LITMIR.BIZ

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reckon if there’s anything you ought a know about cooking, it’s this.”

      “That’s just lard, ain’t it?”

      “No, it ain’t just lard,” I say. “It’s the most important invention in the kitchen since jarred mayonnaise.”

      “What’s so special about” – she wrinkles her nose at it – “pig fat?”

      “Ain’t pig, it’s vegetable.” Who in this world doesn’t know what Crisco is? “You don’t have a clue of all the things you can do with this here can.”

      She shrugs. “Fry?”

      “Ain’t just for frying. You ever get a sticky something stuck in your hair, like gum?” I jackhammer my finger on the Crisco can. “That’s right, Crisco. Spread this on a baby’s bottom, you won’t even know what diaper rash is.” I plop three scoops in the black skillet. “Shoot, I seen ladies rub it under they eyes and on they husband’s scaly feet.”

      “Look how pretty it is,” she says. “Like white cake frosting.”

      “Clean the goo from a price tag, take the squeak out a door hinge. Lights get cut off, stick a wick in it and burn it like a candle.”

      I turn on the flame and we watch it melt down in the pan. “And after all that, it’ll still fry your chicken.”

      “Alright,” she says, concentrating hard. “What’s next?”

      “Chicken’s been soaking in the buttermilk,” I say. “Now mix up the dry.[33]” I pour flour, salt, more salt, pepper, paprika, and a pinch of cayenne into a doubled paper sack.

      “Now. Put the chicken parts in the bag and shake it.”

      Miss Celia puts a raw chicken thigh in, bumps the bag around. “Like this? Just like the Shake ’n Bake commercials on the tee-vee?”

      “Yeah,” I say and run my tongue up over my teeth because if that’s not an insult, I don’t know what is. “Just like the Shake ’n Bake.” But then I freeze. I hear the sound of a car motor out on the road. I hold still and listen. I see Miss Celia’s eyes are big and she’s listening too. We’re thinking the same thing: What if it’s him and where will I hide?

      The car motor passes. We both breathe again.

      “Miss Celia,” I grit my teeth, “how come you can’t tell your husband about me? Ain’t he gone know when the cooking gets good?”

      “Oh, I didn’t think of that! Maybe we ought to burn the chicken a little.”

      I look at her sideways. I ain’t burning no chicken. She didn’t answer the real question, but I’ll get it out of her soon enough.

      Real careful, I lay the dark meat in the pan. It bubbles up like a song and we watch the thighs and legs turn brown. I look over and Miss Celia’s smiling at me.

      “What? Something on my face?”

      “No,” she says, tears coming up in her eyes. She touches my arm. “I’m just real grateful you’re here.”

      I move my arm back from under her hand. “Miss Celia, you got a lot more to be grateful for than me.”

      “I know.” She looks at her fancy kitchen like it’s something that tastes bad. “I never dreamed I’d have this much.”

      “Well, ain’t you lucky[34].”

      “I’ve never been happier in my whole life.”

      I leave it at that. Underneath all that happy, she sure doesn’t look happy.

* * *

      That night, I call Aibileen.

      “Miss Hilly was at Miss Leefolt’s yesterday,” Aibileen says. “She ask if anybody knew where you was working.”

      “Lordy, she find me out there, she ruirn it for sure.” It’s been two weeks since the Terrible Awful Thing I did to that woman. I know she’d just love to see me fired on the spot.

      “What Leroy say when you told him you got the job?” Aibileen asks.

      “Shoot. He strut around the kitchen like a plumed rooster cause he in front a the kids,” I say. “Act like he the only one supporting the family and I’m just doing this to keep my poor self entertained. Later on though, we in bed and I thought my big old bull for a husband gone cry.”

      Aibileen laughs. “Leroy got a lot a pride.”

      “Yeah, I just got to make sure Mister Johnny don’t catch up with me.”

      “And she ain’t told you why she don’t want him to know?”

      “All she say is she want him to think she can do the cooking and the cleaning herself. But that ain’t why. She hiding something from him.”

      “Ain’t it funny how this worked out. Miss Celia can’t tell nobody, else it’ll get back to Mister Johnny. So Miss Hilly won’t find out, cause Miss Celia can’t tell nobody. You couldn’t a fixed it up better yourself.”

      “Mm-hmm” is all I say. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, since Aibileen’s the one who got me the job. But I can’t help but think that I’ve just doubled my trouble, what with Miss Hilly and now Mister Johnny too.

      “Minny, I been meaning to ask you.” Aibileen clears her throat. “You know that Miss Skeeter?”

      “Tall one, used to come over to Miss Walters for bridge?”

      “Yeah, what you think about her?”

      “I don’t know, she white just like the rest of em. Why? What she say about me?”

      “Nothing about you,” Aibileen says. “She just… a few weeks ago, I don’t know why I keep thinking about it. She ask me something. Ask do I want to change things. White woman never asked —”

      But then Leroy stumbles in from the bedroom wanting his coffee before his late shift. “Shoot, he’s up,” I say. “Talk quick.”

      “Naw, never mind. It’s nothing,” Aibileen says.

      “What? What’s going on? What that lady tell you?”

      “It was just jabber. It was nonsense.”

      Chapter 4

      My first week at Miss Celia’s, I scrub the house until there isn’t a dust rag or a stripped sheet or even a run stocking left to wipe with. Second week, I scrub the house again because it’s like the dirt grew back. Third week, I am satisfied and settle in my ways.

      Every day, Miss Celia looks like she just can’t believe I’ve come back to work. I’m the only thing that interrupts all that quiet around her. My house is always full of five kids and neighbors and a husband. Most days when I come in to Miss Celia’s, I am grateful for the peace.

      My housekeeping tasks fall on the same day for every job I take: on Monday, I oil up the furniture. Tuesday, I wash and iron the damn sheets, the day I hate. Wednesday is for scrubbing the bathtub real good even though I wipe it down every morning. Thursday is for polishing floors and sucking rugs, minding the antique ones with a hand broom so they don’t thread. Friday is heavy cooking for the weekend and what-have-you. And every day is mopping, washing clothes and ironing shirts so they don’t go getting out of hand, and generally keeping things clean. Silver and windows, they’re as needed. Since there aren’t any kids to look after, there’s ample time left for Miss Celia’s so-called cooking lesson.

      Miss Celia never does any entertaining, so we just fix whatever she and Mister Johnny are having for supper: pork chops, fried chicken, roast beef, chicken pie, lamb rack, baked ham, fried tomatoes, mashed potatoes, plus the vegetables. Or at least I cook and Miss Celia fidgets, looking more like a five-year-old than the rich lady paying my rent. When the lesson’s over, she rushes back to laying down. In fact, the only time Miss Celia walks ten feet is to come in the kitchen for her lesson or to sneak

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