LITMIR.BIZ

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menu was simple. Mashed potatoes and green beans. Steven, their middle child, had requested her jalapeño-corn biscuits. She’d made pies yesterday. Custard and chocolate. She liked to do as much in advance as possible so that when her kids arrived, she didn’t have to spend all her time in the kitchen.

      She wandered into the dining room and walked to the built-in hutch along the far wall. She opened the cabinet doors and studied the stacked dishes. There were three sets of them, all inherited from grandmothers. One was only used for special occasions. She looked at the other two and picked up a side plate with blue-and-green swirls. She put it on the table, along with a tablecloth and a stack of napkins. John would set the table later, using what she’d set out.

      There would be six of them today. Jen and her husband, Kirk, Steven and Brandon. Steven used to be allowed to bring a date but he went through women like most people went through chewing gum. Pam had grown tired of liking girl after girl only to have them disappear. It was discouraging. Now Steven was under a very strict rule. No girlfriends allowed at family functions until they’d been together for at least six months. Which meant they hadn’t met anyone he’d dated in the past three years.

      She told herself he would grow out of it. He was only twenty-six. Which seemed young. How funny. John had only been twenty-two when they’d gotten married. But times were different now. People were different.

      The doorbell rang and Lulu took off toward it, barking excitedly.

      Pam followed her. “You know, I can hear it, too.”

      Lulu was unimpressed by the information and continued to bark until Pam scooped her up and opened the door.

      Hayley Batchelor held out a plate of cookies. “Hi. I haven’t seen you in forever. Is this a good time?”

      “Sure.”

      Pam stepped back to let in her neighbor and John’s secretary. Hayley set down the plate of cookies and held out her arms. Lulu made an easy jump from one cuddler to the other.

      “How’s my favorite girl?” Hayley asked.

      Lulu snuggled close and gave a quick chin kiss.

      “So sweet,” Hayley murmured. “Why did your mom get you fixed? There could have been more Lulus in the world.”

      “Given her health issues, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Pam told her. “Come on. I have herbal tea in the kitchen.”

      “John told you,” Hayley said.

      “He did. Congratulations. You must be excited.”

      “I am. It’s going to be different this time. It has to be.”

      Pam admired her determination and belief. Hayley had suffered a series of miscarriages in her quest to get pregnant. She’d been probed and tested and there didn’t seem to be any specific reason for the problem. She wasn’t allergic to her husband’s sperm—or so she’d shared with Pam a year ago. Pam hadn’t known such a thing could happen. Allergic to sperm? What were their bodies thinking?

      The plumbing all worked and was in the right place, the hormone levels were good, she wasn’t lacking in any vitamins or minerals. But Hayley was unable to carry a baby past twelve weeks.

      With the last pregnancy, she’d gone straight to bed rest the second she’d found out she was pregnant and that hadn’t helped, either.

      Now Hayley sat in one of the stools at the bar-level counter while Pam put water on to boil. She pulled out her tea tray and chose her friend’s favorite—a white tea with pear.

      “How far along are you?” she asked.

      “Seven weeks. Only five more to go.”

      “You feeling okay?”

      “I feel great.”

      Pam nodded. So that wasn’t different. Hayley always felt perfectly healthy right up until she started bleeding.

      “I wish I could help,” Pam told her. “Give you something.”

      “You offering to be my surrogate?” Hayley asked, her voice teasing.

      “God, no.”

      Hayley laughed. “I figured.” Her humor faded a little. “I appreciate what you’re saying, though. I’d like some of whatever magic it is that so many other women get to take for granted.”

      Pam nodded. She’d been pregnant three times and had three healthy children to show for it. She’d suffered bad morning sickness with Brandon, but otherwise, the pregnancies had been uneventful. She’d never considered how many other women had to deal with so much more.

      “How’s Rob doing?” she asked.

      Rob, Hayley’s husband, worked two jobs to help pay for the various fertility treatments Hayley wanted them to try. He was a good guy and Pam knew he worried about his wife.

      “Good,” Hayley said brightly. “Excited I’m pregnant again.”

      Pam nodded without speaking. She would bet Rob was a whole lot more worried than excited. She knew he wanted Hayley to stop trying. To give her body a rest. Not that Hayley listened.

      Pam poured boiling water into two mugs and passed one to Hayley, along with the tea bag and spoon. She dropped a bag of Earl Grey into her mug just as John strolled into the kitchen.

      “Hey,” he said as he walked around to Hayley and gave her a quick hug. “How’s my favorite secretary?”

      “Good.”

      “I see you brought cookies. I’ve always liked you. Remind me to give you a raise on Monday.”

      Hayley grinned. “I will.”

      John winked at Pam, took a couple of cookies from the plate and headed for the garage. Lulu, sensing the possibility of a snack, followed her dad.

      “John is about the nicest man I know,” Hayley said when the door had closed. “Everybody at work loves him.”

      “I was lucky to find him,” Pam said, knowing that nice was more important than exciting and after thirty years anyone—even George Clooney—could seem less thrilling. It was simply how life worked.

      Hayley mentioned something about the hotel project the company was working on. Pam mostly listened. The light had shifted and she noticed a subtle glow to her friend’s skin.

      Hayley was what? Thirty? Thirty-one. She had a firm jaw and no wrinkles at all. Her hands and arms were so smooth. Pam drew in a breath as she realized that except for John, she was nearly always the oldest person in the room. And while she should probably be happy that so many young people wanted to hang out with her, she would rather it was because she was young, too.

      She mentally gave herself a firm shake. She had to stop thinking about herself all the time. She was becoming obsessed and tedious.

      She tuned back in to Hayley’s conversation and laughed over a comment about a client.

      “I should head home,” Hayley said, coming to her feet. “Thanks for the tea and the company.”

      “When does Rob come back?” One of Rob’s two jobs involved business travel.

      “In a few days.”

      “If you need anything or get scared, just grab your pillow and come over,” Pam told her. “You’re always welcome. We have that guest room sitting empty.”

      Hayley nodded, then hugged her. “Thanks. It helps to know you’re right across the street.”

      “And down two houses. You go across the street, you’ll find yourself at the Logans’ and they have those really mean cats.”

      Hayley laughed. “Good point.”

      Pam walked her out. When she turned to go back to the kitchen, she saw John and Lulu walking toward her.

      “Everything

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