A Lifetime of Love - Daphne Rose Kingma How to Bring More Depth, Meaning and Intimacy Into Your Rela

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      We love in the midst of Love.

      The love we feel, the love we need, the love we give is surrounded by the great Love that is the matrix and cradle and blessing and essence of our being. This Love is the vessel, recipe, and map for all the words, gifts, and happenings, beautiful moments and touching exchanges which in this life we call loving, being loved, or feeling love. It is the limitless sea in which all our human experiences of love—the love of lovers and sweethearts, of husbands and wives, of parents for their children, brothers and sisters for one another, of dearest friends and compassionate strangers—swim like the vast and variegated multitude of fish in the infinite ocean.

      Love as we know it and live it—the love of duty, as a man to his country; of pleasure, as in the flower of friendship; of passion and ecstasy, as in romance; of commitment, as in all the changing vicissitudes of our intimate relationships—all these are faces, miniature and particular embodiments, of the faceless, infinitely graceful, endlessly tenderhearted Love that is the medium in which we all live and breathe.

      All the love we need and know and seek and make is but the corner of a postcard from this infinite and beautiful landscape. We can discover our connection to that great, that infinite love through particular exalted moments of love in our own lives. For, if we are willing to throw our hearts wide open at such moments, we suddenly comprehend that we ourselves are participants in that love. It is then that our human relationships become radiant and illumined, the sacred chalice from which we can sip of the love that is truly divine.

       Creating Depth

      T his moment, this day, this relationship, and this life are all exquisite, unique, and unrepeatable. There will be no moment exactly like this one (the yellow light spilling in through the thin white louvers on the window, the sound of the men at work in the street and, in the living room, of the pages of the newspaper turning). There will be no day that repeats precisely the sweet events of this day (the waking and sleeping, the beautiful dreams before waking, the precious and, even, the ordinary conversations, the clothes you have chosen to wear, and the way that today you are wearing them, the way the wind is today, clattering the shutters, scattering the leaves, the thoughts—all sixty thousand of them—that have passed like bright kites through your mind).

      There will be no love, no dearly beloved, exactly like this one (the man who pronounces your name in just such a way, with his beautiful voice, the man who brings flowers, whose words move your heart so tremblingly softly, whose arms hold you this way and that way, embracing, consoling, protecting; the woman whose fragrance enchants you, whose head on your chest when you sleep is the sweet weight of bliss, whose kisses are blessings, whose laughter is sunlight, whose smile is pure grace).

      There will be no lifetime exactly like this one, no other, not ever again, not this birth, not this particular story, this mother and father, these houses and walls, these strangers and friends—and how we moved through it all, with such beauty, touching each other, dancingly stepping, curtsying, bowing across all the stages, filling the rooms of our lives with this joy, this sweet love.…

      There will be no other way to live this life, only the way you have chosen to live it, only the way that, moment by moment, you fill up its houses and cradles and baskets, its cupboards and drawers—with which beautiful things, what small scraps and treasures—and only the way that you fill up your heart—with what feelings, which lovely emotions—and the memory of her standing there, in the light, by the window, her blonde hair in sunlight…and the image of him standing there and saying, “always, forever, till death do us part”—and your mind—with what words, which endlessly coddled concerns, what difficult puzzles and brilliant solutions, what emptiness…waiting for God.

      This moment, this day, this relationship, this life are all unique, exquisite, unrepeatable. Live every moment as if you, indelibly, knew this.

      To have a spiritual relationship is to consciously acknowledge that above all we are spiritual beings and that the process of our spiritual refinement is our true undertaking in this life. When you have a spiritual relationship, you choose to embody this truth in love. You shift context and focus. Whereas an emotional relationship has as its focus the contents of the relationship itself, a spiritual relationship sees the spirit's well-being and the soul's journey as its overriding undertaking. Whereas the romantic relationship operates in time, the spiritual union has timeless infinity as its context. Rather than framing itself in life on earth, it knows that we are all far more than we appear to be, and it joy-fully claims as its territory a cosmos that radiates and scintillates, that includes an infinity of angels, and all the stunning coincidental events that are the mysterious instruments of God.

      When you love one another in spirit, along with loving, desiring, cherishing, adoring, and protecting your beloved, you will also be the champion of your beloved's spiritual well-being, ensuring that she will make the choices that will allow for her soul's evolution. This may mean creating a quiet environment in which your spirits can flourish, or doing those things—meditating, praying, throwing away the television set—that will encourage a reunion of your souls.

      To have an intimate relationship that is also spiritual defies our Western ordinary thinking, for, in a spiritual relationship, we are not seeking the satisfactions of the ego in a conventional way. Instead, we are aware that we are spirits and that we are on the spirit's journey.

      The spiritual relationship is gracious, easy, considerate, and kind. Because it has stepped off the merry-go-round of ego concerns, it can be generous and patient, can behold the beloved not just as a person doing this or that, but as a soul on a journey. For, to the spiritually beloved, there is always a sense of this greater focus. Because of it, each action and experience takes on a different coloration. The disappointments of the moment and even the tragedies of a lifetime are seen not as happenings which are absolutes in themselves but finite, irritating specks on the larger screen of vision.

      A great spiritual love does not exclude the psychological and physical—in any spiritual relationship the partners will always support each other in these realms with healing and attention—but when you love one another in the spirit, your love will also be a reminder of the infinite context, the true destination. Remembering this will give your love an exalted, crystalline, and truly luminous quality. For if your emotional relationship is a jewel, your spiritual relationship is the light that shines through it.

      When we think of being with one another emotionally, we ordinarily think of empathizing with one another in times of pain or misery. While it's certainly true that in our sufferings we have a great need for empathy, we also need positive empathy—rejoicing—a delighted feeling with and for all our joys.

      Rejoicing is feeling joy, allowing the feelings of exhilaration and delight to enter your being and fill you with a fine, ecstatic sense of celebration. We all need to rejoice, to slather ourselves with exultation, because life is hard; and at times our paths are very difficult. We need to rejoice because joy is our true state of being; and when we rejoice, we return to joy for a moment. We need to rejoice because there isn't enough rejoicing in the world. And we need to rejoice together because, in this world of self-involvement and nonstop competition, it's often hard to find a kindred soul with whom to rejoice.

      Rejoicing is empathy at the encouraging end of the spectrum; and, although you may think it's easier to rejoice than to commiserate with someone, rejoicing, too, can be difficult. As a matter of fact, a lot of people feel so defeated in their own lives that instead of being able to celebrate with anyone else, they feel jealousy or self-pity. Indeed, unless you've really been able to feel your own joy, you may have a difficult time rejoicing, even with your beloved.

      So in order to rejoice together—to double your joy, to share your beloved's pleasures, and to truly celebrate them—allow yourself to rejoice first of all in your own life, about all the things that delight you, that brighten your day,

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