LITMIR.BIZ

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you. Well, what do you want?»

      Pat is Pat. I adore her.

      «Okay,» I said, «I’m really sorry for the castle. I did not mean to ruin it. I looked in because I am gathering the old team… just to do something… like before. What do you say? Are you in?»

      «I must admit, sir knight, I am unpleasantly surprised,» an icy voice answered, making me raise my head.

      To tell the truth, before that, I was looking more at her shoes, because it’s not very pleasant to look into the eyes of a person whose house (let alone castle) you just destroyed. Now I raise my head and what do I see? The princess again! When did she have the time to re-disguise herself?

      «Yes, I am rather unpleasantly surprised,» the princess continued, «and not so much even by your appearance (which is not appropriate either; did you spend the night in the stable to look and smell like that?), as by the strange hints and proposals you have the insolence to make. You probably confused me with one of your girlfriends… with some Pat, sir knight, and your too obvious dementia is the only excuse. Get out of my sight, sir knight, until my patience is exhausted and I order my men to chop off that useless stump you undeservedly call a head.»

      «Have you gone nuts?» I asked in astonishment.

      «Headsman!» the princess called out.

      «I’m here!» I answered.

      «Chop off the head of sir knight,» the princess ordered.

      «Just a second, your highness,» I said. «Where is that this «sir knight’?»

      The princess looked around in confusion and flung her arms into the air.

      «Ah, I don’t see him anymore. Apparently he escaped. What a shame! To dodge his own execution! No, I refuse to understand modern men.»

      «Pat!» I called out.

      «Unbelievable!»

      «Pat!» I screamed right in her face. The princess shuddered and looked at me, kinda surprised.

      «I’ll be back soon,» she announced. «Wait here.»

      She turned away for a moment, and repeated her focus with the return of Pat. I was silent. Because, admittedly, I did not understand what was happening here. Pat sighed and knocked on her forehead with her knuckles. The sound was not very good, but it was the expected one. Impudence, audacity, love of life – all that Pat consists of are stored in her heart.

      «This is a mask, Siri,» Pat said. I was silent. Maybe, in the end, my brain is just not as large as I would like. In any case, nothing clever came to my mind. Just nothing. Meanwhile, Pat raised her hand for a moment and took off her face, revealing the princess. After that, she returned it to its place at once.

      «Now you see? These are just masks. Pat’s mask, the Princess’s mask… Adult girls have many masks, Siri.»

      «And where is…» I tried to collect my thoughts. «And where is the real Pat?»

      «Of course, she is here, beneath them all.»

      «Can I chat with her a minute?»

      «No, Siri, you can’t.»

      She sighed.

      «I can’t take off the princess’s mask. I got stuck in it. I played for too long. So, I grew up and the mask did not. Now it altogether cannot be removed.»

      «What a hoax! Let me try.»

      She smiled sadly.

      «It will not work, Siri. I have had enough of trying already. Just believe me: they tried this way and that. Nothing helps. Nothing.»

      She smiled meaningfully. Apparently, that was some kind of hint, but I know better than to ask. Nobody likes to look like a fool.

      «I get it,» I said.

      «There you go. But I can’t always be a princess. This is terribly uncomfortable when it comes to physiology. It is absolutely impossible to eat normally, and visiting the privy is just hell. I had to make several other masks to wear on top. This one, as you see, is the former Pat. This is the office Pat. And this one…»

      «Okay, okay,» I said. «I already understood. I am not a fool here. So what about gathering a team? Are you in or what?»

      Pat looked at me with pity.

      «You understood nothing, Siri. Princesses don’t go hiking,» she said sadly and removed her mask.

      «It’s dirty on hikes, it’s damp on hikes, there are insects there and the chamber pot is constantly lost…» the princess began to list.

      «I completely agree with this, your highness,» I said «but can I talk with your maid of honor just for another minute?»

      Her Highness gave me a bored look.

      «Off with you, sir knight. We are not interested in your silly childish fun. Be off.»

      Well, what did I have left to do? I told them all goodbye and was off.

      Chapter 2 | Eddie

      Just beyond the horizon the Night Country began, where I often visited when I was younger. It would have been silly to miss the opportunity to call upon it once more, hence by the evening I was already there.

      Little had changed in my absence. Some parts looked a bit withered, rotted, or stale. Somewhere uninvited guests settled, but in general, it was just like I left it years ago. I even felt tears coming to my eye – to the right one, of course, which looks into the past. The left one, which looks to the future, never gave a damn; especially as it was three years now since it went blind, the darned thing.

      Ah, that damned past with its rotten memories! Here, little Siri is lying in his little bed all wrapped up in his little blanket. It is dark in the room because evening is here and it is time to sleep. But how can you sleep if you are all alone? The world is so big and Siri is so small. How can you sleep, indeed? The moment you’re asleep, you need to wake up again and go to kindergarten. Kindergarten! What a shitty word! It was invented by adults. Kinda garden, ha! Like hell it’s a garden. Or, better, a hell of a garden. Hellgarten, that one would be right.

      Siri wraps himself tighter in his blanket and slips away into the Night Country, where everything is safe, and very tasty because everything is made of bubblegum and marmalade. The colors are all hues of pink and yellow. The flavors are strawberry and cherry. And the smell, of course, is also strawberry and cherry. Siri has his own little cottage in the middle of the woods that is buried in snows of cotton candy. Sturdy trees made of sugar protect the little cottage from enemies. The walls of the cottage are bubblegum, which, everyone knows, can’t be destroyed. No hellgarten can get through.

      I wipe away water from my right eye. Ok, ok, enough. What’s the point in crying over the past? By the way, there is my old cottage, all candy and sugar, right ahead. Cool, yeah, but how small it is! Not sure if I could manage to stick in so much as my head.

      Though, no. I am absolutely sure I can’t. Because sitting on the porch, gnawing on a baluster, is some kind of ant man. His body is made of swarming live ants, spiders in place of the eyes, and all that. He is gripping the baluster with both hands and chewing it eagerly. Maybe it’s not a baluster. Maybe it’s a bone – if anyone is eager to know for sure, then they are welcome to come and ask. The dude should still be there, crumbs and ants spilling from his mouth onto the ground; the crumbs falling and getting lost in the moss; the ants running back to be absorbed by the guy’s body – absolutely not the sort of thing I would ever like to see again. Anyway, not the sort of a thing to hang out with just for the sake of sticking a head into a candy toy house swarming with ants. To hell with the house. Too small, too sticky, too useless. No more hellgarten to stave off, no more childish fears to barricade myself from.

      I turned around

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