LITMIR.BIZ

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herself. So he set about deliberately getting her pregnant without her knowing, hoping that then she’d marry him.’

      ‘How on earth did he get her pregnant without her knowing it was on the cards?’

      ‘I gather he doctored the condoms.’

      ‘That was an extremely bold move.’

      ‘Love can make you bold, I guess. And wanting something badly enough.’

      ‘I guess,’ he said, his eyes clouding over, then drifting off somewhere distant.

      ‘Did you want children when you were married, Justin?’ Rachel asked before she could think better of it.

      ‘What?’ He stared at her for a second as though he had no idea what she was talking about. But then his eyes cleared. ‘Yes, yes, I did. Mandy did, too, till she…’ He broke off abruptly. ‘Can we discuss something else, please?’

      Isabel and Rafe’s return with the coffee was a blessing, though Isabel’s intuition antennae seemed to pick up on something straight away, and she flicked Rachel a frowning glance.

      Rachel gave a little shake of her head and dredged up a covering smile. ‘You haven’t shown me all the lovely things you bought in Hong Kong yet,’ she said brightly.

      ‘I was just saying that to Isabel,’ Rafe replied. ‘Why don’t you two girls take your coffee into the bedroom and do just that? We two men can stay here and talk about man stuff.’

      Isabel rolled her eyes as she handed the stylish blue and white mugs of steaming coffee around. ‘In that case, you have a deal. Two arrogant, self-opinionated males exchanging macho bulldust is not my idea of a fun time. Come on, Rach, let’s get out of here and leave these two to play one-upmanship all by themselves.’

      ‘I’ll have you know that I never play one-upmanship!’ Rafe called after the girls as they retreated, mugs in hand.

      Rachel and Isabel’s laughter lasted till the bedroom door was safely shut behind them.

      ‘What happened out there?’ Isabel asked straight away. ‘You were both happy as larks when Rafe and I left to go make the coffee, and as tense as anything when we came back.’

      Rachel sighed. ‘The conversation came round to you and Rafe expecting a child and I stupidly asked him if he’d wanted children when he was married.’

      ‘Stupidly asked!’ Isabel exclaimed, her expression one of outrage. ‘What’s stupid about a normal question like that? Truly, Rachel, you’re not going to turn into one of those women afraid to ask their boyfriend anything about his past. Or your future together, for that matter. I, for one, would like to know exactly what his intentions are towards you.’

      Rachel had to smile. Dear Isabel. She really was a good friend. When she wasn’t playing bossy mother. She didn’t know it but she was just like her own mother in some ways, a fact which would pain Isabel if she realised it.

      ‘He wants me to be his lover, his friend and his PA,’ Rachel answered patiently. ‘But not necessarily in that order of priority. He doesn’t want me to be his wife. And obviously not the mother of his children. He doesn’t love me. Neither does he want to remarry. He told me so upfront. He’s been very honest with me, Isabel, and I have no right to cross-question him, or try to change the status quo.’

      ‘Oh, Rachel, that’s just so much crap.’

      ‘No, it’s not. I’ve gone into this affair with my eyes wide open. I know the score. Justin doesn’t want my love. He wants my friendship, my companionship and my body.’

      ‘And you can live with that?’

      ‘For the time being. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a very different long-term agenda. I’m not that self-sacrificing. I love Justin more than I ever loved Eric and I aim to marry him one day.’

      ‘Wow. Now, that’s more like my old Rachel. So what are you going to do? Get pregnant accidentally on purpose after a little while?’ Isabel asked excitedly.

      Rachel was taken aback. ‘Are you insane? That strategy would never work with Justin.’

      ‘How do you know? Rafe said it’s a winner if the guy cares about you at all, and you obviously think he does.’

      ‘Yes, I do. But he hasn’t totally got over his wife yet. I’m hopeful he will, though, the same way I eventually got over Eric. Time does heal all wounds, you know.’

      ‘No, it doesn’t,’ Isabel countered sharply. ‘Sometimes people get gangrene. On top of that, it took you damned years to get over that rotter, my girl. By the time Justin is ready to move on from his slutty ex, you might be too old to have children. Don’t wait, I say. Take a chance and get preggers and see what happens.’

      ‘Uh-uh, Isabel. That worked for you and Rafe because you loved each other. Justin doesn’t love me yet. He wouldn’t marry me at this point in time and I don’t want to be a single mum. I want any child of mine to have it all. Both parents who love him or her, and who love each other.’

      Isabel frowned, and cocked her head on one side. ‘Are you sure he doesn’t? Love you, that is?’

      ‘What? Look, what are you playing at now, Isabel?’

      ‘Just looking at the situation from a different angle. To be honest, if I didn’t know Justin’s personal history I would have said he was quite besotted with you.’

      Rachel could feel herself blushing. ‘You really think so?’

      ‘Absolutely. He might very well be in love with you. He just doesn’t know it himself yet. Rafe didn’t realise he loved me for ages. So tell me one thing. Is Justin going to tell his mother about you, or is your sleeping together to be kept a tacky little secret?’

      ‘Funny you should ask that. I thought he’d want to keep our affair a secret. But no, he’s already told Alice over the phone and we’re going to her place for lunch tomorrow. Apparently, he has lunch with his mother practically every Sunday.’

      ‘Well, well, well,’ Isabel mused. ‘That’s good news. That’s very good news indeed.’

      ‘I thought so too.’

      ‘We have reason to hope, then, don’t we?’ Isabel said, feeling more optimistic over this relationship than she had all evening.

      ‘We do, Isabel,’ Rachel agreed and smiled at her best friend. ‘Now, no more talk about Justin. I want to see all the goodies you brought back from Hong Kong.’

       CHAPTER SIXTEEN

      ‘WHAT are you thinking about?’ Rachel asked dreamily.

      They were in bed together, post-dinner with Isabel and Rafe, post-coitus, both on their backs, both staring up at the bedroom ceiling.

      Justin didn’t answer immediately, since the truth was out of the question. How could he possibly tell her he was thinking that if she wasn’t on the Pill they might have just made a baby together, or, even more amazingly, that he wished that were the case?

      Ever since Rachel had told him that story tonight about Rafe deliberately getting Isabel pregnant to get her to marry him, he’d been having the most incredible thoughts. He knew he didn’t love Rachel. Hell, how could he when he still loved Mandy? Yet here he was, wanting her to be the mother of his child. And maybe even his wife!

      Was he losing his mind? Or had Rachel’s also asking him if he’d wanted children when he was married to Mandy made him realise just how much he had wanted children? Losing the woman he loved to another man didn’t mean he had to lose the chance of having a family of his own, did it?

      Another remark of Rachel’s tonight came back to tantalise his mind, and torment his conscience.

      Wanting

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