LITMIR.BIZ

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      “Shut up, Espinosa. We have only a block to go, and we’ll be at Jack’s house.”

      “Just out of curiosity, Ted, have you given any thought to Maggie finding out we’re going to Jack’s house? She’s going to come home sooner or later, and she lives just two doors away. Plus, she’s going to see the bill for the credit card you charged all that food on. Dinner was just for the two of us, not for five, and Andolino’s is expensive. She’s going to figure it out.”

      “You had to say that, didn’t you? Don’t I have enough on my mind without worrying about my expense account? We’re here. You take the beer, and I’ll carry the food.” Ted inched himself out of the cab and handed the fare to the driver, along with a generous tip, compliments of the Post.

      “It looks like it stopped snowing,” Espinosa said. His jittery-sounding voice did not go unnoticed by Ted.

      Espinosa jiggled the two six-packs of beer as he rang the doorbell with his elbow. When the door opened almost immediately, he stumbled through the open doorway. Jack stepped aside.

      “It quit snowing,” Espinosa said.

      “That’s nice to know. I was going to turn in early tonight. What the hell is it with you two? Can’t you get enough of me during the day? Whatever this is all about, it better be good.”

      “Yeah, right. Like you think I’d spring for dinner for five people at Andolino’s if it wasn’t important? Plus the taxi fare and tip. Is everyone here?” Ted asked.

      “All present and accounted for,” said Jack. “Harry is in his killer mode, and he also brought weeds and tofu and that shitty green tea. Guess we can save his share for Maggie.”

      Ted snorted. “Believe it or not, Maggie has lost her appetite. I’m worried about her.”

      “And well you should be. We’ll save it, anyway,” Jack said, leading the parade to the kitchen, where Bert and Harry were waiting expectantly.

      Bert sniffed appreciatively. Harry nibbled on his weeds. Ted refused to make eye contact with Harry as he started to take the boxes out of the bags.

      “We don’t even need dishes or silverware. Everything is included. No fuss, no mess,” Espinosa said, taking his place at the kitchen table.

      “We can talk after we eat. The food is still hot, so let’s enjoy it,” Ted said.

      The guys fell to with gusto. Thirty minutes later the kitchen table was clean, and the fifth meal was in the refrigerator. Harry packed up his weeds in a little plastic bag and stuffed it into a pocket of his baggy pants. All eyes turned to Ted.

      Ted squared his shoulders and worked up a case of ripe indignation. “You guys just couldn’t wait, could you? You promised Cricket not to blab, and what do you do? You damn well blab! Don’t deny it! So much for guy power! No wonder women don’t trust us. Well, say something. I’m embarrassed to be sitting here with you. You can’t be trusted.”

      “Now hold on here, Ted,” Jack blustered. “You better be careful when you bandy accusations about. Where do you get off saying something like that?”

      He looks guilty. They all look guilty. Ted felt so giddy, he thought he was going to black out. He risked a glance at Espinosa, who looked like he was going to fall off his chair in relief.

      “Maggie.” Ted leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “You gonna lie to my face or man up?”

      “Okay, okay. I’m the head of the goddamn FBI. I had no right to make a promise like that. How’d that look if it got out?” Bert said lamely.

      “We’re part of a team here. I had to tell Nikki,” Jack said. “You think I want those girls coming down on me, and that’s exactly what would happen if they found out after the fact.”

      “So what are you going to do about it?” Harry asked quietly.

      “Not a damn thing,” Ted said cheerfully. “It’s what Maggie is doing as we sit here talking. She’s on her way to Lizzie’s house. She was leaving when Espinosa and I left the paper. We both heard her give Lizzie’s address to her driver. Hell, she’s been there now for about an hour. Now, gentlemen, being as smart and astute as you are, why do you think Maggie went to Lizzie’s house in this weather at this hour of the night, and more to the point, why isn’t Maggie hungry? Well, say something.”

      “The woman hasn’t been born that you can trust,” Jack said virtuously. “Women stick together like glue, and they can keep a secret.”

      “That’s what women say about us,” Bert said, pity ringing in his voice. “Except for the part about us keeping a secret. Obviously, we failed the test.”

      “I did not divulge any secrets, nor did I call Yoko,” Harry said.

      All eyes turned to Harry in disbelief, but no one said a word.

      “What? What? A man is measured by how he keeps his word. I gave mine to Cosmo Cricket. I take something like that very seriously. Why are you looking at me like that?”

      “Well, Harry, what do you think Yoko is going to say? How is she going to feel when she finds out you didn’t think enough of her to alert her to what’s going on? What about all that crap you guys are always spouting about losing face?” Jack said. “Man, I would not want to be in your shoes right now.”

      “Up yours, Jack. Yoko feels the same way I do about honor and lying and giving one’s word,” Harry retorted.

      “That was back in the Dark Ages, buddy. She’s a member of the vigilantes these days, or did you forget that? She’s damn well going to wipe up the floor with you. Ah, you aren’t looking worried, Harry. Big mistake.” Jack cackled.

      The others looked at Harry with pity.

      Harry squirmed in his chair. “You guys are bullshitting me, right?”

      “Nope,” the foursome said in unison.

      Ted got up, picked up his backpack, and started for the door. “My work here is done. I enjoyed your titillating company and dinner, even if I paid for it. Have a nice evening, boys. Uh-oh, it’s snowing again,” he said to no one in particular. “Espinosa, call us some wheels.”

      “Never mind calling for a taxi. I can drop you off,” Bert said, coming up behind them. “I got a parking space two cars up.”

      “We accept,” Ted said magnanimously. “I have to stop at the convenience store near the apartment for some cat food. I can make my way on foot after that. You want to stay over, Espinosa?”

      “Yeah, I think I will,” Espinosa replied.

      Inside the car, Ted finally got the courage to ask, “How’s Harry? Is he staying the night at Jack’s?”

      “Looked to me like he was crying when I left. He was begging Jack to help him out, and Jack was extorting all sorts of promises out of him. That’s all I know, boys. Hey, do you think spring will ever get here?” Bert asked.

      “Someone should remember to call Jack in the morning to see if he’s still alive,” Espinosa said. “I can’t believe you guys squealed.”

      “Well, you did, didn’t you?” said Bert. “Isn’t this the kettle calling the pot black, or whatever the hell that saying is?”

      “Actually, Bert, we didn’t squeal,” Ted lied and was glad it was dark inside the car, so Bert couldn’t see the lie in his eyes. “Maggie did to us what we did to you. She wormed it out of us, but I think she already knew. They’re women, for God’s sake, and you can’t trust them.”

      “So, what does this whole sorry episode mean to us guys? To Lizzie? To the girls?” Bert asked.

      “Damned if I know,” Ted said.

      “Not a clue,” Espinosa said.

      Chapter

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