LITMIR.BIZ

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still think there’s something to talk about?’

      She felt him lean in towards her again, his breath warm on her cheek as he whispered in her ear. ‘Yes. I do.’ His hand was resting in the small of her back again, and she felt that shiver return, her stomach diving down and flipping over. ‘I shouldn’t have touched you, Amber. Before. I shouldn’t have done that. Because now I need to do it all over again. I need to hold you, to feel you – to come inside you. All over again.’

      She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them he’d be gone, that he’d never really been there because she didn’t need this. She didn’t. This wasn’t how things were supposed to have worked out. She was supposed to have stayed with Ryan, had his baby and tried to make a go of it. Tried to settle down. But she should have known, from the second Jim Allen had walked back into her life, that that was never going to happen. How could it? When he took over everything, invaded her every waking thought, whether she was aware of it or not. When he was always there. Always. And he’d been there for over twenty years now. How was she supposed to forget all of that?

      ‘Don’t do this, Jim. Please.’ She turned around, looking up into his eyes. ‘This has come out of nowhere…’

      ‘Has it?’ His eyes never left hers, his hand reaching out to gently touch her cheek. ‘You know where I am. If you need me.’

      She felt that all-too-familiar wave of confusion wash over her once more as she watched him walk away, out of the ground. Her first love. Her ex-husband. Her obsession.

      ‘What did he want?’ Ronnie asked, sidling up beside her, his gaze following Amber’s.

      ‘Nothing.’

      ‘You use that word a lot, as far as answers to questions are concerned.’

      She turned to face him. ‘Okay. Well, maybe I should expand on that answer, then. It’s got nothing to do with you.’

      ‘Nice.’

      She threw herself down into one of the chairs that graced the huge entrance atrium, leaning her head right back and letting out a quiet but heavy sigh. ‘How the hell did I end up here?’

      Ronnie sat down on the arm of the chair, clasping his hands together. ‘Because you never really were as strong as you thought you were.’

      Amber glared at him.

      ‘As far as men are concerned. As far as one man is concerned.’

      She sat up, dropping her head into her hands and burying her fingers in her hair, letting loose another frustrated groan. ‘Two years ago I was happy, Ronnie. I had a great job, independence, a life I could control… and now look at me. I’m nothing but an over-emotional wreck with a complicated, fucked-up life!’

      ‘You’ve got an incredible career, Amber. And you’ve got Rico. There’s nothing fucked-up or complicated about that.’

      She looked at him again. ‘Rico is the best thing that ever happened to me, Ronnie. He’s the only thing I’ve got right in the past few months. But I’m not talking about my career, or my baby. They’re good, I know they are. It’s everything else that’s fucked-up.’

      ‘So, like I said, do something about it.’

      ‘Like what?’

      ‘Jesus, Amber, what are we on here? Some kind of loop? I don’t know, kiddo. Just… follow your heart, okay?’

      ‘Follow my heart…’ She trailed off, looking outside. Jim was standing at the bottom of the steps that led up to the entrance, talking to a small group of fans. He was laughing, and she felt her stomach twist and turn again as he threw his head back, laughing some more.

      Ronnie’s eyes followed her gaze again. ‘Maybe following your heart isn’t such a good idea.’

      ‘I can’t leave him alone, Ronnie. I’m like a schoolgirl with this ridiculous, obsessive crush.’ She trailed off again as she realised just what it was she was saying. That was how it had all started in the first place, wasn’t it? Jim Allen, an American twenty-seven-year-old, hotshot football player who’d walked into her life when she’d been nothing but a teenager and rocked her entire world. Forever. That schoolgirl crush had never gone away. It had never really faded. And he knew that. So, was she doing the right thing by letting him think she was always going to be there? Even if she was. ‘I can’t let him go,’ she whispered.

      ‘You should try.’

      ‘You told me to follow my heart.’

      ‘I know.’ Ronnie sighed, standing up, his tone one of defeat now. ‘I know I did. I just thought you’d be more sensible than to head off in that direction, considering you know where it’s going to take you.’

      She looked at him, something akin to guilt mixed with a hint of fear swamping her. She really didn’t have a clue what she was doing here. She only knew she was going to do it, and to hell with the consequences. ‘You think I’m making a mistake, don’t you?’

      Ronnie held her gaze for a few, long seconds. ‘The biggest one of your life.’

       Chapter Five

      ‘Jesus, Brandon, what do you want?’

      ‘Good to see you, too, Dad.’

      Jim sighed, standing aside to let his son through into the hall. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day. Derby matches always seem to drain me more than any others.’

      ‘At least your side won.’

      Jim couldn’t help but smile as he followed Brandon into the living room. ‘You did your best to stop that from happening.’

      ‘Yeah. I did my best.’ He walked over to the fireplace, turning around and folding his arms as he looked at his father. ‘Who’s Carrie Jackson?’

      Jim almost dropped the glass of whiskey he was holding, then leant back against the sideboard to steady himself.

      ‘Who is she, Dad?’

      Jim poured himself another drink, turning his back on Brandon. ‘It’s none of your business.’

      ‘Is she the reason you can’t let yourself be happy? The reason you won’t let yourself be happy?’

      Jim turned back around, his expression telling Brandon he was in no mood to talk about this. ‘I’m shutting this conversation down, Brandon. Right now.’

      ‘Is she the reason you push people away?’

      ‘I won’t tell you again, son.’

      ‘Like you pushed Amber away?’

      ‘She was pregnant with another man’s baby.’

      ‘That wasn’t the fucking reason, Dad, and you know it.’ Brandon’s eyes were holding Jim’s gaze now, refusing to let go. ‘You are still crazy-in-love with her, but you just can’t let yourself be happy.’

      ‘If you know all of this…’

      ‘All I know is the name, Dad. All I know is you were once in a relationship with a girl called Carrie Jackson. That’s all I know. Because I wanted you to tell me the rest. I wanted you to tell me the reason why she affected your life so much you won’t let yourself be happy with a woman you are so obviously in love with.’

      Jim narrowed his eyes as he stared at his son. ‘Have you… have you been checking up on me?’

      ‘The internet is a wonderful tool, Dad. You’d be amazed at what you can find out after just a half hour of searching.’

      ‘I don’t believe this…’ He downed his whiskey, slamming the glass down

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