LITMIR.BIZ

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Did she dare say that? Did she dare send it?

      She did.

      Come on, come on – reply, damn you!

      Come

       on!

       Replyreplyreply.

      Yes!

       rock hard – where r u?

      She gave a joyous shriek.

      ‘Alice?’ Mark called through the door. ‘Are you OK?’

      ‘What? I’m fine – I’m fine. It’s just Thea being daft.’

       in bath – v soapy

      She waited a decorous few minutes before sending it.

      ‘Alice?’

       Oh for fuck’s sake, Mark – what?

      ‘Yes?’

      ‘I wouldn’t mind coming in and doing my teeth and stuff.’

      Shit, the next message had just buzzed through and she was desperate to read it.

      ‘But the door’s locked,’ Mark continued.

      ‘God, can’t I have a bath in peace,’ Alice protested. ‘Look, I’ll be out in two minutes – all right?’

      She heard Mark pad away. She felt relieved rather than guilty. She looked at her phone.

       u horny bitch

      Paul was right. She was. She was horny. Very excited and extremely horny. Just then she was horny enough not to care that she was a bitch.

      Five pence was the cost of it. It occurred to Alice that a 5p text message had bought her an affair. But she didn’t stop to think that it might be at the price of her marriage. It was just harmless texting, after all. Virtual sex. Not real. No one need know.

      But it wasn’t long before Alice was living from text message to text message, becoming decidedly fractious in between. Her moods, a pendulum swinging erratically between high spirits and furtive anticipation; her spiky frustration affecting everyone in spitting distance. She could be impatient and surly at work and short-tempered and snappish with Mark, or inspiring and energetic with her team and affectionate and vivacious at home. It all depended on whether she was owed a text from Paul or not. No one around her could figure out what the problem was and whether or not it lay with them. Because they did not know where they stood, so they tiptoed around her and tried their best to please her.

      Thea was dismayed when Alice handed over her mobile and told her to scroll through. ‘You said it was just a one-night stand.’

      ‘It was,’ Alice frowned, snatching back her phone and gazing at the screen as if a photo was lodged there. ‘God, stop taking everything so seriously, Thea,’ she said, ‘they’re just silly, sexy, harmless texts – but Christ they make my day.’

      Once more, Thea felt compromised between her own personal morality and Alice’s infectious energy.

      ‘They must be costing you a fortune,’ Thea remarked.

      ‘I’ve started buying those text bundles the phone companies market at teenagers!’ Alice exclaimed, her face one lascivious expansive grin.

      ‘Let me see that last one again,’ Thea requested because she felt it was expected of her. Though she didn’t want to encourage Alice, she knew her duty as the adulteress’s best friend was not to alienate her either.

      And when Mark flew off to Singapore and Tokyo on business, then the phone sex began. In the house alone, with no intention of asking Thea’s approval, permission or advice, Alice phoned Paul. And the outright dirtiness of the text messaging was replaced with naughty giggles and coy referencing and then, surprisingly, five minutes of chit-chat. On a nightly basis.

      ‘He’s just a friend,’ Alice justified to Thea, having thrust her mobile phone at her friend’s ear so she could hear his voice. ‘We’re just mates.’

      ‘“Mate” being the operative word,’ Thea couldn’t resist saying. ‘You fucked, remember.’

      Alice physically swiped the air dismissively. ‘He lives in Fucksville France!’ Alice breezed, as if Thea’s insinuation was ludicrous.

       u awake? can u spk? u alone?

      Yes, Alice was awake but no she couldn’t speak because Mark and she were just about to sit down to supper.

      ‘I’m just going to the loo,’ Alice told Mark, surreptitiously slipping her phone into her back pocket. ‘Can you stir the sauce and switch the rice off in a couple of minutes?’

      ‘Wine? White?’ Mark asked, starting the interminable search for the sodding corkscrew.

      Alice locks the toilet door.

       not alone – hows u, big boy?

      coming the reply announces.

      Alice laughs as she sends her reply: u dirty boy – u’ll go blind!

      coming over he sends back.

      Before Alice has the chance to absorb the information let alone formulate a response, a barrage of messages arrives on her phone.

       to london

       next tues

       3 nights

       get ready, baby – gonna make u sore

      Oh

      My

      God

      Sitting on the closed toilet seat, Alice is utterly stuck for text words.

      She switches off her phone without replying and leaves it on top of the cistern in irrational fear of Paul suddenly materializing from it like a genie from the lamp.

      Oh

      My

      God

Table for Four

      ‘I can’t remember it being this much hassle when I bought my flat five years ago,’ Thea declared with a sorry pout around the table.

      ‘You were a first-time buyer,’ Mark said soothingly, asking the wine waiter to bring whichever red he’d recommend.

      ‘But it’s not like I’m in a chain,’ Thea protested, ‘my problem is that my buyer is a bloody lawyer and he’s being exasperatingly finicky. We could be on the verge of exchanging contracts but he’s not going to unless a structural surveyor has checked some minor detail or other.’

      ‘Has your offer been accepted on the place you like?’ Mark asked Saul.

      ‘No – we’ve upped it but they’re sitting on it,’ Saul told him, squeezing Thea’s wrist supportively.

      ‘It’s Sod’s Law – and it’s down to the bloody postcode fiasco. Thea’s trying to sell in a buyer’s market and yet you’re trying to buy in a seller’s market. All in the same city,’ Mark observed. ‘Thea darling, if you sell before you buy, you can always store your stuff at ours.’

      ‘Thanks,’ said Thea glumly because it was of little consolation just then. ‘They say that moving house is the most stressful thing we encounter after death and divorce.’

      ‘Better not die then – and keep cohabiting, rather than marrying,’ Mark laughed. He looked over at Alice who was gazing at her lap. ‘Are you OK, darling?’

      ‘What?’ She looked up and around the table as if she was startled to find herself there with them. ‘I’m

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