LITMIR.BIZ

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yeah. That’s a promise.’

      Ryan couldn’t sleep. He had a million and one things going round in his head and none of them were what he should be focusing his attention on. His mind should be on tomorrow’s game, and it was, to a point. His mind was certainly on football that was for sure. Amongst other things.

      Hauling himself up off the bed, he walked over to the window, leaning forward, his hands placed on the windowsill as he stared out ahead of him. It was dark outside, the summer sun now long gone, but he could still hear the sound of people out and about, the sound of a normal Friday night, and what he wouldn’t give to be sitting in a bar somewhere, downing vodka shots and forgetting everything he didn’t want to think about right now. But he’d made himself think about it. He’d made sure the idea had stayed there in his head, because he needed to think it over. He had to be sure he wasn’t just making some snap decision that he might regret somewhere along the line.

      He lowered his head, closing his eyes as memories of the past few months washed over him in a wave of unwelcome reminders. He couldn’t go down that road again, he had to be strong. But that was easier said than done when all he really wanted to do was escape.

      Opening his eyes, he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled down his contact list, stopping at a number near the bottom. If he called that number he could very well be putting into motion wheels that he may not be able to stop from turning, and he had no idea what the consequences of that could be. He was taking a huge risk, so he had to be sure.

      He hesitated for a second. Maybe he should wait until he’d spoken to Max. He was his agent, after all. Wouldn’t he be able to guide him in the right direction? Or would he just tell him he was being rash. Stupid. Would he tell him he was just running away again, like he had done in the past? Like he was capable of doing again.

      Looking back up and out of the window, Ryan’s finger hovered over the touchscreen. One press, that’s all it would take to give him the space he really needed. One press…

      ‘You’re setting a dangerous precedent, aren’t you?’ Amber said, stretching out in their wonderfully luxurious bed in their small but comfortable north London home.

      ‘What’s that, honey?’ Jim shouted out from the en-suite.

      ‘You’re setting a dangerous precedent, not staying at the hotel with the rest of the squad the night before the match.’ Amber turned over onto her stomach, grabbing her phone from the bedside table and checking for any messages. There was just one, from Ronnie, asking if she was okay. ‘I mean, it’s your rule, and you’ve just broken it.’ She quickly tapped out a reply to Ronnie, pressed send, then threw her phone onto the table, turning back over. ‘Big time.’

      Jim closed the en-suite door behind him, smiling as he watched her lying there, naked and beautiful. She looked even more beautiful post-sex. Almost like making love gave her some kind of ethereal glow. ‘My rules to break, Amber. Anyway, Colin’s way more forceful than I am at making sure that lot stay put.’

      ‘Oh yeah? Have I turned you into some kind of soft touch?’ Amber smirked as Jim slid back into bed beside her.

      ‘Me? A soft touch? I doubt that very much.’ He placed a hand on her hip, turning her onto her side so she faced him. ‘I can be a real monster when I want to be.’ He lunged forward, playfully biting her neck, causing her to giggle out loud, suddenly forgetting all the tension and the worry she’d been feeling previously. Oh God, she loved this man so much. So, so much. ‘Hey, listen.’ Jim smiled, pulling her against him, running his hand lightly over the curve of her waist, resting it on her hip. ‘I’ve been thinking. Why don’t we move?’

      ‘Move?’ she asked, frowning slightly. ‘Move where? Away from Tynemouth? I thought you loved that house?’

      ‘I do. I do, it’s a great house. But, if we’re gonna start a family…’

      Amber felt her stomach lurch as he spoke, and everything she’d been trying so hard to forget, even if it was just for a few hours, suddenly invaded her head all over again.

      ‘… I think we need a bigger place, don’t you?’

      ‘I… Jim, I…’

      ‘I don’t want to leave Tynemouth, Amber. I really like it there, I love being by the sea. And if we do have kids then what better place to bring them up, huh? By the sea, with the beach on our doorstep? I just think that, well, it would be nice to buy a place together. A place that’s ours, something we chose as a couple. What do you say?’

      She wanted to say a lot of things. She wanted to tell him how she wished everything was going to be as simple as he was now making it sound, when it was going to be anything but that. And part of her wished she hadn’t brought the subject of babies up at all, not until she knew what she was dealing with. But she’d let herself get carried away with thoughts of her dream life with Jim, making her forget, for a brief amount of time, that none of it was going to be plain sailing.

      She smiled, hoping it was a smile that had reached her eyes, because the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was hiding something. Even if she was.

      ‘We don’t need to rush into anything, do we?’

      He frowned slightly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. ‘You don’t like the idea?’

      ‘I didn’t say that, Jim, I just… Do we have to make a decision right now?’ She knew just how to take his mind off moving house, how to steer the conversation away from anything that allowed her to think about something that only made her feel on edge. ‘I mean, while we’re here, together, shouldn’t we be making the most of our time doing things, rather than talking? Before we’re separated again?’

      He returned her smile, and Amber felt her heart literally melt. He’d turned her into some kind of simpering, lovesick idiot at times, but he was all she’d ever wanted. Despite their shaky start, all those years of missing him, hating him, trying to keep him at bay, all she’d ever really wanted was to have him – totally. To be with him forever. Despite everything.

      ‘What you got in mind then, beautiful? You wanna show me some of your diversion tactics?’

      She reached down and took him in her hand, closing her eyes as she kissed him, slowly.

      ‘Oh, baby, I can see you know exactly what you’re doing,’ Jim groaned, burying his fingers in her tousled hair as she stroked him harder, faster.

      She felt him grow in her hand, excitement rising inside her as the tension built, their bodies warm and waiting.

      ‘Turn around,’ he whispered, his lips resting on hers as he spoke.

      She looked at him, half of her not wanting to turn around because she liked to see him when they made love, liked to know he was really there, really hers. But the other half of her wanted to experience sex this way again; that wonderfully sensual experience of leaving it all up to him. So she slowly turned around, closing her eyes as he gently pulled her back against him, his hand running over her thigh, her waist, moving slowly around to touch her, to make sure she was ready for him – which she was, she was more than ready. And as his fingers plunged into that warm, wet place between her legs she cried out loud, gripping the pillow tight as he opened her up, preparing her for what was about to happen. Oh Jesus, what he could do to her with just one touch.

      She gasped as his fingers entered her briefly, biting down on her lip as they moved around inside her, his groans sending her stomach into a barrage of continuous somersaults as he pushed deeper, causing her to cry out again.

      As his lips kissed that space just below her ear, he gently pulled his fingers out of her, her body relaxing slightly as his hand ran back up and over her stomach, carefully cupping one of her breasts as he slowly pushed into her from behind. Amber groaned loudly, pushing herself back against him, wanting him to go deep, to push harder. She could feel him fully inside her now, his lips brushing the back of her neck, her shoulder, shivers rocketing up and down her spine like some constant, crazy

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