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      JON: I will.

      CHAROLETTE: Will you promise her that you will do the laundry and help with the household chores and kiss her beautiful face every day?

      JON: I do.

      CHAROLETTE: Angie, will you take this wonderful man to be your husband and will you promise to wash his dirty laundry?

      ANGIE: I will.

      CHAROLETTE: I would now like for you to sniff each other’s dirty laundry, please.

      KARL: Alright, you’ve both had a whiff, so are you sure you’re happy with each other’s smell? Because if you don’t like it you’d best say now, and we can knock this on the head and go home. So you’ve had a smell and you’re definitely happy?

      JON: Definitely.

      KARL: Angie?

      ANGIE: Definitely, yes.

      KARL: That’s going to be the smell for the rest of your life. Day in, day out, when you wake up in the morning that’s the smell that’s going to greet you.

      It was going well. They seemed calm and relaxed, which I put down to them not having all their friends and family gawping at them. Plus, I didn’t get the impression they were religious, so these surroundings were probably more relaxing than being in a church. And the good thing about getting married this way is that every time one of them puts a wash on at home they’ll get a flashback of their special day and the memory will stay fresh.

      At this point they both put their dirty laundry into one machine, joining their smells together to become one. They then helped each other to add the cleaning detergent and fabric conditioner. Never mind a white wedding, this was a whiter than white wedding. Then together they inserted the dollar token to start the wash. I told them to select the ten-minute wash cycle in order to air their dirty linen and get everything off their chests about each other that annoys them.

      KARL: It’s not all going to be rosy. You’re going to have arguments and that’s a fact. So, Angie, is there anything Jon does that annoys you and you’d like him to stop?

      ANGIE: I would like him to stop leaving his dirty clothes everywhere. I can’t tell if they’re clean or dirty, so if you could just put them in the laundry basket when they’re dirty and put them away when they’re clean, please.

      KARL: Alright, fair enough. Jon, anything that does your head in?

      JON: Ummm . . . I would like you, whenever you get mad at me, to just relax a little bit. I’m going to mess up once in a while, you know.

      KARL: Is that it?! She doesn’t do anything else? Be honest, I don’t believe there’s nothing else that Angie does that drives you up the wall.

      JON: I don’t think so, not really.

      KARL: What?! She doesn’t ask for too much? She doesn’t want you to go away on holiday all the time? She doesn’t ask for a new car or new carpet?

      JON: Nope.

      KARL: Okay, what about the telly? Does she watch reality shows or . . .

      JON: She does watch reality shows, yeah. I hate her judge shows, like Judge Judy. Judge Alex . . . Judge whoever else on TV, all those guys.

      ANGIE: Well, he’s always on Reddit. I don’t like him being on Reddit all the time.

      KARL: Reddit? I don’t know what that is, but it’s all coming out now, you see. Anything else? Are you sure she doesn’t waste any money? She never comes home and says, ‘I’ve bought this,’ and you go, ‘You’ve already got one of them, why do you want another one?’

      JON: Every now and then.

      KARL: Right, so there’s something else she does.

      ANGIE: I don’t bargain shop. I go and get what I need no matter how much it is.

      JON: And she spends way too much money on it.

      KARL: So there’s something else you’ve got to watch because money does cause arguments. See, he’s looking a bit doubtful now, isn’t he? Look at his face.

      CHAROLETTE: Well, I’m looking at her face and I’m seeing her smiling. She loves him in spite of it all. No matter what, she wants him and needs him and loves him and can’t live without him.

      KARL: But is she thinking that because he’s a bit of a walkover? Seems like he’s getting shat on from a great height all the time.

      CHAROLETTE: Well, I think two different personalities are good.

      Even though they had their differences they were happy to accept them and carry on with the wedding, so after taking the clothes from the washer we headed over to the tumble dryer where, for another dollar, they popped their clothes in to dry.

      Charolette then went through the vows.

      CHAROLETTE: I would like you to hold hands. Jonathan, repeat after me: ‘I, Jonathan, take thee, Angela, for my wife, today and forever. I give you all of my heart, all of my love and all of my happiness. I promise you I will never leave you, I will love you and trust in you, I will be honest and faithful to you all the days of my life. You’re my best friend, you’re my wife, you’re my everything. I love you.’ Jonathan and Angela, by the power vested in me by the state of Nevada I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now sniff your bride.

      And that was it. Just under an hour and they were married. It cost around $200,000 and took five days for the Indian wedding; this one lasted an hour, cost a couple of dollars and the end result was the same. Except Jon and Angie also got their washing done.

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