Mr. Burns and Other Plays - Anne Washburn

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A little bit of scattered light cricketing.

       They’re looking through the tombstones, they are looking for something; PT is reading aloud.

      PT: Lizzie Hale McKee

       Cornelius Foster

       Emma Ogden Jessup

       These are really old names.

       Amos W. Harvey

      EMILY: Maud J. Dollard

      PT: Joseph G. West

       Samuel Chester Dodsworth

       You’re sure they’re still putting people in here?

      EMILY: I checked with the county.

       They continue. After a bit:

      PT: Ida and Lulu, twins.

       Salome Vreeland

       Bit of a pause. Still checking.

       If it’s night time, shouldn’t it be cooler? Or something. Five degrees. Whatever. Some concession should be made. To the fact that it’s night. And everything is supposed to be different.

      EMILY: I think it’s hotter, actually.

      PT: Okay. Do you know what I think? Okay I know this is crazy. But get this: actually, okay, this is great: because (Flicking his flashlight around) they look like teeth, right? So get this: it’s like being in someone’s mouth.

      EMILY: What?

      PT: It’s like being in someone’s mouth, right? There’s the teeth, and it’s hot and wet and you know really weirdly quiet. Oh hey speaking of which I had my first older married woman last night. There should be guilt, right? It has not sunk in!

       He shrieks. He has flicked his light onto a piece of statuary.

       (Which is an actor, posing as a fabulous biblical gestures angel.)

       Emily laughs.

       Jesus.

       She flicks hers onto one.

      EMILY: A mouthful of angels.

      PT: Crap.

       She reads the inscription on the monument:

      EMILY: And I bore you on Eagles wings

       and brought you to myself

       He flicks and illuminates another angel. Reads the inscription:

      PT: Death came one bright summer’s day

       and took our dearest friend away

      EMILY: Very pleasant hast thou been unto me

       thy love to me was wonderful

      PT: Until the day break and the shadows flee away

      EMILY: Morning is here

       earth’s flooded with light

       gone are the storm clouds

       vanished with night

      PT: Death is swallowed up in victory

      EMILY: Won is the glory and the grief is past

      PT: For me to die is to gain

       Silence.

       They continue, sobered.

       Enoch Howard

      EMILY: Sylvia Amelia Fry

      PT: Edward J. McCullough

      EMILY: Arabella Longstreet

      ANGEL A: Lyndon Bartholomew Emery

      PT: Angela M. LaCrosse

      ANGEL B: Rupert Peter Dodge

      EMILY: Molly John Schwartz

      ANGEL D: Jorge Fernando Diaz

      PT: Anatole Moritz

      ANGEL E: Eddie T. O’Conner

      EMILY: Gina Fratelli

       There is an irregular spatter of sound as each Angel speaks a name not quite simultaneously:

      ANGEL A: Ignatius Agnello

      ANGEL B: Leo D. Nakamura

      ANGEL E: Jaleh Afary

      ANGEL F: Calvin Barton Upton

      ANGEL G: Thomas A. Da Mota

      ANGEL H: Amy Joan Nesbett

      ANGEL I: Eunice Angela Adler

      ANGEL J: Shannon T. Babcock

       The Angels name again, again a cacophony:

      ANGEL A: Kevin Andrew O’Keefe

      ANGEL B: Martine Karin Zhao

      ANGEL E: Ali Al-Jumaily

      ANGEL F: Valerie A. Phelps

      ANGEL G: Patrick Adam Ranier

      ANGEL H: Ebenezer O’Brien

      ANGEL I: Laurence Calderon

      ANGEL J: Gregory M. Amadeo

       Again:

      ANGEL A: Michael Thomas Sweeney

      ANGEL B: Fanny Foster Hoskins

      ANGEL E: Syed Salman Abad

      ANGEL F: Thomas A. Song

      ANGEL G: Esperanza Ramierez

      ANGEL H: Fabian Dawson, Jr.

      ANGEL I: Ginger La Fevre Adams

      ANGEL J: Tatania G. Szurlowski

       There is a pulse of sound as each Angel speaks together:

      ANGEL A: Takashimi Yoshida

      ANGEL B: David Glenn Haas

      ANGEL E: Vincent Fallon

      ANGEL F: Elmer George Hammond

      ANGEL G: Douglas L. Douglass

      ANGEL H: Ching T. Kang

      ANGEL I: Maria Fowler Keller

      ANGEL J: Richard J. Naples

       And again:

      ANGEL A: Max Walcott Wagner

      ANGEL B: Anthony Favuzza

      ANGEL E: Julio Salas Portillo

      ANGEL F: Bonnie Ruth Kaplan

      ANGEL G: Glenn James Washington

      ANGEL H: Liddy N. Abrahamson

      ANGEL I: Hector Marshall Simmons

      ANGEL J: Dierdre Wakefield

       Then all together:

      ANGELS: Roy Elliot Edmunds

       Rachael Linda Edwards

       Cecilia Luz Gutierrez

       Peter Samuel Roth

       James Dillard Takahashi

       Aditi Amy Ranadivay

       George Martin Lewis

      EMILY (Delighted): Oh! Bingo. This one’s very small. This one hardly lived at all

       The Angels whisper with her:

      EMILY AND ANGELS: Monica

       Alicia

       Perry.

       Flashlight out.

      CHAPTER 8

      BARUCH: At first it was only the faintest rain

      D: I know that first bit. After you make that

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