LITMIR.BIZ

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archived article headings in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution had all proclaimed the same thing—that Eli Johnson and his wife of six years were headed for divorce court. The headlines were all I could scan without paying a fee to read the full stories, but that had been enough. I wasn’t interested in seeing the entire articles and reading about Eli’s love affair with another woman, even if it had gone sour.

      “Oh.” I wasn’t sure, but my sister sounded disappointed. “Even if he didn’t lie about being married, I knew he was a player as soon as I met him. That’s probably why he and his wife got divorced. Former professional athlete. Did you need a bigger clue than that?”

      I rolled my eyes.

      “Do you know how many women guys like that sleep with?”

      “Nikki—”

      “You remember that one basketball player—the one who bragged about sleeping with more than ten thousand women? Vanessa, you’d better get an AIDS test. Like, yesterday.”

      “Nikki!”

      “I say we go together tomorrow. If you’ve got AIDS, you need to know.”

      “Nikki!”

      She finally stopped. “What?”

      I exhaled sharply. “Why can’t you just call and tell me you’re sorry that Eli’s dead? Sorry that I’m going through this? Why do you have to preach to me like you’re my mother? I’m a grown woman.”

      “A grown woman who keeps making colossal mistakes with men. You worry about penis size and pretty-boy looks. That has gotten you nothing but heartache.”

      “Ahh, now I get it. Morris has got a small penis. No wonder you’re so damn uptight!”

      I couldn’t help the words that came from my mouth. My sister’s phone call was doing more to send me into a deep depression than to help me out of my funk.

      “Fine. Lash out at me. I’m not the one who screwed around on you.”

      “Do you take special pleasure in telling people ‘I told you so’? Because my fiancé just died. My fiancé. I don’t need a lecture from you. I need…” My voice broke, croaking with emotion. I did my best not to cry; she’d probably get some warped sense of satisfaction from it.

      I heard her sigh. “You’re right. And I’m sorry. I…I was out of line.”

      “Thank you.”

      “It’s just that I love you so much. And when I see you heading for disaster—”

      “Nikki,” I said firmly.

      “Right. Okay, no more lectures. And I am sorry this happened to you. I might have had my doubts about him, but I really was hoping that Eli was the one.”

      “So was I.”

      “What have you told Rayna?”

      “Nothing. I don’t know what to tell her.”

      “The good thing is she’s young. She’ll bounce back from this in no time.”

      “You think so?” I asked. “Because I’m so worried that she’s going to be scarred. One minute, she’s got a daddy. The next, he’s gone, and she won’t understand why.”

      “She’ll be fine,” Nikki said. “Not that she won’t be upset at all, or confused, but this won’t have a lasting effect on her. She’ll grow up and not even remember Eli.”

      Such a blunt statement, and yet a valid one. “I guess that’s a good thing,” I said. “Even if it doesn’t exactly sound like it.”

      “I’m not trying to be crass. Just letting you know that she won’t be scarred emotionally because of this. And hopefully you’ll meet someone great who’ll become a fabulous daddy for her.”

      “I can’t even think beyond the moment, much less consider the idea that I might meet someone else.”

      “I know. I’m just saying—”

      “I know what you’re saying. You’re actually trying to make me feel better.” Score one for Nikki.

      A moment of silence passed. Then Nikki asked, “You had no clue he was stepping out on you?”

      “You think I’d stay with him if I knew he was?” Nikki didn’t answer. “Honestly, that was the most shocking news I learned today, more so than finding out he was dead. Eli was always so romantic, so thoughtful, so great with Rayna…It’s so hard to believe that any of this has really happened.”

      “It’s quite the salacious story. And that woman—she was quite the looker.”

      Not what I needed to hear.

      “The worst part,” I said, “is that we had a fight last night. It was a stupid fight, but he walked out on me. Maybe he met this woman at a bar and this was the first time he cheated. You know, because he was angry, and stupid. Obviously stupid. But I keep thinking, if I hadn’t gotten mad at him, maybe none of this would have happened, and he’d be here right now.”

      Nikki was silent, and I could imagine her biting on her bottom lip to keep from speaking. No matter who I dated, she believed the guy was a no-good loser.

      “It’s possible,” I told her. “Neither of us knows for sure.”

      “Yeah, I guess,” she grudgingly agreed. “But however it happened, it doesn’t make this any easier. You’re living in a lavish penthouse. How are you gonna keep up the payments?”

      “I was worried about that, too, but my boss pointed out that we must have had mortgage insurance when we bought the place. And if not that, then Eli must have had a will. I know you think I’m irresponsible when it comes to those kinds of things, and maybe I am, but wills and insurance aren’t things I pay attention to. Anyway,” I quickly said, “there’ll be a record of them somewhere. I’ll call the bank tomorrow and see if I can find some papers here regarding his lawyer.”

      “That’s one less headache.”

      “Yeah, thank God for insurance.”

      “If you need to,” Nikki continued, “you can come over here for a while. Even if it’s just for a change of scenery.”

      “Thank you,” I said, meaning it. The offer surprised me—and touched me. However, in my wildest dreams, I couldn’t imagine myself taking my sister up on that offer. I loved her, but I could handle her only in small doses. She had endless advice about my love life that I didn’t ask for and never appreciated. Not to mention her thoughts on how I could improve myself as a mother.

      In my sister’s defense, she had become a surrogate mother to me after our parents had died in a boating accident when I was twelve. Seven years my senior, Nikki had naturally fallen into the role of caregiver, even though we’d moved from Detroit to Miami to live with our aunt Lola.

      “Or even bring Rayna over for the weekend,” my sister continued. “You know I love having her.”

      “That might be an idea,” I told her, but again had no intention of following through on that. Now more than ever, I wanted Rayna close to me. She was the one person who had the capacity to get me through the coming rough days.

      “Oh, hello,” I heard Nikki say, and it took me a moment to figure out she wasn’t talking to me. “I didn’t realize you were going to be coming home this late.”

      “Nikki?”

      “Sorry. Morris just got home.”

      “I’ll let you go then,” I told her, more than happy to get her off the line.

      “Yeah, I’d better warm his dinner for him. He puts in such long hours, it’s the least I can do.”

      There was a smugness in Nikki’s voice as she spoke—or was I just imagining it? Maybe I was,

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