LITMIR.BIZ

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Charles and Di?’ said Dorrie. ‘I know. Isn’t it awful?’

      ‘Oh come on,’ I laughed. ‘Dorrie, how can you take it so seriously? Two people we don’t know and are never likely to meet are getting divorced. People do it all the time.’

      ‘I know,’ said Dorrie, ‘but it was such a fairytale. And now it’s gone wrong.’

      ‘It is really sad,’ said Beth.

      ‘Fairytales, schmairytales,’ I snorted. ‘There’s no such thing as a happy ending.’

      ‘Blimey, that’s cynical,’ said Sarah. ‘Even for you.’

      ‘Yeah, well,’ I said, ‘I haven’t had the luck some of you’ve had.’

      I was overtaken with a sudden feeling of bitterness, and I got up to go to the loo, just to get away for five minutes. In the safety of the toilets, I stared long and hard at myself in the mirror, before leaning back against the cold tiles. I thought about Sarah and Steve and the things I’d promised never to think about again. Why did I always make such a mess of things? And now I was ruining my best friend’s special night.

      ‘Pull yourself together, girl,’ I admonished myself in the mirror, reapplying my bright red lipstick as a means of boosting my confidence. Face fixed, I went back to meet the world head on.

      When I got back, a slightly geekish-looking bloke was sitting in my place. He was tall and gangly and wore dark specs, and was mooning over Dorrie, who seemed to be mooning back.

      ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?’ I said, squeezing back into the tiny space the guy had left.

      ‘Oh yes, sorry. Caz, meet Darren. He’s a microbiologist and works in the next lab to mine.’

      Dorrie might look like a film star, but she’s actually super bright and has a fantastically clever job in some kind of medical research that I wouldn’t pretend to understand.

      ‘Pleased to meet you,’ said Darren.

      I went to shake his hand, and he pulled it away.

      ‘Sorry, too many germs,’ he said. ‘Do you know the average person never washes their hands after using the toilet?’

      ‘Well I do,’ I snapped. ‘Why don’t you carry antibacterial spray around with you and have done with it?’

      ‘I do,’ said Darren. ‘You never know what anyone else has been touching.’

      I burst out laughing. ‘Dorrie, your friend is priceless. I shall call him Yakult Man.’

      Darren blushed.

      ‘Don’t mind Caz,’ said Dorrie, ‘she’s not like other folk.’ She touched his arm lightly, and he didn’t pull away.

      They sat staring at each other for a bit till Sarah, Beth and I felt quite awkward.

      Eventually, Darren got up.

      ‘Best be off,’ he mumbled. ‘Places to go and all that. Have a great Christmas. Nice meeting you all.’

      He walked away, back to his mates who were at the bar, looking the worse for wear.

      ‘Is he for real?’ I marvelled. ‘You’ve kept him quiet.’

      ‘There’s nothing to keep quiet about,’ protested Doris. ‘He’s a work colleague is all.’

      ‘Oh, is he?’ I nudged Doris. Yakult Man hadn’t made it to the bar. He had turned round and was striding purposefully back.

      ‘You see, the thing is…well…’ he said.

      ‘Well?’ said Dorrie.

      ‘Well, I was wondering, if you’re not too busy…I’m sure a gorgeous girl like you has got plenty of dates, but if you hadn’t…’

      ‘I haven’t,’ said Doris with a grin.

      ‘Well. If you haven’t…Did you say you hadn’t?’

      ‘Sure did.’

      ‘Oh. That’s OK then. It’s all settled. Great.’

      He smiled a dopey smile and walked away again.

      ‘Er, what’s settled?’ she called after him. He stopped and turned around, grinning at her.

      ‘You, me. A date. Next week. I’ll ring you.’ He continued walking away, backwards this time, until he bumped into a couple of drunks who spilled beer all over him. Our last sight was of him rushing to the toilet, no doubt to get rid of all the millions of germs that had just been dumped unceremoniously on top of him.

      ‘Dorrie Bradley, how do you do it?’ said Sarah, clapping her hands over her mouth and giggling her head off. ‘That’s the nuttiest proposition I’ve ever heard.’

      ‘Me too,’ I said.

      ‘I wish someone would do that to me,’ sighed Beth.

      ‘Your turn will come,’ said Sarah. ‘Look at me.’

      Yes, look at you, I thought silently, but kept my mouth shut for once. This was Sarah’s night.

      ‘To Sarah and Steve,’ said Dorrie, raising a glass. ‘Long life and happiness.’

      ‘Sarah and Steve,’ we all echoed.

      ‘And here’s to the Bridesmaid Pact,’ continued Dorrie. ‘I can’t wait to fulfil it.’

      ‘One four all and all four one,’ we chorused the mantra of our childhood, before downing our drinks in one. I put my glass down and sat back and looked at Sarah. For someone who was celebrating the happiest event of her life, she looked remarkably pensive. I hoped I hadn’t done that to her.

      ‘I hope you and Steve are really happy,’ I said with a smile I didn’t feel.

      ‘Do you? Really?’ Sarah said, searchingly.

      ‘Yes, I do,’ I said. ‘Sorry I’ve been a bit of a cow about it. Just jealous that your happy-ever-after’s come along I guess. I hope you’ll be very, very happy.’

      I took a sip of my champagne, and looked away. At the time, I really thought I meant it.

       Chapter One

       Caz

       Now

      I turned the invitation over and over in my hands, despite the feeling of nausea rising up from the pit of my stomach and the sheer panic that seeing that handwriting for the first time in what – over four years? – had engendered in me. You had to hand it to Dorrie, she certainly knew how to break the ice. Only she could have sent me an invitation to her hen weekend on Mickey Mouse notepaper.

      Dorrie and Daz are finally tying the knot, it read and I snorted with laughter. Trust Doris to make her forthcoming nuptials sound like some kids’ TV programme. I was glad she was finally getting hitched to Yakult Man. About time too. They were made for each other. I had been surprised when Mum had sneered disapprovingly that my Goody Two-Shoes friend had had a baby out of wedlock, because it seemed so unlikely. Dorrie was always capable of surprises though, so maybe she’d relaxed about doing things the right way round since we last spoke. I had no clue as to what was going on in her private life, apart from the news I gleaned from Mum. I was no longer part of the inner circle. No one confided in me any more. My fault of course.

      I looked at the invitation again. You are invited, it said, to Dorrie’s extra special hen weekend at Euro Disney. Fri 27Sun 29 March. Fab Four members only. One four all and all four one. Trust Doris to remember that stupid tag line we’d had as kids. At the bottom, Doris had scrawled in her unforgettably untidy handwriting (amazing how

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