LITMIR.BIZ

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says Phil. ‘I really hadn’t had you figured for the playing-away-from-home type, that’s more Dave’s style.’

      Dave grinned ruefully; as the survivor of two failed marriages and innumerable affairs himself, he struggles to deal with commitment.

      ‘I’m not,’ I say, ‘really I’m not. It’s just – things were difficult, really difficult, and Emily just came along …’

      ‘You don’t have to explain to us,’ says Dave, patting me on the back. ‘Good for you, mate. Emily’s great. Don’t listen to the gossips. What do they know?’

      ‘Thanks,’ I say, ‘I appreciate it.’

      I can see Emily is standing looking slightly dazed by what has happened. I have to get her out of here.

      ‘Time to go I think,’ I say firmly, grabbing her by the arm, and steering her towards the cloakroom. Emily is staggering all over the place. Shit, what’s got into her? She never normally drinks this much. She knows I hate it.

      ‘Adam, I’m so sorry,’ she says. She looks a little shocked, as if she’s not quite sure what happened.

      Neither am I, but if I wanted to stay here any longer, I’ve changed my mind. It was a bad idea to come. A bad idea to bring Emily. For whatever reason, Livvy had a strong support team in my office, and still has. None of them know what she was really like. They just saw the happy family, admired how together we were despite the problems with Joe, and were shocked and stunned by what had happened to her. Everyone was great after Livvy died, but I know they all think Emily’s on the scene suspiciously soon. I wish they’d leave their suspicions and nastiness to themselves.

      And now I’m cross with Emily for coming. For getting drunk. For ruining the evening. It’s unfair of me I know, but for the first time I feel a prickle of anger that Emily isn’t Livvy. Despite everything that went wrong between us, what happened to Livvy wasn’t fair. I didn’t want to be married to her any more, but neither did I want this. Since she died I’ve been in limbo: missing her, grieving for her, trying to be strong for Joe, treading water with Emily, feeling guilty that she makes me so happy, not sure I deserve this second chance. It’s not Emily’s fault, or anyone else’s. It just is.

      The fresh air seems to sober Emily up a little. Immediately she’s remorseful in the way that drunks always are, and for a moment I’m so reminded of Livvy I feel sick. She says, ‘I’m sorry, Adam. I drank far too much. I hope I haven’t made a fool of you at work. I was just so nervous, and then I spilled my drink and I heard Marigold gossiping about me and …’ She looks at me with genuine regret, and I realize, of course, she’s not Livvy. This is the first time I’ve ever seen Emily get drunk. She likes to enjoy herself, certainly, and one of the great things about her is we can have a good time without alcohol being involved – when I think of Livvy, even in our early days our nights out always included drink. I probably shouldn’t have taken Emily to the party. It was too soon. That’s the problem: everything’s too damned soon.

      I take her into my arms and hold her tight.

      ‘Nah, it’s all right,’ I say. ‘Everyone at work’s been really great to me this year, but to be honest, I’m fed up of people talking about me behind my back. You’re the one good thing to happen to me in the last few years. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. At least the truth’s out in the open now. Come on, let’s get dinner.’

      ‘I promise to drink water,’ says Emily, and we wander down the high street looking for somewhere to eat. As we approach an Italian we like, which doesn’t look too busy, I see a black cat walk across our path.

      ‘Ooh, hope that’s lucky,’ says Emily, squeezing me close.

      ‘Yeah, me too,’ I say vaguely.

      ‘Are you sure you’re not angry with me?’ Emily is so contrite, I can’t possibly be cross any more. I just look at her and know that whatever happened in the past I want her in my future.

      ‘I’m really not,’ I say and give her a hug. Christmas is coming. Life is very different, but I’ve got Emily beside me, and at the moment, I feel as if I can take over the world.

       Livvy

      I am in shock. My memories of the day I died have become mired in fog thanks to all that time spent in the car park. I knew I was texting Adam angrily about something, but – maybe I didn’t want to remember? – the exact words of my text had been banished to the back of my mind. Now I realize I must have known from the minute Emily was in the house that she was the Other Woman, but I didn’t want to admit that Adam could possibly have carried it on after I’d gone. I felt his anguish when I died. I know he still has feelings for me. I just know it. It makes me more determined than ever to win him back. Malachi’s right: we have unfinished business. I need to show Adam what he’s missing. I lost him to Emily once; I’m not going to let it happen again. Especially where my son is involved.

      I hadn’t really had a plan when I went to the party. But hearing Marigold and her mates gossiping, it seemed a good idea to see if I could nudge them in the right direction. I remember vaguely that Marigold has always been keen on psychics, so she’s very susceptible, which meant it was quite easy for me to get into her thoughts. Sadly, Adam and Emily seem to be far too sceptical, which is making it much harder to get them to listen to me. But with Marigold it was easy. All I had to do was sit down beside her, and drop the idea that Emily and Adam hadn’t wasted much time and hear her repeat it to her neighbour.

      ‘You’d think he might have waited a bit longer, don’t you?’ said one of the girls from the sales team.

      ‘It’s indecent,’ snorted another.

      ‘If you ask me, it’s been going on longer than any of us think,’ was Marigold’s contribution to a collective gasp from the rest of the table, including one from me. It didn’t take long for the rumours to fly. Marigold can always be relied on to pass on a bit of gossip. I think she’s probably half in love with Adam. Maybe she thought he’d find comfort in her arms. Emily must have come as a hell of a shock. I could feel the hatred positively bristling off her. I wasn’t really expecting Emily to confess to a full-blown affair, though. How could Adam have done that to me? What had I done to deserve it? I am reeling from the shock. I am going to split them up, and she will keep her claws off Adam. He’s mine.

      Not that I appear to have succeeded in that endeavour. Having thought that Adam would be angry with Emily, he seems to have got over it annoyingly quickly. If I had the tiniest drink at an office party, Adam was always tediously on my case about it. I remember one spectacular row when he accused me of showing him up because I’d danced on a table with the managing director.

      ‘I was only having a laugh,’ I’d protested. ‘You have no sense of fun any more.’

      He’d looked at me in incomprehension, then said, ‘Maybe my idea of fun is different from yours.’

      We’d gone to bed that night in separate rooms, and he never referred to it again. But now, look at him, forgiving Emily so easily, when she’d embarrassed him far more than I ever had. It doesn’t seem fair.

      I follow them as far as an Italian restaurant and watch them go inside. They’re sitting at a table looking totally loved up, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach just to watch them. This won’t do at all.

      ‘And what did you think you were going to achieve with that stunt?’ Malachi appears on the street, looking very pissed off.

      ‘I had hoped that it would make Adam see the error of his ways and remember it’s me that he loves, not Emily.’

      ‘In case you’d forgotten, there’s a bit of a flaw in your plan.’

      ‘Yes, yes, I know I’m dead and I can’t have him back,’ I say impatiently. ‘But it’s as if Adam has forgotten all about me, as if I never even existed. I want him to remember it’s me

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