It’s Christmas!: Whatever Happened to the Christmas Single? - James King

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be made so much more down-to-earth and comprehensible. Everyone could have a good old sing-along.

      So that’s exactly what di Bernardone did.

      And by successfully dragging Christianity down from its ivory tower and giving it back to the masses, this man, who would soon be known as St Francis of Assisi, helped lay the foundations of the modern Christmas. He was a truly groundbreaking music star.

      Fast-forward 800 years and the bad acting and forgotten lines of primary school Nativity plays are, in their own special way, and without even realising, paying homage to di Bernardone’s demonstration. As, of course, are Christmas singles.

      So, whilst we might remember St Francis as a safe, traditional icon of a quieter age, in reality this was a guy who blew people’s minds with his new festive ideas.

      We could sure do with another St Francis right now.

      1) ‘Fairytale of New York’, The Pogues featuring Kirsty McColl (1987)

      2) ‘Last Christmas’, Wham! (1984)

      3) ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’, Mariah Carey (1994)

      4) ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’, Wizzard (1973)

      5) ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’, Band Aid (1984)

      6) ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’, Slade (1973)

      7) ‘Driving Home for Christmas’, Chris Rea (1988)

      8) ‘Step Into Christmas’, Elton John (1973)

      9) ‘The Power of Love’, Frankie Goes To Hollywood (1984)

      10) ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’, Shakin’ Stevens (1985)

      London, England, 2012

      When it comes to popular Christmas songs it seems we in the UK, have turned into Noddy Holder’s gran: ‘Here we go again,’ we say each December, when snowy television adverts start to resurrect ancient festive tunes and our favourite cafés seem to be playing ‘Now That’s What I Call Christmas’ on loop. ‘You can’t beat the oldies.’

      OK,after accusing an entire music-loving public of being geriatric, I suppose I should clarify things a little. I’m not suggesting that classic Christmas songs – those over-familiar ditties sung by national institutions (Cliff, Elton, Shaky …) – are deemed the best because our modern music is a spent force. Far from it. In 2011, British acts accounted for almost 12% of all music sales around the globe. Not to mention that in the world’s biggest music market, the USA, our acts accounted for one in 10 of all albums sold. In the UK, almost half of all album purchases were of UK artists. Our current pop scene is flying.2

      No – the reason the oldies are so golden is quite simply because now they’re the only ones around. Contemporary successful artists just don’t seem that bothered with making new Christmas hits. Where is today’s equivalent of Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’ (the hit that gave them their sixth number one, and made Noddy and the boys the biggest Top 40 band in the country when it was released in 1973)? Where is this year’s ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’ by Shakin’ Stevens (the UK’s highest-selling singles artist of the Eighties)? Yesteryear’s seasonal classics have become the easy, default choice – that’s why they’re always deemed ‘the best’. Switch on your radio during the festive season and you’ll hear little else

      It’s a romantic complaint of course. But it’s an undeniable shame that today so few people – whether they’re huge artists, record buyers or radio station music programmers – seem bothered with creating new material to be part of a great tradition. Perhaps by the time you read this something fresh will have come along. Fingers crossed. But right now, contemporary British pop has given up on Christmas songs.

      In the grand scheme of things, this shortage is not an issue up there with, say, the lack of jobs for university leavers, or the conflict in the Middle East. Politicians will not be rushing to pass laws, write bills or lay motions on the table because the race for Christmas number one just doesn’t seem that exciting anymore. We are missing out on a lot of fun, though. And, if there’s one thing we’ve learnt from a host of recent national events – the Olympics, the Queen’s Jubilee, etc – it’s that the United Kingdom is a nation united by fun. A recent BBC survey showed that of people questioned 83% believed that the Games had had a positive effect on the UK, whilst 80% said London 2012 had made them more proud to be British.3

      Give Brits the opportunity to buy bunting and we’ll go bloody nuts for it.

      In fact, the whole notion of Christmas itself is more proof of this national disposition. Even in an age where Christianity no longer holds the sway it once did (between 1968 and 1999, Anglican Sunday church attendances almost halved – dropping from 3.5 per cent of the population to just 1.9 per cent4), an age where it’s widely accepted that the commercial aspect of the season has gotten out of hand (a poll carried out by TomTom revealed the hunt for presents to be the fourth most annoying thing about the festive season, behind only traffic jams, Cliff Richard’s ‘Millennium Prayer’ and holiday TV schedules5), Christmas remains one of the pivotal events in the UK calendar. Our feelings towards Christmas seem to be mixed to say the least but we still can’t help going for it big time.

      Against the odds, our nation continues to relish the opportunity to feel some kind of togetherness and celebration. It doesn’t matter whether we actually believe that Mary could have been a virgin or that buying tat from Poundland is the best way to commemorate the birth of The Messiah. There is so much to criticise about Christmas, and yet it has so much power. That’s quite some emotional sway you’ve got there, Christmas.

      But pop has forgotten all that.

      In TomTom’s poll, ‘Hearing the familiar old Christmas songs’ came in as the fifth most annoying thing about the holiday season, and yet there is little coming up to challenge the status quo. The result is stasis, endless repetition of former glories, a bit like being forced to watch annual re-runs of British success at London 2012 for the next thirty years. Can you imagine? Whilst I’ll never forget marvelling at how at five foot five, 26-year-old Jessica Ennis made me feel so incredibly puny, I’m not keen to watch a re-run of her Olympic gold win every year for the next three decades. Are you? We need to see new golden moments unfold. It’s how fresh memories get made.

      I’m old enough to remember when a lot of those Christmas songs first came out. They’re a part of my childhood and I cherish that synchronicity. But please – enough of the annual reminders. Time to move on now, surely?

      Cosiness: it’s both the friend and the enemy of the Christmas single. Cosiness is partly to blame for the state of Christmas pop music that we’re currently in.

      To illustrate my point, let’s try a little experiment: I’m going to share with you my first memory of a Christmas single. Now I’d love to relate this in a scientific and methodical way but I’m pretty sure it’s impossible. You see, as soon as I think about the song in question I go into default ‘cosy mode’. I can’t help it. I know I’m not alone either. ‘Awwww, it’s Christmas!’ we all cry every December. ‘We want it to be old-fashioned! It should be about log fires and colourful sweaters and classic songs!’ But isn’t that the problem? Cosiness like that never moves thing forward.

      Anyway, back to the test. For me, for more than thirty years, George Michael singing nonsensically about ‘a face on a lover with a fire on his heart’ has been the sound of Christmas.6 And I can still remember

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