LITMIR.BIZ

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a halo of fluffy white hair that looked like it had been defying hairdressers for more than half a century. Grey-blue eyes loomed hazily through the thick lenses of gold-rimmed glasses as she sized me up. ‘Yes?’ she demanded.

      ‘I’m sorry to bother you,’ I lied. ‘But I was wondering if you could help me. I represent the company who sold next door their conservatory …’

      Before I could complete my sentence, the woman cut in. ‘We don’t want a conservatory. And we’ve already got double glazing and a burglar alarm.’ The door started to close.

      ‘I’m not selling anything,’ I yelped, offended by her assumption. Great start to the day. Mistaken for a double-glazing canvasser. ‘I’m just trying to track down the people who used to live next door.’

      She stopped with the door still open a crack. ‘You’re not selling anything?’

      ‘Cross my heart and hope to die. I just wanted to pick your brains, that’s all.’ I used the reassuring voice. The same one that usually works on guard dogs.

      The door slowly opened again. I made a great show of consulting the file I was carrying in my bag. ‘It says here the conservatory was installed back in March.’

      ‘That would be about right,’ she interrupted. ‘It went up the week before Easter, and it was gone a week later. It just disappeared overnight.’ History had just been made. I’d dropped lucky at the first attempt.

      ‘Overnight?’

      ‘That was the really peculiar thing. One day it was there, the next day it wasn’t. They must have taken it down during the night. We never heard or saw a thing. We just assumed there must have been some dispute about it. You know, perhaps she didn’t like it, or she didn’t pay or something? But then, you’d know all about that, if you represent the firm,’ she added with a belated note of caution.

      ‘You know how it is, I’m not allowed to discuss things like that,’ I said. ‘But I am trying to track them down. Robinson, my file says.’

      She leaned against the door jamb, settling herself in for a good gossip. It was all right for her. I was between the cold north wind and the door. I jerked up the collar of my jacket and hated her quietly. ‘She wasn’t what you’d call sociable. Not one for joining in, you might say. I invited her in for coffee or drinks several times and she never came once. And I wasn’t the only one. We’re very friendly here in the Grove, but she kept herself to herself.’

      I was slightly puzzled by the constant reference to the woman alone. The form in the file was in two names – Maureen and William Robinson. ‘What about her husband?’ I asked.

      The woman raised her eyebrows. ‘Husband? I’d have said he was somebody else’s husband, myself.’

      I sighed mentally. ‘How long had you known Mrs Robinson?’ I asked.

      ‘Well, she only moved in in December,’ the woman said. ‘She was hardly here at all that first month, what with Christmas and everything. Most weeks she was away three or four nights. And she was always out during the day. She often didn’t get home till gone eight. Then she moved out a couple of days after the conservatory went. My husband said she probably had to move suddenly, on account of her work, and maybe took the conservatory with her to a new house.’

      ‘Her work?’

      ‘She told my Harry that she was a freelance computer expert. It takes her all over the world, you know. She said that’s why she’d always rented the house out. There’s been a string of tenants in there ever since we moved in five years ago. She told Harry this was the first time she’d actually had the chance to live in the house herself.’ There was a note of pride in her voice that her Harry had managed to get so much out of their mysterious neighbour.

      ‘Can you describe her to me, Mrs—?’

      She considered. ‘Green. Carole Green, with an e, on the Carole, not the Green. Well, she was taller than you.’ Not hard. Five three isn’t exactly Amazonian. ‘Not much, though. Late twenties, I’d say. She had dark brown hair, in a full page-boy, really thick and glossy her hair was. Always nicely made up. And she was a nice dresser, you never saw her scruffy.’

      ‘And the man you mentioned?’

      There was more than one, you know. Most nights when she was here, a car would pull up in the garage later on, about eleven. A couple of times, I saw them drive off the next morning. The first one had a blue Sierra, but he only lasted a couple of weeks. The next one had a silver Vauxhall Cavalier.’ She seemed very positive about the cars and I commented on it. ‘My Harry’s in the motor trade,’ she informed me. ‘I might not have noticed the men, but I noticed the cars.’

      ‘And you haven’t seen her since she moved out?’

      The woman shook her head. ‘Not hide nor hair. Then the house was rented out again a fortnight after she moved. A young couple, just moved up from Kent. They left a month ago, bought a place of their own over towards Widnes. Lovely couple, they were. Don and Diane. Beautiful baby girl, Danni.’

      I almost pitied them. I bet they’d not thought fast enough to get out of the little social events of the Grove. I couldn’t think of anything else to ask, so I made my excuses and left. I considered trying the other neighbours, but I didn’t see how anyone could have succeeded where Carole with an e had failed.

      Scarborough Walk was only a mile away as the crow flies. Clearly the crow has never inspired a town planner. Only a Minotaur fresh from the Cretan labyrinth would feel at home in the newer parts of Warrington. I negotiated yet another roundabout with my street map on my knees and entered yet another new development. Whitby Way encircled a dozen Walks, Closes and Groves like the covered wagons pulled up to repel the Indians. It was about as hard to breach. Eventually, second time round, I spotted the entrance to the development. Cleverly designed to look like a dead end, in fact it led straight into a maze that I managed to unravel by driving at 10 m.p.h. with one eye on the map. Sometimes I wonder how I cope with a job as glamorous, exciting and risky as this.

      Again, there was no conservatory. The couple who lived there now had only been renting it for a couple of months, so the harried mother with the hyperactive toddler wasn’t able to tell me anything about the people who’d actually bought the conservatory. But the woman next door but one had missed her way. She should have been on the News of the World’s investigative desk. By the time I escaped, I knew more than I could ever have dreamed possible about the inhabitants of Scarborough Walk. I even knew about the two couples who had moved out in 1988 after their wife-swapping had turned into a permanent transfer. However, I didn’t know much about the former inhabitants of number six. They’d bought the house the previous November, and had moved out at the end of February because he’d got a job out in the Middle East somewhere and she’d gone with him. She’d been a nurse on permanent night duty, at one of the Liverpool hospitals, she thought. He’d been something in personnel. She’d had a blonde urchin cut, just like that Sally Webster on Coronation Street. He’d been tall, dark and handsome. She’d had some kind of little car, he’d had some kind of big car. He often worked late. They went out a lot when they weren’t working. The perfect description to put out to Interpol.

      The next house still had its conservatory. It also still had a satisfied customer, which I was grateful for. I really didn’t need to be mistaken for the customer services department of Colonial Conservatories. I ploughed on through the list, and when I reached the end, I reckoned I was entitled to a treat for having spent so task-orientated a day. Four o’clock and I was back in Manchester, sitting in my favourite curry shop in Strangeways, tucking into a bowl of karahi lamb.

      As I scoffed, I popped the earpiece of my miniature tape recorder in place and played back the verbal notes I’d made after each of my visits. Five out of the eight were victims of MCS (Missing Conservatory Syndrome, I’d christened it). The only common factor I could isolate was that, in each case, the couple concerned had only lived in the house for a few months after buying it, then they’d moved out and let the place via an agency. I couldn’t make sense of it at all. Who were all

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