LITMIR.BIZ

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lecture coming from the most eligible woman in the Valley.”

      “I’m not… Eligible isn’t how I describe myself.”

      “How do you?”

      “I don’t know,” she murmured. “Happy?”

      “Alone?”

      “Well, yes. I have my five cats, three dogs, et cetera, and my bridal salon. I never feel alone,” she said, vaguely wondering if she was telling herself or Barney the truth.

      “Maybe you and I should get married, since we both think marriage is too much trouble,” he suggested.

      “Maybe so.” She laughed, not taking him seriously. “I don’t cook.”

      “I don’t vacuum.”

      “It would make my mother deliriously happy.”

      “I’d have to beat the hell out of Mitch every time he came around,” Barney continued.

      She stared at him, her eyes stretched wide and her smile frozen.

      “Jes’ kiddin’,” he said. “But in the three minutes you’ve had your eyes affixed to my handsome countenance, I estimate Mitch’s looked at your legs once every five seconds.”

      “My legs?” she whispered.

      “And all the rest of ya.” Barney waltzed her so that she couldn’t glance at Mitch no matter how badly she wanted to. “You two ever gonna get together?”

      She frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”

      “Jes’ seems that you’ve got some unfinished business, which makes it hard for the rest of us bachelors.”

      “You just said you preferred being single.”

      “I know. And you just said you liked being single, so how come you’re not insisting you don’t want to get together with him?”

      He had the slyest grin lighting his face. Crystal sighed. “Barney, you never have given me the respect the other guys did. I think you’re still smarting from my good aim.”

      “You got lucky with that water balloon,” he told her. “I was in P.E. class with you, so I know you couldn’t hit the basket when you stood right under the net. But it’s not that I don’t respect you, Crystal. I probably just see myself in you. Kinda lonely, and kinda not sure what to do about it.”

      She hesitated in his arms, surprised.

      He kissed her smack on the lips.

      “But at least I’ve got good aim,” he said with relish.

      AFTER THAT, CRYSTAL AVOIDED the football trio, Mitch and Kathryn as they all stood around talking. She circulated among the other guests, and spoke with the McSterns. After a while, she cut her birthday cake and opened the gag birthday gifts, most of which had to do with her single status. Kathryn’s gift was a painted dog bowl that was darling, a fact Crystal reluctantly admitted to herself. She was even more astonished to turn it over and see Kathryn’s name on the back. “You painted this yourself?”

      “Yes. I did. The invitation said to bring a gag gift, so I hope you don’t mind I brought something for your pets.”

      “I didn’t know you were such an artist!”

      Kathryn’s gaze bounced to Mitch and then back to Crystal. “I’ve had a lot of time to myself for the past couple of years. I decided to take up pottery. Fortunately, I’m having a little success with it.”

      “Wait a minute,” Crystal said. “I’ve got a black teapot and cup at home that reminds me of this. It’s rimmed in white and has pink-and-red roses scrolling across the bowl.”

      Kathryn blushed. “That sounds like my design.”

      “I had no idea,” Crystal murmured, studying the oval shape of the dog bowl. Dogs and dog bones chased across the front in a cheery pattern, and at the bottom of the inside a red beribboned bow was painted. “Thank you, Kathryn. It’s almost too pretty to use. But I will.”

      For some reason, the gift made Crystal a little sad. She finished opening gag gifts, and then, miraculously, the evening drew to a close. With relief, Crystal showed guests to the door. She thanked each one for coming. The band packed up their instruments and departed.

      Her family’s bright eyes watched her as she closed the door for the final time.

      “That was very sweet,” she told them. “Thank you.”

      “Did you have fun?” Bess asked.

      “I actually did.” Crystal hugged them all. “I’m glad it was a surprise party, because if I’d known I’d be facing that, I would have been nervous for a week. I think your birthday present gave me some extra courage, Aunt Elle.” She flipped her skirt to show the perfect pleats. “And the shoes, Mom. And of course the lovely necklace, Uncle Martin.”

      “There’re flowers in the kitchen from Mitch we didn’t give you yet,” Bess admitted.

      She halted, her emotions back on the skids. “Flowers?”

      “We’re so sorry!” Aunt Elle cried, clasping her hands. “We didn’t want you…you know. Upset!”

      “So we didn’t tell you about them. We were afraid it would ruin your evening,” Bess told her.

      Crystal went into the kitchen, her heart fluttering as she saw the lovely roses. “Oh, my,” she murmured.

      “Here’s the card,” Martin prompted.

      “Thank you.” She opened it, her pulse beating with excitement.

      Happy Birthday to a beautiful lady. Mitch.

      She stuffed the card back into the envelope.

      “Aren’t you going to tell us what it says?” Martin asked hopefully.

      “No. It’s just typical Mitch. Nothing of substance.” Crystal headed for the front door, carrying gifts to load into her car. When she was done, she came back inside and hugged each of them again. “I truly had a wonderful time,” she said to her family. “For once in my life, I felt like a real Cinderella.”

      She blew them a kiss and breezed out the door, her twinkly red heels catching shine from the porch lights.

      Bess looked after her daughter wistfully. “May the clock never strike midnight for you when you finally meet your handsome prince,” she whispered.

      THE FLOWERS, BESS NOTED immediately, somehow were left in the kitchen. “I don’t know that Crystal left them on purpose, but I somehow suspect she did.”

      “It’s possible. Although I was very proud of the way she comported herself, both with Mitch and when Kathryn showed up alone,” Elle commented as she began hand-washing china plates.

      “Couldn’t not invite her,” Bess said defensively. “She is married to Tom, and they’re both members of Crystal’s class. Tom would have heard about the party from Barney, Frankie and Lincoln.”

      “Goof, Goober and Goobus,” Martin stated decisively, reaching for a cup towel to dry the dishes. “Do you really think those leftovers could catch Crystal?”

      “No.” Bess shook her head. “But they sure did slobber all over her tonight, didn’t they?”

      “We didn’t have to try too hard to keep Mitch away from Crystal, although his eyes might have well been glued to her.” Elle examined a crystal flute for lipstick. “Did you intentionally monopolize him, sister dear?”

      “I most certainly did. I told him under no circumstances was he to encroach upon Crystal’s relaunch into society. It’s not fair that just when I decide to help her help herself, he shows up again!”

      “Oh, my,” Elle breathed.

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