LITMIR.BIZ

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Shit!

      I pulled up a chair and sat down, half out of shock. The name we’d come up with wasn’t the greatest, but it had clearly done its job. I struggled to get my head into gear. She was the first to call—though I wasn’t about to let her know that, of course.

      ‘Hello, how might we help you?’

       What have we got ourselves into?

      ‘Uh, I’ve never done this before,’ she mumbled. ‘I was wondering if you might be able to send me someone tomorrow evening?’

      What was I thinking? I can’t do this. This isn’t for me. That was why I’d volunteered my phone number in the first place, so I could act the receptionist and palm off anyone who rang onto one of the others.

      It was one thing to fantasise about girls phoning you for sex, it was quite another to be faced with the sheer reality of going with whoever happened to ask. Suppose she sounded better than she turned out to look? What did you do then?

      This one wasn’t too young—I could tell by the tone of her voice—and she was clearly nervous.

      Join the club.

      I sat up straight on the dining chair and went into professional mode.

      ‘Is there anyone on the website you liked the look of? Sorry, your name is—?’

      Mark’s ears pricked up. He stared across the room at me with excited saucer eyes and a smirk. I shook my head as a sign to him to ease up, and tried to focus on what was being said to me.

      ‘Jenny,’ she replied. ‘I don’t have a computer.’

      Ah, definitely an older woman. Okaay.

      ‘Nice to talk to you, Jenny, I’m Luke. That’s not a problem. What would you like him to look like? We have a range of young men on our books.’

      Mark stifled a guffaw and I shot a glare at him.

      ‘I’m not—I’m not sure,’ she stuttered.

      So, she was indecisive. That wasn’t a problem either. All I had to do was make sure she was satisfied with the service. She didn’t sound as if she could cope with someone too bullish, like Simon, our resident rugby player. She needed a gentleman who wouldn’t frighten her off.

      ‘You sound nice.’ She laughed nervously. ‘Are you available?’

       Fuck!

      ‘Thank you, Jenny, but, sorry, I’m not.’ I tried to sound calm and friendly though I felt out of my depth. ‘I tell you what, though, I’ll make sure you have a pleasant surprise.’

      I took down her details and we said goodbye to each other.

      As I put down the receiver, Mark started clapping.

      ‘Congratulations. You’ve just nailed our very first client!’

      ‘Yeah, and now we’ve got to decide which of us’ll have her. Will you go?’

      I sat down beside him, and picked up my can from the floor.

      ‘What’s she like?’

      ‘She sounded old enough to be my mother.’

      Mark grimaced.

      I laughed. ‘You’ve just discounted Madonna.’

      ‘Er, yeah.’

      ‘All angles and humourless. Fair point,’ I agreed. ‘Hang on, I know who.’ I got up again and returned to the phone.

      ‘What? Who?’ quizzed Mark.

      I pressed the buttons and put the receiver to my ear, leaning against the wall. ‘Rob, of course. He’s always game on. For one thing, he could do with the cash.’

      ‘Well, yeah,’ shrugged Mark. ‘He could always do with the cash. Isn’t that his problem?’

      Rob had never quite got the hang of money, especially since his bank seemed so keen to give him more of it whenever he wanted. Except they had now decided to call in the debt. The magic had fallen out of the plastic.

      Come on, Rob, I prayed. Pick up, pick up.

      He eventually picked up.

      ‘Hey, Rob. It’s Luke. How’d you like to make a fast buck? We’ve had a client call for an escort and your name came up.’

       Flatter the guy.

      Across the room, one of Mark’s eyebrows arched up. Rob was up for it too. I could sense his excitement down the line.

      ‘I tell you what. As this is your first time, forget about the commission and just come back and tell me all about it and buy me a beer.’

      I took a swig from my own can, and set it down on the seat of the chair beside me. I couldn’t help noticing that, across the room, both of Mark’s eyebrows were now up his forehead. The sense of that anger was a distraction even as I gave Rob the details. I ended the call, and confronted him.

      ‘What?’

      ‘How’s the business supposed to survive if nobody puts any money in the pot?’ he steamed as I sat back down.

      ‘Aw, I know, but if you can’t help out a mate, eh? Anyhow, it is our first ever call—not that Rob knows that. It won’t happen again.’

      We sat in silence and drank our beer. Then Mark grinned, his spirits obviously lifting.

      ‘God, Luke, we’re officially launched. Can you believe it?’

      I smiled and nodded. We high-fived.

      Rob called after I’d finished at the café the following evening and was putting together my dinner. I could hear pub clatter in the background and hoped he wasn’t soaking up too much Dutch courage before his assignment.

      ‘Luke, I’m not sure about this. I don’t know if I can go through with it.’

       Don’t get cold feet on me, Rob.

      ‘Don’t worry about it. Think of it like any other date. You meet, have a drink, you go back to her place…’

      I picked at the peeling wallpaper around the phone. A previous tenant had used the plaster to jot down numbers that I sometimes wondered if I should call just for the hell of it.

      ‘Yeah, but I fancy my dates,’ Rob flung back. ‘What if I don’t fancy her?’

      ‘Well, that’s where the dosh comes in. Just think about the money!’

      I thought of nervous Jenny wanting someone who’d treat her well, who wouldn’t ride roughshod over her. No, it wasn’t just about the money.

      ‘Look, Rob, everyone gets nervous their first time. Of course they do. She’ll be just as anxious. Take it easy.’

      A slither of wallpaper came away in my hand, and I let it fall to the floor.

      ‘Did you get nervous, Luke? What was it like?’

      I gulped. He had no idea he was the first of any of us to test out our escort scheme.

      I evaded the question. On the carpet beneath the phone was a growing pile of peelings that needed a good vacuum. If we’d had a vacuum cleaner.

      ‘It’s different for everyone. You’ve got to go out there and make your own mark. Be every woman’s dream!’

      ‘Yeah, right,’ said Rob, not sounding at all confident.

      ‘You know what to do, of course you do. You’re used to scoring, yeah? Just be a bit more of a gentleman when you go about it.’ On second thoughts: ‘Unless of course she requests otherwise.’

      There was a chuckle on the other end of the line. That was better.

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