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       Chapter 6

      Alex,

      It was good to see you again. Please don’t be a stranger – I’m really going to need all the friends I can get right now. Thank you for being so supportive last week. I honestly think I would go mad without you sometimes.

      Life is funny, isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about it and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction.

      There aren’t many sure things in life, but one thing I do know is that you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. You have to follow through on some things.

      I always give up, Alex. What have I ever had to do in my life that really needed to be done? I always had a choice, and I always took the easy way out – we always took the easy way out. A few months ago, the burden of double maths on a Monday morning and finding a spot the size of Pluto on my nose was as complicated as it ever got for me.

      This time round I’m having a baby. A baby. And that baby will be around on the Monday, the Tuesday, the Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I will have no weekends off. No three-month holidays. I can’t take a day off, call in sick or get Mum to write a note. I am going to be the mum now. I wish I could write myself a note.

      I’m scared, Alex.

      Rosie

      From Alex

      To Rosie

      Subject Baby talk

      No, it’s not double maths on a Monday morning. It will be far more exciting than that. Double maths on a Monday morning is boring: it makes you sleep and gives you headache. You will learn masses more from this experience than a maths class can ever teach you.

      I am here for you for whenever you need me. College can wait for you, Rosie, because you have far more important work to do now.

      I no you will be just fine.

      From Rosie

      To Alex

      Subject Re: Baby talk

      You KNOW I will be fine. Watch the spelling, Mr. Stewart!

      From Alex

      To Rosie

      Subject Re: Re: Baby talk

      Rosie, you’re already acting like a mother – you’re going to be fine! Take care. Alex

      You have received an instant message from: ALEX.

      Alex: I thought you said you’d keep an eye on her for me, Phil.

      Phil: I told you, if she didn’t learn to control her bladder she’d be out of here. She’s fine in the garden.

      Alex: Not the dog, Phil, I’m talking about Rosie.

      Phil: What about Rosie?

      Alex: Stop pretending you don’t no. I heard Mum and Dad tell you over the phone.

      Phil: How do you feel about it?

      Alex: Everyone keeps asking me that and I have no idea. It’s weird. Rosie is pregnant. She’s only eighteen. She can barely take care of herself, let alone a baby. She smokes like a chimney and refuses to eat greens. She stays awake till 4 a.m. and sleeps till one o’clock in the day. She chose to take a job washing pots and pans at the Chinese takeaway for less money than her neighbours were offering for baby-sitting because she couldn’t stand the hassle. I don’t think she’s changed a nappy in her life. Apart from when Kevin was tiny, I don’t think she’s ever held a baby for more than five minutes. What about college? What about working? How the hell is she going to manage? How will she ever meet someone? How will she make friends? She’s just trapped herself into a life that’s her worst nightmare.

      Phil: Believe me, Alex, she’ll learn. Her parents are supporting her, aren’t they? She won’t be alone.

      Alex: Her mum and dad are great but they will be at work all day, Phil. She’s an intelligent person, I no that. But as much as she tries to convince me, I’m not quite sure she’s convinced herself that when the crying starts, she can’t hand this one back. If only I’d gotten on that flight and made it to the debs …

      Dear Stephanie,

      Let me help you find yourself. Allow my words of wisdom, from the sister who greatly loves and respects you and wishes for nothing but happiness and great fortune in your life, to rain down on you and shower you with knowledge. Please take my advice. Never get pregnant. Or enceinte, as you would say over there. Look at the word, say it out loud, familiarise yourself with it, repeat it in your head and learn to never ever want to be it.

      In fact, never have sex. Might as well try to completely eradicate the odds.

      Trust me, Steph, pregnancy is not pleasant. I’m not feeling at all at one with nature, I’m not radiating any sort of magical motherly signals, I’m just fat. And bloated. And tired. And sick. And wondering what on earth I am going to do when this little one is born and looks at me.

      Glowing, my bum. Smouldering is more like it. Alex has started his wonderful life in college, people who were at school with me are out tasting what the world has to offer and I’m just expanding by the second, wondering what I have got myself into. I know it’s my own fault but I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I’ve been going to these antenatal classes with Mum where they teach me how to breathe. All around me I’m surrounded by couples, and they’re all at least ten years older than me. Mum tried to start me chatting with them but I don’t think any of them are too interested in becoming friends with an eighteen-year-old just out of school. Honestly, it’s like being back at playgroup and Mum trying to teach me how to make friends. She told me not to worry because they were just jealous of me. I don’t think the two of us have laughed so much for months.

      I’m not allowed to smoke and the doctor says I have to start eating properly. I’m going to be a mother yet I’m still being spoken to like a child.

      Lots of love,

      Rosie

      Mr. Alex Stewart,

      You are invited to the christening of my beautiful baby daughter, Katie. It’s on the 28th of this month. Buy a suit and try and look presentable for a change, seeing as you’re the godfather.

      Lots of love,

      Rosie

      From

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