LITMIR.BIZ

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Good to be here. Sam?’

      ‘Yes?’ said Sam warily.

      ‘Um … I hope I’m not going to put my foot in it …’

      ‘You couldn’t, Mum.’

      ‘No, but seriously, I must ask you … I know you, you can’t hide things from me. Something’s worrying you, and that worries me. Is there anything … is there something … on your mind?’

      ‘Well … I mean … Mum, I’m twenty-three, you’ve had a terrible experience, I don’t want to burden you with my worries.’

      ‘I want you to burden me, Sam. It’s what I’m for.’

      ‘OK. OK. They say every problem is about sex or money.’

      He paused.

      ‘Go on.’

      ‘You don’t need to be Einstein to know that my problem’s money. I’m sorry you’ve noticed, I’ve really tried not to show it, but … I’m scared shitless, Mum.’

      ‘Right, so … why are you … scared shitless?’

      ‘I’m a fairly junior accountant, Beth’s a dentist’s receptionist and she isn’t the pushy type, so neither of us is very well paid, our degrees haven’t been much of a passport to anything, and at this moment of time we owe between us a small matter of sixty-eight thousand pounds.’

      ‘Oh my God. That’s awful. You poor boy. Poor Beth.’ She turned angry. ‘It’s a scandal that young people have this enormous pressure. Doesn’t this nation value education?’

      ‘Not enough, obviously. Beth knows two girls with violent anorexia because of their worries, and a bloke I knew at Keele topped … Oh God, I’m sorry, Mum. Mum, I’m so sorry.’

      ‘Don’t worry. I haven’t forgotten, and I’m sorry too. Poor bloke.’

      ‘No, but that phrase, it’s …’

      ‘It’s what people say. Words don’t hurt compared to … what’s happened.’

      ‘No. Sorry.’

      ‘What did Beth take her degree in?’

      Sam blushed slightly. He looked better when he had a bit of colour.

      ‘Conservation.’

      ‘I see.’

      ‘Mum, this is going to sound awful, but … now that we’ve started … I don’t know how to put it … I’m embarrassed.’

      ‘Don’t be.’

      ‘Well … I mean, don’t think Beth and I have ever been wildly extravagant.’

      Sally couldn’t avoid taking a little look around the room. The walls were bare except for two posters.

      ‘I’ve never thought that.’

      ‘Good. But … I hope in a way this is a compliment, but … we’ve regarded you as a kind of a safety net.’

      ‘Always be here to help, you mean?’

      ‘Well, yes. In a way. I mean, you seemed to have plenty of money. Dad a lawyer.’

      ‘Sadly, not all lawyers are rich.’

      ‘Not rich, but Dad’s always been scrupulously fair about things, and you’ve always been very generous, you’ve been absolutely marvellous, and …’

      ‘Could you repeat that?’

      ‘What?’

      ‘That I’ve been absolutely marvellous.’

      ‘Well, of course you have. Didn’t you know that?’

      ‘Not really, no. So I’d like … it would just be nice to hear it again.’

      ‘Right. Right. Mum, you’ve always … Sorry. I can’t do it. Not … on request. I mean, of course I mean it, but it just slipped out, I can’t just … sorry.’

      ‘It doesn’t matter.’

      But it did.

      ‘Beth is scared shitless too.’

      ‘Well, at least I’ll be able to use the lavatory whenever I want to.’

      ‘What?’

      ‘You won’t need it. You’re both scared shitless.’

      ‘Mum!’

      ‘Just trying to lighten things, Sam. Just trying to show I’m not a stuffy old has-been, failed utterly but so what? Is there a drop more?’

      ‘Just a bit. You have it.’

      ‘No, no.’

      ‘I insist.’

      ‘OK.’

      Sam drained the bottle into Sally’s glass. There were no dregs. The days of affording wines with dregs were over.

      ‘You’re trying to find out, very tactfully, how much I’m still going to be good for.’

      ‘Mum!’

      ‘No. You are. And I don’t blame you. And nothing about your dad upsets me more than this. He’s left me unable to help you. To any extent. Meaningfully.’

      ‘I see. Well, I think I sort of knew.’

      ‘It humiliates me.’

      ‘No, Mum. It shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have to. Anyway, enough of that. We’ll get by.’

      There was silence for a couple of minutes. A bus roared by, then all was silence again. They stared into the non-existent fire.

      ‘What exactly is your position, Mum?’

      ‘Your father left me debts of roughly three hundred and fifty thousand, as far as we can ascertain, though it may change.’

      ‘God!’

      ‘The house is in joint ownership and is on the market for four hundred and fifty thousand, but we won’t get it.’

      ‘No? It’s a nice house.’

      ‘It’s a nice house in Potherthwaite. I reckon that, by the time all fees are paid, I will be lucky to have fifty thousand.’

      ‘What’ll you do?’

      ‘Don’t know. Get by. I think … I actually think … something I didn’t realize … deep down your mother’s a pretty tough old bird.’

      ‘I’ll say.’

      Sally reflected that the nearest Sam could get to a compliment was ‘I’ll say’, and to say was exactly what he couldn’t do.

      She finished her drink and stood up.

      ‘I’m glad I got that off my chest,’ he said.

      ‘Good. Sleep well.’

      ‘I will. You too.’

      ‘I will.’

      Neither of them would. Sally didn’t know what would keep Sam awake. He might have got that subject off his chest, but she could see that he was far from fully relieved.

      There was something else, something that was worrying him even more than money.

      Worrying about what it was would keep her awake.

       ELEVEN

       Sam’s worry

      She

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