The Flower Power Collection - Jean Ure

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      “Chest hair!”

      “Ooh, look, there’s a naughty one!”

      They giggled and shrieked all the way up the escalator. By the time we reached the museum they were totally hyper. Mrs Frost spoke to them, quite sternly. She said that unless they pulled themselves together and stopped acting like five year olds she would send them straight back to school with Miss Adams.

      So then they went a bit quiet and crept round on exaggerated tiptoe, silently pointing at things and pulling faces. Every now and again Mrs Frost would check them out. She’d shoot them one of her dagger glances and they would stare soulfully back with these hurt expressions on their faces. Lily can look just so angelic when she wants to.

      I walked round with Pandora. I would rather not have walked with her as I was trying to make mental notes of everything I saw so that I could report back to Katie next time I wrote. It is very difficult to make mental notes when someone is constantly wittering at you, but Pandora is a person that just kind of sticks. Unless you are rude there is no getting rid of her. I didn’t want to be rude as she is very easily hurt, she crumples at the least little thing, so I did my best to shut out her wittering and hoped that I would remember a few interesting things to tell Katie. She was going to tell me about her party, so I had to have something to tell her in return!

      It was the mummies we all wanted to see. They were quite spooky! I’d seen mummies before, of course, on television and in books. But never in the f-f-f-flesh!

      Not that mummies have flesh, really. Not that you can see. They are all done up in bandages. You can only imagine what lurks beneath ….

      Fortunately they are all kept in glass cases, otherwise I would probably have had visions of them getting out and walking round the museum at dead of night, like in a film I once saw. I was only quite little and I had to keep hiding my head in a cushion. Mum said afterwards that I shouldn’t have watched it. I do have this rather over-active imagination.

      Lily doesn’t have any imagination at all. To her a mummy is just a dead guy. This is what she yelled – “Dead guys!” – as she went shrieking off with Sarah across the polished floor. Pandora clutched at my sleeve and said, “Are they really dead?”

      “Well, they’re not alive,” I said.

      “But are they real people?”

      I told her that they had been, once; a long time ago.

      “So if you took the bandages off… what would they be like?”

      “Just sort of… skin,” I said. “All dried and withered. ‘Cos there’s nothing inside them. It’s all been taken out. All their organs,” I said. “Their intestines, and their livers, and their lungs… they used to take them out and put them in special jars.”

      Pandora’s lip quivered. “While they were still alive?”

      I said, “No! When they were dead.”

      We’d already done all this at school, but Pandora’s a bit slow at taking things in. She always has to be told several times over. It is no use being impatient with her. Something happened when she was born and made her not quite right. Maybe for all I know something happened when I was born and made me not quite right. Maybe that is why I am a shrinking violet and it is not my fault any more than it is Pandora’s fault that she keeps asking stupid questions all the time.

      While we were talking, Lily and Sarah had been racing excitedly from mummy to mummy. All of a sudden, Sarah shrieked, “Hey, look at this one! Who does he remind you of?” Naturally we all went running over to look.

      “It’s Mr Spooner” cried Lily. “What is he doing here?”

      We all collapsed! We just couldn’t help it. Poor Mr Spooner! He is one of our teachers at school.

      “Mr Spooner,” said Pandora, gazing at the mummy.

      Just then, Mrs Frost came over to see what we were giggling at. She must have heard what Pandora said! I could see her lips start to twitch, as if she would have liked to giggle, too. I mean, that mummy really did look like Mr Spooner! But of course, being a teacher, she couldn’t let herself.

      We all stopped giggling except for Pandora, who had only just started. The rest of us made like we were sucking on lemons. Disgraceful! Quite disgraceful!

      Mrs Frost shook her head. “Without any doubt,” she says, “you are far and away the worst bunch I have ever had to deal with!”

      After that we all went for snacks in the cafeteria then back to the station to catch the train home. And I’ve gone and forgotten every single mental note that I made! All I can think of to tell Katie is Mrs Frost saying we’re the worst bunch she’s ever had to deal with …

       Good morning! This is me. Katie!

       How are you? I think your scribble picture was really good! Some people that in the past I have tried to play it with, they have just had no imagination at all. It is no fun when people have no imagination.

       The maze that I sent you was one I did in a hurry as I wanted you to have it. I have done another one that is more difficult. I like drawing mazes. It is something I have only just started doing. I didn’t mind you saying the first one was too easy, though a maze doesn’t always have to be difficult. There are some that are just pretty. My one wasn’t but that was because I didn’t have time.

       I loved hearing about your visit to Riverside. I am just S0000 envious! If I was smiled at by Tony I think I would swoooooooon. I would never recover! I knew about the little houses not being real because I read about it somewhere but I would still very much like to go and see them. If I didn’t swooooon!

       I told Mum about you not liking to be called Lil or Vi. She says she is glad. But we don’t know why you don’t like your names! Mum says they are charming and unusual. I think Violet is nice as I just happen to love violets. They are so sweet and dainty! I don’t like Lily so much. (But don’t tell her I said so!!!) I think lilies are a bit too pale and droopy. They smell nice, of course. But so do violets! Plus you can have violet chocolates. I never heard of lily chocolates!

       Here is you and your sister:

       It didn’t embarrass me, you saying how you both came out of the same egg. We have already done this at school, so it is something I know about. How silly of that girl Pandora to go red! As you say, it is only biology. She must be really weird. There is a girl in my class that is weird. She is called Shayna and she eats flowers! Our teacher once told us that you could eat nasturshums (?) and so now she eats every flower she comes across. Nothing is safe from her! Last week there was a bowl of hyercinths (?) in the hall and she picked off the top and devoured it! Mrs Glover (our teacher) says that she will make herself ill, but still she goes on doing it. Mum thinks that maybe she is feeling neglected and it is her way of drawing attention to herself. I think she is just loopy.

       I have drawn a picture for your dad of you being a toad. I will cut it out and stick it on NOW.

       I agree it is sad when you cannot do things that you would like to do. It is very frustrating. Especially when there are people that can do them that don’t particularly want to. Then you think to yourself that they do not know how lucky they are and that life is so unfair. Only I try not to think that too often as it is what Mum calls COUNTER PRODUCTIVE. Meaning: it doesn’t get you anywhere! It just makes you bitter and unsatisfied.

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