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      You used to live in the Place—you were the girl that always wanted to kiss me. Didn’t she live in Lomax Place, Pinnie?

      Milly

      Do you know what you look like—you look for all the world like a plastered up Frenchman! Don’t he look like a funny little Frenchie, Mrs. Pysnet?

      Hyacinth

      Have you come back to live in the Place?

      Milly

      Heaven forbid, that I should ever do that! I must live near the establishment in which I am employed.

      Hyacinth

      And what establishment is that now? Is it the Cock and Bull, or the Elephant and Castle?

      Milly

      A pub? Well, you haven’t got the manners of a Frenchie.

      Pinnie (under her breath)

      Whorehouse more likely!

      Milly

      I don’t care what a man looks like so long as he knows a lot. That’s the look I like.

      Pinnie

      Miss ’Enning wouldn’t live in Lomax Place for the world. She thinks it too low.

      Hyacinth

      So it is, it’s a beastly hole.

      Milly

      Right you are!

      Hyacinth

      Don’t you think I know something?

      Milly

      You? Oh, I don’t care a straw what you know!

      Pinnie

      I think you had better shut the door.

      Hyacinth

      Did you come here on purpose to see us?

      Milly

      I thought I’d just give it a look. I had an engagement not far off. But I wouldn’t have believed anyone who said I’d find you just where I left you.

      Pinnie (sourly)

      We needed you to look after us!

      Hyacinth

      Oh, you’re such a success.

      Milly

      None of your rattling impudence. I’m as good a girl as there is in London. If you were to offer to see me home, I’d tell you I don’t knock about that way with gentlemen.

      Hyacinth

      I’ll go with you as far as you like.

      Milly

      Well—all right—but it’s only because I knew you as a baby.

      Hyacinth

      Pinnie, let’s have some tea.

      (Pinnie, mortified, obeys and goes out to get the tea.)

      Milly

      What a way to treat your mother. Oh—I forgot she ain’t your mother. How stupid I am! I keep forgetting.

      Hyacinth

      My mother died many years ago; she was an invalid. But Pinnie has been very good to me.

      Milly

      My mother’s dead, too. She died very suddenly. I daresay you remember her in the Place. But I’ve had no Pinnie.

      Hyacinth

      You look as if you can take care of yourself.

      Milly

      Well, I’m very healthy. What became of Mr. Vetch? We used to say that if Miss Pysnet was your mama, Mr. Vetch was your papa. We used to call him Miss Pysnet’s young man.

      Hyacinth

      He’s her young man still. He’s our best friend. He lives by his fiddle—as he used to. In fact, he got me the place I’m now in.

      Milly

      I should have thought he would get you a place at his theatre.

      Hyacinth

      At his theatre? But, I’d be no use in the theatre. I don’t play any instrument.

      Milly

      I don’t mean in the orchestra, you baby. You’d look very nice in a fancy costume. Is Miss Pysnet some relation? What gave her any rights over you?

      Hyacinth (uneasily)

      Miss Pysnet’s an old friend of the family. My mother was very fond of her and she was fond of my mother. Mr. Vetch has changed his lodgings: he moved out of Seventeen three years ago. He couldn’t stand the other people in the house. There was a man who played the accordion.

      Milly (reproachfully)

      He might have put you into something better than a bookbinder’s.

      Hyacinth

      He wasn’t obliged to put me into anything. After all, he’s not even a relation of Pinnie’s. And he has trouble enough supporting himself. I think he never married Pinnie—assuming he could persuade her—because he has no money.

      (Pinnie returns with the teapot and servings. After placing everything on the table, she stalks out.)

      Milly

      Friendly, ain’t she?

      Hyacinth

      She’s very protective of me. She’s always afraid I’ll marry beneath me.

      Milly

      All the same, I didn’t expect to find you in a bookbinder’s.

      Hyacinth

      Where would you have looked to find me? Pity you couldn’t have told me in advance, I’d have endeavored to meet your expectations.

      Milly

      Do you know what they used to say in the Place? They say your father was a Lord. A real English Lord.

      Hyacinth

      Very likely. That’s the kind of gossip they spread in that precious hole.

      Milly

      Well, perhaps he was.

      Hyacinth

      He might have been Prime Minister for all the good it has done me.

      Milly

      Fancy, your talking as if you didn’t know!

      Hyacinth (politely, but savagely)

      Finish your tea. Don’t mind how I talk.

      Milly

      Well, you ’ave got a temper. I should’ve thought you’d be a clerk to a lawyer, or at a bank.

      Hyacinth

      Do they select them for their tempers?

      Milly

      You know what I mean. You used to be so clever. I never thought you’d follow a trade.

      Hyacinth

      I’m not clever enough to live on air.

      Milly

      You might be, really, for all the tea you drink! Why didn’t you go in for some profession?

      Hyacinth (bitterly)

      How was I to go in? Who the devil was to help me?

      Milly

      Haven’t you got a connection?

      Hyacinth

      Are you trying to trick me into boasting of my aristocratic connections? Sorry, I don’t have

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