and tall. I’d forgotten no one had seen a picture of him since 1977. He wore round silver spectacles that accentuated his clear, blue eyes. His skin was tanned but wrinkled and he smiled, revealing pure white teeth and a pair of craggy dimples. He looked like a vision of America’s perfect grandfather.

      “Cassie Hayes.” He extended a liver-spotted, wrinkly hand and firmly shook mine.

      “Yes, sir.”

      “Call me Roland…where’s your stuff?” He craned his neck.

      “In my car, down by the garden gate.”

      “We’ll get it later. How’s lunch sound? Maria has cooked a plate of enchiladas.”

      “Terrific.”

      “Splendid.” He turned and led me into his house. He had a slight shuffle to his gait, and his shoulders stooped a bit. His white hair stood up on its ends, a bit of an Einstein-do. I couldn’t help but notice he was barefoot. He was wearing a pookah shell necklace. Checkered boxer shorts peeked beneath a pair of crisply ironed tan shorts. The Bee Gees were playing on his stereo. As “Staying Alive” pulsed in the background, I watched him sway back and forth a time or two, involuntarily I think, as people do when lost in a song. He had terrible rhythm. As I followed the man whose words had changed the way America talked about war, I smiled to myself. He wasn’t like any grandfather I’d ever known.

      Stepping inside Roland Riggs’s kitchen was like walking into something out of a Creature-Feature show. Plants didn’t just grow in the windowsill, where sunlight streamed in through triple panes of glass. They grew everywhere. In fact, I wondered if a kitchen counter even existed beneath all the plants. It was like The Day of the Trifids. Only no Trifids, just plants.

      “What are all these things?”

      “Potato bonsai.”

      “I beg your pardon?”

      “Potato bonsai.”

      “I’ve never heard of that.”

      “Most people haven’t. It’s an art form. When you were a little girl, did you ever try to grow a potato? Stick one in water with the toothpicks and all that?”

      I tried to think back to my childhood. My mother would never have touched a food item that needed cooking. Our housekeeper believed the kitchen was her own territory and threatened death to all who did not respect her domain. My father? He helped me write a 130-page paper on misogyny in literature for my fifth-grade end-of-year English project. Growing potatoes and other simple child pleasures were not in his repertoire. But I was meeting the famous Roland Riggs for the first time. So I did what I do so well with all my authors.

      “Of course,” I lied.

      “Well, Maria takes it one step further. She tends to these little potatoes here until she can make bonsai out of them. And then she tends to those. See, over there?”

      Sure enough, little bonsai plants sat on a corner of the counter in beautiful glazed Japanese pots. Of course, most bonsai plants I have ever seen—which admittedly is not many—created little scenes of Japanese men fishing or sitting on a bench. Or perhaps no scene at all, just the bonsai curving gracefully. These bonsai each had a unique scene of tiny troll dolls—nude—sitting on high chairs or hugging each other, with their trademark Don King fright hairdos sticking straight up in an array of colors from green and yellow to a blinding hot pink.

      “This is an art form I have never seen before,” I commented. Truthfully.

      “She’s quite amazing. And now…” He smiled and led me to a beautiful oak-plank table in the dining room. “You get to partake of her other art form. Cooking. Maria is from Mexico, and she is unparalleled in her cooking skills. More evidence of her artistry,” he said, with a flourish of his hand.

      Ten minutes later, I was tasting the enchiladas. My mouth was burning. Maria, his housekeeper, apparently cooked with a bottle of hot sauce in her belt like a Mexican gunslinger. Only she was slinging fire.

      “You like them?” Roland asked from across the dining-room table, polished to a sheen. We could have fit sixteen around it.

      “Like them?” My eyes watered, and my voice was hoarse with tears. “I need cold liquid. Ice.”

      I hadn’t yet seen Maria. I assumed she was cleaning in some other part of the house. Perhaps she was trying to kill me. And Roland Riggs.

      Genially, he rose and walked over to the refrigerator, one of those blend-into-the-cabinetry custom-made types. Simple Simon apparently provided quite an income to Riggs.

      “Beer? Cold soda? Ice water? Juice?”

      The moment of truth. Let on that I was a coffee-slugging, tequila-loving hedonist? Well, there was no way I was going to hide all my bad habits for a month.

      “Beer.”

      He came over to the table with two Coronas and two lime wedges.

      “How’s Lou?”

      “Good. He sends his best. I actually need to call him and set up my laptop and e-mail if that’s okay.”

      “I never thought the computer would be so big. The Internet…do you know they have over a hundred Web sites devoted to me? That puzzles me.”

      “You’re an enigma. You disappeared.”

      “Yes, but they post fuzzy photos of me…supposedly me. Someone who vaguely looks like me. One hundred sites…” he shook his head from side to side.

      “Anytime someone pulls a disappearing act, seems like people can’t handle it. For God’s sake, how many idiots out there think Elvis is still alive?”

      “You mean he’s dead?”

      I choked on my enchilada but then spotted a twinkle in his eye.

      “You know what I do sometimes?” he asked.

      I shook my head.

      “I invent a name for myself, and I bash myself on the Web sites.”

      “Really?”

      “Sure. I make up a chat room name like ‘Simonsucks’ and I visit the Web sites and post how I think Simple Simon is a load of crap.”

      “What happens?”

      “I get flamed, of course. People send me all kinds of terrible e-mail. No one has ever caught on that it’s me.”

      He looked quite pleased with himself. I took in a breath. “God, these enchiladas are hot. Aren’t you having some?”

      “Shh. No, I’m not hungry. Maria is a blessing, but this hot food is all she cooks. I can’t cook at all, so I…make do. But Maria makes a fuss when I don’t eat what she puts in front of me. A mother hen kind of thing. So keep a secret and say I ate a few.” With that he went into the kitchen and took a clean plate from the cabinet and started rinsing it under the

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