LITMIR.BIZ

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minutes later, Pete arrived at a six-suite brick medical building with ivy growing up the bricks, all the way to the top of the second floor. He liked the look because there was something homey about it. The plaques attached to the brick weren’t the standard polished brass but chunks of driftwood that were sanded, then shellacked. Dr. Harvey Myers was on the first floor.

      Pete looked at his watch. He was one minute early. He felt proud of himself when he opened the door to the waiting room to find Harvey Myers waiting for him with a cup of coffee. Harvey handed it over. Pete laughed. “You’re spoiling me, Harvey.”

      The easy familiarity between doctor and patient went back years and years. Harvey had once coached the PAK Industries softball team until the demands of his practice required cutting back on his outside activities. They made small talk, Pete sipping the strong black brew and Harvey drinking decaffeinated herbal tea.

      Together, the two men moved toward the doctor’s private office. As always, Pete eyed the chaise lounge, then moved to a recliner that tilted backward and had a footrest.

      Harvey set aside his herbal tea and picked up a pad and pen, but not before he turned on the portable recording machine. Pete sipped his coffee as the doctor recorded the date, the time, and the patient’s name.

      “So, how’s it going, Pete? You sleeping any better?”

      “No. I prowl all night long. No, I don’t want any sleep help. You know how I feel about pills of any kind. When my body is tired, I’ll sleep.”

      “Did you do it?”

      Pete didn’t ask for clarification. He knew exactly what Harvey was referring to. “As a matter of fact, I did, about an hour ago. I thought it went well. I’m a free agent. Nice feeling. Well, I think it’s going to be a nice feeling once I get used to the idea.”

      “Any plans?”

      “No, not really. I haven’t decided if I’m going to California or not.”

      Harvey put down the pen and pad and leaned forward. “Let’s cut the bullshit right here, Pete. You’ve been coming here three times a week for a month. I can’t help you if you won’t open up to me. Whatever past relationship we had, inside this room, we’re doctor and patient. The fact that you actually decided to make an appointment—and kept it—tells me something is bothering you. Having said that, I want you either to tell me what’s bothering you or get the hell out of here so I can help someone who needs and wants my help.”

      Pete looked around the comfortable office. For the first time he could hear soft music coming from somewhere. He thought he heard water trickling in the far corner. He wondered if it was something new. He asked and blinked when Harvey said the music was always on, and the trickling water went into a fish tank. “Am I that obvious?”

      “Well, yeah. I am a psychiatrist, Pete. You came here to unload, so will you get on with it?”

      Pete jerked at the handle on the recliner and bounced upright. He, too, leaned forward. “I made a promise to myself, and I didn’t keep it. Well, I kept the first part but not the second part. I want to know if that kind of promise counts. You know, when you make it to yourself. I didn’t even make an effort to keep it. I think I know why I didn’t, but I’m not sure. By the way, no one knows about it. Well, that’s not really true, someone does know. A girl I told way back when. At least I think I told her. It was a lifetime ago, Harvey.”

      “Tell me about it, Pete. Everything you can remember. I’m not going to judge you.”

      Pete was up off the recliner and pacing. From time to time he would smack one balled fist into the palm of his other hand. He gulped for air. “It was a long time ago. The summer months, right before my senior year. I was working around the clock for tuition money. My dad told me there wasn’t enough money to send me for the last year because of some blight to the potatoes. I was on my own. I tried skimping on food, then I got sick. I was just about to drop out and look for full-time work when one of the summer guys told me about this clinic where I could sell my sperm. Man, I was off like a rocket. I signed up for… I did it twelve times. That’s how I got the money to finish up on time.

      “In the beginning, it didn’t seem important. I’d go, do it, leave, and get on with my day. Then it started bothering me. Then it started bothering me even more. I hated it, yet I had to finish what I started—I needed the goddamn money.

      “You know my story, Harvey. I made a promise to myself that when I made my first million, I was going to relocate my parents to Hawaii. Of course, that went up in smoke because they refused to go. I told you that a few times already. What I never told you was there was a second part to the promise. I promised myself I was going to go back to California and buy the damn sperm bank, then burn it down. They weren’t just words. I meant it. I never did it. I need to find out why I didn’t do it. I could have, Harvey. I could have paid whatever the owner wanted. I didn’t even try. I should have tried, Harvey. It haunts me.”

      “Why?” Harvey asked.

      “Haven’t you been listening to me, Harvey? That’s why I’m here. I want you to tell me why I didn’t do it. I think there was something fishy going on there. It’s easy to say now, but it wasn’t so easy to say back then. Then there’s the girl who was donating her eggs at the same place. We bumped into each other on the last day. She looked so damn sad. We both had trouble looking at one another because we both knew why we were there, and it was embarrassing.”

      “Go on, Pete.” The pen and pad were back in Harvey’s hands.

      “She…her name was Lily…she said, maybe I said, damn, I don’t know, but one of us said there was something sinister about the place.”

      “What made you think that?”

      “Lily said it was because of the big, long building that ran across the back of the sperm bank and the egg donor clinic. She said it didn’t have windows or doors, yet it was attached to the egg donor clinic and the sperm bank. She also said she tried getting into it, but an Amazon of a woman stopped her. She damn well spooked me, Harvey, and I’ve been spooked ever since.”

      “Is this why you can’t sleep?”

      “Damn straight. Plus, every time I see a teenage kid, I think it’s one of mine. Am I losing it, Harvey?” Pete asked in a tormented voice. “For all I know I could have twelve kids out there walking around. Before you can ask, yes, they tried to get me to go to counseling sessions, but I blew them off. Look, I was young and stupid. Back then the only thing I was thinking about was how I was going to make it through the last year so I could make my first million by the time I turned forty. Did I know I was going to be a billionaire at forty instead of a millionaire? It just snowballed and happened. It’s not like I was counting the dollars on a daily basis. Lily whatever-her-name-was didn’t go to the counseling sessions either. The way she put it was, ‘It’s no big deal.’ I think back then it was a big deal for her, more so than me, but that’s how I’m seeing it now.”

      “I see.”

      Pete bristled. “What the hell do you see, Harvey? That I was a jerk? I know that. Just tell me what the hell to do to get this monkey off my back.”

      “It doesn’t work that way. What do you want to do? Everything in life starts at the beginning.”

      “So what you’re telling me is I should go back to California and do whatever I have to do. I did try to locate Lily. For some reason, I couldn’t find her in the yearbook.”

      “Why didn’t you hire a private detective to find her? It would appear you didn’t want to find her badly enough. It’s not like you can’t afford the best of the best, Pete.”

      “I guess I’m afraid.” Pete sat back down on the recliner. “You need a bigger place, Harvey. This is too cozy, too comfortable. You need more light in here, too.”

      “I’ll take it under consideration. Why didn’t you follow through on the promise you made to yourself? Did you think it was too far over the top—one

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