LITMIR.BIZ

      Chapter Two

      RAINE drove home, wishing she hadn’t lost control like that in front of Caleb. It was her own fault that he had no idea what she’d been through. No one did. She been too embarrassed, too ashamed. Feeling too guilty to tell anyone.

      She was determined to get over the past, and she knew that moving forward was the best way to accomplish that. And if she regretted taking a break from her relationship with Caleb, she had no one to blame but herself.

      Caleb had trust issues. But instead of trying to work through them, she’d broken things off. And then, when he’d tried to call to make up, she hadn’t returned his calls.

      Because by then everything had changed.

      She’d thought she’d put the past behind her. But obviously she’d jumped back into the trauma environment a little too quickly. She’d taken off work completely for a week, and then had taken a three-week assignment in the minor care area, trying to ease herself back into the stressful working environment the way her counselor had suggested. Obviously, she had a way to go before she’d be back to her old self.

      She pulled into her assigned parking space in the small lot behind her apartment, threw the gearshift into park and dropped her forehead on the steering-wheel with a deep, heavy sigh.

      Who was she trying to kid? She’d never be the person she had been before. Hadn’t her counselor drilled that fact into her head? There was no going back. The only option was to move forward.

      Firming her resolve, she climbed from the car and headed up to her second-story apartment. She smiled when her cat, Spice, meowed softly and came running over to greet her, rubbing up against her leg with a satisfied purr. She picked up the cat and buried her face in the soft fur. She’d adopted Spice from the local shelter a few weeks ago and had not regretted it. Coming home to an empty apartment night after night had been difficult. Spice made coming home much easier. And the cat gave her someone to talk to.

      She threw a small beanbag ball past Spice—the goofy cat actually liked to play fetch like a dog—and tried to unwind from the long shift. But the relaxation tips her therapist had suggested didn’t help and she still had trouble falling asleep. She’d taken to sleeping on her sofa, and as she stared at the ceiling, she thought about her counselor’s advice to confide in someone. She knew her counselor might be right, but she just couldn’t make herself take that step.

      If she told one of her friends what had happened, they’d look at her differently. With horror. With pity. Asking questions. She shivered with dread. No, she couldn’t stand the thought of anyone knowing the gory details. Especially when she couldn’t remember much herself.

      The one person she might have confided in was Caleb. If he’d trusted her. Which he didn’t.

      The events of that night when he’d looked at her with frank disgust still had the power to hurt her. She’d gone out to a local pub with a group of ED staff nurses and physicians after work. Jake, one of the new ED residents, had flirted with her. She hadn’t really thought too much about it until the moment she’d realized he’d had too much to drink. He’d leaned in close, with his arm around the back of her chair, trying to kiss her.

      Before she could gently, but firmly push him away, Caleb had walked in. She’d blushed because she knew the situation looked bad, but he hadn’t given her a chance to explain. Instead, he’d accused her of seeing Jake behind his back.

      She’d seen the flash of hurt in his eyes, but at the same time she hadn’t appreciated Caleb’s willingness to think the worst of her. She’d talked to him the next day, and had tried to explain. But when he’d sounded distant, and remote, she’d given up, telling him it might be best to take a break from their relationship for a while.

      She’d been stunned when he’d agreed.

      Pounding a fist into her pillow, she turned on the sofa and tried to forget about Caleb. With everything that had happened, she’d put distance between herself and her friends.

      Her closest friend, Elana Schultz, had recently married ED physician Brock Madison. In the months since their wedding she hadn’t seen as much of Elana. They were still friends, but Elana had a new life now with Brock.

      When Elana had assumed Raine had taken the job in Minor Care to avoid Caleb, she hadn’t told her friend any different.

      It was better than Elana knowing the truth.

      The next morning Raine’s phone woke her from a deep sleep. She patted the mound of linens on her sofa, searching for her cellphone. “Hello?”

      “Raine? It’s Elana. I just had to call to tell you the news.”

      “News?” Elana’s dramatically excited tone brought a smile to her face. She pushed a hand through her hair and blinked the sleep from her eyes. “What news?”

      “We heard the baby’s heart beat!” Elana exclaimed, her excitement contagious. “You should have seen the look on Brock’s face, he was so enthralled. He brought tears to my eyes. You’d never guess he once decided to live his life without children.”

      “He was delusional, obviously,” Raine said dismissively. “And that was long before he met you. I’m so excited for you, Elana. Did you and Brock change your mind about finding out the baby’s gender?”

      “No, we still want the baby’s sex to be a surprise. But my due date is confirmed—five months and one week to go.”

      Raine mentally calculated. It was the seventh of June. “November fifteenth?”

      “Yes, give or take a week. Brock is painting the baby’s room like a madman—he’s worried we won’t have everything ready in time,” Elana said with a laugh. “I keep telling him there’s no rush.”

      “Knowing Brock, he’ll have it ready in plenty of time.” Raine tried to hide the wistful tone of her voice. Watching Elana and Brock together was wonderful and yet painful at the same time. They were so in love, they glowed.

      If only she were worthy of that kind of love. She pushed aside the flash of self-pity. “Do you have time to meet for lunch?” she asked.

      “Oh, I’m sorry Raine. I’d love to, but I agreed to volunteer at the New Beginnings clinic this afternoon. Can I take a rain-check?”

      “Sure.” Raine forced lightness into her tone. The New Beginnings clinic was a place where low-income patients could be seen at no cost to them. She’d volunteered there in the past, but not recently. “No problem. Take care and I’m sure I’ll see you at work one of these days.”

      “I know, it’s been for ever, hasn’t it?” Elana asked. Raine knew it was exactly one month and three days since they’d worked together. Since her life had irrevocably changed. “You’ve been working in the minor care area and I’ve been cutting back my hours now that I’m pregnant. The morning sickness has been awful. Brock is being a tad overly protective lately, but I’m not going to complain. I’m scheduled to work this weekend.”

      “Great. I’m working the weekend, too and I’m back on the schedule in the trauma bay. I’ll see you then.” Raine hung up the phone, feeling a bit deflated. Not that she begrudged her friend one ounce of happiness. Elana had

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