LITMIR.BIZ

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kind of bow.”

      “And why are there seven remaining circles of Velcro down your back?”

      “Style statement.”

      “And the cobweb stuck to your bottom?”

      Oh, for God’s sake.

      “Fine,” I snap. It’s not that I’m unnecessarily emotional or worked up, but why won’t anyone just stick to the plan? “It’s my Halloween Spider outfit, OK? Happy now?”

      “I’m not sure that’s the best choice for today,” Dad says dubiously as he starts stealing his jam back, and I can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “I mean, there are other trendier insects. Bees, I hear, are very big this season.”

      “Well, tough,” I bark again. “Because it’s all I have, OK?”

      “What about a wasp?” Dad offers, voice breaking.

      “Everything else I own has a cartoon on the front.”

      “Or a grasshopper?” Annabel suggests, winking at Dad. “I like grasshoppers.”

      At which point I lose it completely. They’re not being calm or supportive at all. “Why are you such terrible parents?” I yell.

      “I don’t know,” Dad yells back. “Why are you such a naughty little spider?” And then Annabel bursts out laughing.

      “Aaaargh!” I scream in frustration. “I hate you I hate you I hate youihateyouihateyouihateyou.”

      Then I run out of the room with as much dignity as I can muster.

      Which – as my spare leg gets caught in the door frame until Annabel unhooks me in peals of laughter – isn’t much.

      y door doesn’t slam nearly as loudly as it used to. I think my parents must have sanded it down. Which is very underhanded of them, and also suppresses my legal freedom to express myself creatively. I shut it three times to make up for it.

      Once I’m lying flat on my bed, though, I start to feel ever so slightly ashamed of myself. The thing is I broke the plans myself before I’d even got down the stairs. I’ve been thinking about Nat all morning. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and that’s what I was doing for fifteen snoozes. Picturing Nat’s face when I tell her where I’ve been today. Imagining Nat’s expression when she realises I’ve stolen her dream, for all the wrong reasons. Not because I love fashion, but because it’s my short cut out of this.

      And I can’t get it out of my head.

      So, yes, I’m pretty irritated with my parents for going on about insects, and I’m also a bit frustrated that the inherent style I was hoping I might have is either not there or is so inherent that it’s never going to come out. Like the last bit of toothpaste.

      But mostly I’m just angry at myself.

      “Harriet?” Annabel says as I’m huffing and puffing and helping myself to one of the chocolate bars I keep stashed in my bedside table. “Can I come in?”

      She never normally asks, so this must mean she’s feeling quite sheepish.

      “Whatever,” I say in a sulky voice.

      “Now you know ‘whatever’ isn’t a grammatically correct response to the question, Harriet.” Annabel puts her head round the door. “Try again.”

      “If you must,” I correct.

      “Thank you. I will.” Annabel comes into the room and sits down on the bed next to me. Her arms are full of plastic bags and despite myself I’m curious. Annabel likes shopping about as much as I do. “Sorry we wound you up,” she says, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. “We didn’t realise you’d be so nervous about today.”

      I make a noise that is intentionally ambiguous.

      “Is something wrong?” she sighs. “You’re all over the place at the moment. You’re normally so sensible.”

      Maybe that’s the problem. “I’m fine.”

      “And there’s nothing you want to talk about?”

      For a few seconds all I can see in my head are thirty hands in the air. “…No.”

      “Then…” and Annabel clears her throat, “I’ve bought you a present. I thought it might cheer you up.”

      I look at Annabel in surprise. She rarely buys me presents, and when she does, they absolutely never cheer me up.

      Annabel unfolds a large bag and hands it to me. “Actually, I bought this for you a while ago. I was waiting for the right moment and I think this might be it. You can wear it today.” And she unzips the bag.

      I stare at the contents in shock. It’s a jacket. It’s grey and it’s tailored. It has a matching white shirt and a pencil skirt. It has very faint white pinstripe running through the material and a crease down each of the arms. It is, without any question of a doubt, a suit. Annabel’s gone and bought me a mini lawyer’s outfit. She wants me to turn up looking exactly like her, but twenty years younger.

      “I guess you’re an adult now,” she says in a strange voice. “And this is what adults wear. What do you think?”

      I think the modelling agency are going to assume we’re trying to sue them.

      But as I open my mouth to tell Annabel I’d rather go as a spider with all eight legs attached, I look at her face. It’s so bright, and so eager, and so happy – this is so clearly some kind of Coming of Age moment for her – I can’t do it.

      “I love it,” I say, crossing my fingers behind my back.

      “You do? And you’ll wear it today?”

      I swallow hard. I don’t know much about fashion, but I didn’t see many fifteen-year-olds last week in pinstripe suits.

      “Yes,” I manage as enthusiastically as I can.

      “Excellent,” Annabel beams at me, shoving some more bags in my direction. “Because I bought you a Filofax and briefcase to match.”

      he entire plan was a total waste of time. And Dad’s paper and printer ink.

      By the time I’m dressed up like some kind of legal assistant and my parents have stopped fighting about Dad’s T-shirt (“It hasn’t even been washed, Richard,”; “I won’t bow down to the rules of fashion, Annabel,”; “But you’ll bow down to the rules of basic hygiene, right?”), we’ve missed our train and we’ve also missed the train after that.

      When we eventually get to London, there isn’t time for a pain au chocolat or a cappuccino, and apparently, even if there was, I wouldn’t be allowed to have one.

      “You’re not having coffee, Harriet,” Annabel says as I start whining outside the window.

      “But Annabel…”

      “No. You are fifteen and permanently anxious enough as it is.”

      To make matters worse, when we finally locate the right street in Kensington, we can’t find the building: mainly because we’re not looking for a blob of cement tucked behind a local supermarket.

      “It doesn’t look very…”

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