LITMIR.BIZ

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haven’t been weird at all!’ Lauren said, dashing round the table to give Sarah a hug. ‘You’re going through something so awful, and this is shitty timing. If I could change it, I would, but with Michael’s grandma and all …’

      I glanced over at the little old lady in the spectacular hat. The bottle of whisky in her lap was empty now, but the bottle of gin she’d moved on to looked fairly full so I assumed she was all right. And my own personal hero.

      ‘It’ll be fine,’ Sarah promised. ‘It’ll be better than fine. I’ll be fine and the wedding will be fantastic. Give me something to do − I’m always happiest when I’m busy.’

      ‘I hate to interrupt …’ Michael, never Mike, leaned over his new fiancée’s shoulder and squeezed her shoulder. ‘But my mum and dad are leaving.’

      ‘Congratulations, Michael,’ I said, beaming at the groom. ‘Now remember, if you break her heart, I’ll have to kill you.’

      He stepped back and stared at me.

      ‘Why would you say that?’ he asked with big brown Bambi eyes. ‘And at our engagement party?’

      No one could accuse Michael of being sharp enough to cut anything. He was very nice and clearly loved the shit out of my friend but I would never forget the time he was discussing films with Sarah and told us all he thought the sequel to Dumb and Dumber was the most underrated film of all time.

      ‘It was a joke,’ I said, looking to Sarah and Lauren for support and finding none. ‘I was just kidding.’

      ‘That’s a terrible thing to say,’ he said, gripping Lauren’s hand tightly in his and pulling her away from the table to stand by his side. ‘And you’re supposed to be planning our wedding?’

      ‘Technically, I’m a bridesmaid,’ I replied. ‘I’m helping to plan the wedding. But I didn’t mean to offend you.’

      ‘Such an awful thing to say,’ he said to Lauren. ‘You know I would never hurt you. Why would she say that?’

      ‘I know.’ Lauren narrowed her eyes at me and shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about Maddie, she thinks she’s funny.’

      ‘I am funny, aren’t I?’ I hissed at Sarah, who shrugged in response.

      ‘Not as funny as he is,’ she replied. ‘But I don’t think he’s making me laugh on purpose.’

      ‘I’ll be over in a moment, honey,’ Lauren told her still horrified fiancé. ‘Don’t let them leave until I’ve said goodbye.’

      He nodded dutifully and trotted back across the room long legs lolloping, with the look of someone who had just been told his puppy was terminal.

      ‘Sorry,’ I said, hanging my head in uncertain shame. ‘Sensitive, isn’t he?’

      ‘What about the bachelorette?’ Lauren suggested, ignoring me completely. ‘We haven’t been anywhere together in forever. We should do something just us girls.’

      ‘That could be fun,’ Sarah said, looking to me for confirmation. I nodded blankly, slyly checking my phone for a message from Will. Perhaps something along the lines of ‘top shag, will you marry me?’ but alas, nothing. ‘When do you want to go?’

      ‘Next month?’

      ‘Perfect. Maddie, what weekends are you working next month?’

      ‘Huh?’ I said, putting my phone away. ‘What weekends what?’

      ‘It’s not her fault she’s being stupid,’ Sarah said, batting me in the head with her clutch bag. ‘She’s all shagged out.’

      ‘Oh!’ Lauren blinked and clapped loudly. ‘Oh my God I forgot to ask you!’

      ‘Yes,’ I said, not wanting to make too big a deal out of my shagtacular night in front of Sarah. I had given her the briefest of details in an attempt to distract her from goosing Lauren’s dad at the buffet table earlier, but I had a feeling the soon-to-be divorced didn’t want to hear too much about their friend’s amazing one-night-stand at their other friend’s engagement party.

      ‘And?’

      They both stared at me with expectation and it felt weird.

      All I’d brought to the table for the last two years, relationship-wise, was how much I missed Seb, and now, out of nowhere, I was the centre of attention. Sarah was getting divorced, Lauren was getting married, I was the only one with shagging stories. Even though they were my best friends, I got the impression that they felt sorry for me sometimes. Having someone new, something promising to talk about, felt like a relief.

      ‘He’s … I don’t know,’ I said, confused and oddly shy. ‘I like him.’

      ‘Ooooh, you like him!’ Lauren did a little dance in her seat. ‘Are you bringing him to the wedding?’

      ‘I think it’s a bit early to be thinking about that,’ I scoffed.

      It wasn’t too early. I had thought about it endlessly, ever since he’d left that morning.

      Sarah stuffed a whole tomato and goat’s cheese bruschetta into her mouth as a waiter with a shocked face reeled from the drive-by food-snatching. ‘Tell us everything.’

      ‘His name is Will,’ I started.

      ‘Will what?’ Lauren asked.

      ‘Oh,’ I replied, cringing. ‘I don’t actually know.’

      ‘How old is he?’

      ‘Don’t know.’

      ‘What does he do?’

      ‘He’s a lawyer!’

      ‘Oh.’ Lauren frowned. ‘Not another one.’

      ‘How do you know Will isn’t some amazing lawyer who works for a charity or saves children from sweatshops or stops make-up companies from testing lipsticks on rabbits?’ I asked.

      ‘Is he?’

      ‘I don’t know,’ I admitted. ‘I know he’s a lawyer, I know he was Ian McCallan’s best man at the wedding yesterday, I know he likes to sleep on his left side and I know he likes to walk around my flat starkers in the morning.’

      ‘What does he look like?’ Lauren asked, tapping away at her phone while Sarah rolled her eyes.

      Rude.

      ‘Dark hair but really, really short,’ I said. It felt strange talking about him like this as though he was someone I’d seen on TV, not someone real. ‘Nice smile, like, you just want to laugh every time you see it. Golden-brown eyes, great bod.’

      ‘Give me a comparison.’

      ‘Um, George Clooney before he went grey?’ I said. ‘Only English and without the gay rumours.’

      Lauren squinted at me angrily. ‘George is married now! You’ve got to quit saying that shit.’

      ‘Elton John was married,’ I replied. ‘And he works in Holborn. And one of the ushers from the wedding really doesn’t like him.’

      ‘Yeah, well, he probably fancies you as well,’ Sarah said. ‘Men only ever fall out over women and football.’

      ‘Oh, he plays rugby! I know he plays rugby,’ I replied. ‘And the usher didn’t fancy me − he thought I looked like a fat panda, plus he’s engaged. Will says he’s a knobhead and I’m inclined to agree.’

      ‘Is this him?’ Lauren held up her phone to reveal an iPhone plus-sized photo of the man I’d been having sex with not three hours earlier.

      ‘Bloody hell, how did you do that?’ I asked, grabbing the phone out of her hand. I fancied him so much I could hardly stand to look at him.

      ‘Facebook?

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