LITMIR.BIZ

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a deep breath. She’d spent half the day cooking; she was exhausted. But it was worth it. She turned back around, taking in the happy scene in the room next door. Yes, it was worth it. She’d fought so hard for this. She deserved to celebrate.

      Didn’t she?

      She clenched her hands into fists, silently berating herself. Yes, she did deserve this. Look where she’d come from.

      She took in each of her friends. Had they had to battle so hard to get where they were? She doubted it. Her guests were a mixture of people from her publishing house, a few fellow bloggers, plus her boyfriend Seb, his brother Dean and Dean’s pregnant wife Laura. All born to well-off families; privileged with happy innocent childhoods. Only Christina had come from what Estelle would call a ‘normal’ family. They’d met at a foodie awards event three years ago, just as both their blogs were gaining traction: Estelle’s focusing on healthy ‘pure’ recipes, Christina’s on balancing motherhood with crafting. Out of all the people sitting around the table, it was Christina she felt most herself with, even more so than her own partner Seb.

      But even Christina didn’t know much about Estelle’s background … and Estelle wanted to keep it that way.

      ‘You okay, gorgeous?’

      She looked up to see her boyfriend frowning at her, his muscular frame filling the doorway of the kitchen, a serving spoon in his right hand.

      She forced a smile onto her face. ‘I’m fine! Just thinking how lucky I am.’ She pulled her phone from her pocket and pointed it at him. ‘Hold that pose.’

      She took a photo then shared it with her followers on Instagram with the caption: A new paddle for my Olympic rowing darling.

      Seb rolled his eyes. ‘I’m just social media fodder for you.’

      She gave him a peck on the cheek. ‘You need to stop looking so cute then, don’t you?’

      She grabbed two bottles of wine from their fridge then walked into the dining room.

      ‘Who’s for some more wine?’ she asked. Everyone cheered in approval. She went around the table, topping up everyone’s glasses. When she got to her own glass, she added a dribble. She didn’t much like drinking, just the odd sip here and there.

      ‘Might want to calm down there, darling,’ Silvia said to her husband as he took a huge sip.

      ‘Oh please. We have a child-free night; I’m making the most of it,’ he replied.

      ‘Not a child-free morning though,’ Silvia reminded him.

      ‘Don’t remind me. Honestly, the stress of getting that girl up in the morning. You wait until you have a teenager,’ Giles said, quirking an eyebrow at Dean. ‘Nightmare.’

      ‘Oh come on, don’t exaggerate,’ Silvia countered. ‘She’s a dream compared to most teenagers …’ Her face darkened. ‘Like that TV presenter, Chris O’Farrell’s daughter. Did you hear about her running away?’ she asked.

      Estelle thought of the brief glimpse of news she’d seen, the silver-haired presenter pleading to camera for his daughter to return.

      ‘I did,’ Estelle said with a sigh. ‘He must be so worried.’

      ‘I wish Annabelle would run away,’ Giles drawled.

      ‘Giles!’ Silvia exclaimed, flicking her serviette at her husband. ‘How could you?’

      Estelle smiled at the banter between the couple. They were the publishing world’s most celebrated couple; it was still blowing her mind they were sat at her dinner table.

      ‘Admit it,’ Giles said. ‘She’s a nightmare at the moment.’

      Silvia shook her head. ‘She’s a teenager. They’re supposed to be nightmares.’

      ‘Much like writers,’ Giles said with a raised eyebrow. ‘Bar present company, of course!’

      ‘I do apologise for my husband, Estelle,’ Silvia said. ‘He’s had particularly bad luck with his writers. He never quite believes it when I say mine are a dream to work with, especially you.’

      Estelle quirked an eyebrow. ‘You weren’t thinking that when I made those changes to the proofs at the last minute.’

      Silvia pretended to scold Estelle and Estelle laughed.

      ‘I’m intrigued, what bad luck have you had with your writers, Giles?’ Seb asked.

      Giles leaned back into his chair, resting his glass on his rotund belly, clearly pleased to be the centre of attention. ‘You must’ve heard about Krishna Sandhill?’

      ‘I remember reading something about her,’ Seb’s brother said. ‘Wasn’t she some meditation guru?’

      Giles nodded. ‘The Queen of Calm, we called her. Advocating a new form of meditation that promised calmness and clarity after just five days of following her little regime. Just before we signed off the final copy of her book, we received news she’d spent several months in prison for aggravated bodily harm to an ex. So much for calm.’

      ‘No!’ everyone around the table exclaimed.

      ‘The book was cancelled at the last moment,’ Giles said with a sigh. ‘It was a complete fucking mess. You can’t publish a book claiming to calm people down when it’s been written by someone so angry they beat up their husband.’ He shook his head. ‘We lost tens of thousands of pounds thanks to her dark past.’

      Estelle felt a tremor of fear inside at his words. Her dark past. But she trampled it down.

      ‘Ah,’ Kim, Estelle’s publicist, said.

      ‘What’s wrong?’ Estelle asked her.

      ‘I hate to tell you this, but the journalist who exposed Krishna is the one who’s interviewing you tomorrow.’

      ‘Which one?’ Dean asked. He presented a radio show called Outing Rogues, which investigated cowboy builders and dishonest businessmen, so knew lots of journalists.

      ‘Louis Patel?’ Kim said.

      Dean raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh yes, he can be quite tough.’

      ‘Don’t, you’re making me nervous,’ Estelle said. This was her first proper profile with a national newspaper. All her other interviewers had focused more on either her book deal or cooking tips.

      Silvia put on a mock-serious face. ‘I hope our Queen of Clean doesn’t have any skeletons in her closet?’

      Estelle forced a smile.

      ‘Okay, I admit it,’ she said, putting her hands up. ‘I might have taken a bite of a Disney princess cake at my goddaughter’s birthday last week,’ she said, referring to Christina and Tom’s five-year-old.

      ‘Yep,’ Christina said with an exaggerated sigh. ‘I can confirm she did. But only because my daughter insisted.’

      Everyone laughed and, to Estelle’s relief, they soon moved onto a lighter subject – Seb’s new radio documentary about aspiring rowers, which was airing the next day.

      But Estelle felt herself retreating, thoughts of the previous conversation stirring around her mind. She’d deliberately glossed over her childhood when she’d written the introduction to her book. What if the journalist she was meeting tomorrow had done some digging?

      She played with the stem of her wine glass. Outside, the stars twinkled mischievously, the sound of laughter from the streets below drifting towards her on the breeze. She peered towards her book again and tried to draw comfort from it. Look how far she’d come! She refused to let anything ruin that. She had so much to be proud of and so much to look forward to.

      Christina leaned over, putting her hand on her arm. ‘You okay, Estelle?’ she asked quietly.

      ‘I’m

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