Positive Thinking - Hasson Gill

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far, then, so good. But what if you're currently facing challenges and setbacks? What if you've experienced trauma and even tragedy? How can positive thinking be of any real practical help?

      So much of how we handle problems depends on how we make meaning out of our experiences.

      Finding something positive in adversity doesn't mean denying how difficult or devastating the situation is, but it can help prevent you from being overwhelmed by the awfulness of it.

      The final section of this book – Part 3 – looks at the role of positive thinking in a number of difficult and challenging situations.

      Chapter 7 looks at managing, amongst other things, disappointment, guilt, regret and tragedy. It emphasizes the need for courage – the bravest, most intrepid form of positive thinking – and explains that, whatever the circumstances, you can see possibilities and find hope in the most difficult of times.

      And finally, Chapter 8 looks at the sort of negative mindsets that can cause you stress and hold you back. It explains how to free yourself from, for example, a fear of failure and the unrealistic expectations that can often come with being a perfectionist.

      The same principles of positive thinking – let go of negativity and instead focus on the positive – apply throughout Part 3. You'll find that they're emphasized as a way of dealing with the times that you might be inclined to negatively compare yourself with others. A key piece of advice here is to see other people as role models to learn from and be an inspiration to you rather than see others as people who are ‘better’ or have more than you.

      In fact, throughout the book you will read stories of people who have used positive thinking to achieve their goals and overcome difficulties. Hopefully, their stories will inspire you; inspire you to view yourself, your abilities and experiences in a positive light and to approach life and its challenges with a positive outlook.

      In the words of the writer Stephen King: ‘You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.'

      So let's get started!

      Part 1

      Positive Thinking and Positive Action

      1

      You Are What You Think

      Positive thinking vs. negative thinking

      Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will. Think positively and you're likely to enjoy positive results. Negative thinking, on the other hand, can lead to outcomes you'd rather not have. Negative thinking undermines your confidence. It contributes to indecision. It defeats you. It beats you. It creates the ‘bad luck’ that you'll later lament.

      Think positively and you'll feel able to manage and do well. Think negatively and you're likely to feel overwhelmed and powerless. What you think and say to yourself can have quite an impact on what you can and can't do, as shown by this simple exercise. Try it for yourself. You'll need another person to help.

      Part 1:

      ○ Ask the other person to stand and extend their dominant arm out horizontally, at shoulder level so that their arm is parallel with the floor.

      ○ Ask them to think of a time when they failed at something – a test or exam or job interview, for example. Then ask them to think negative thoughts about themselves: ‘I’m weak. I'm not as clever as other people. I'm hopeless. I'm pathetic, I'm not good at anything. I can't do this.'

      ○ Ask the person to continue thinking the negative things. Tell them you are going to stand behind them and attempt to pull their dominant arm down to their side. Ask them to resist you pulling their arm down.

      Part 2:

      ○ Now, ask the person to hold their dominant arm up again at the shoulders, parallel to the floor.

      ○ This time, ask them to think of a time when they achieved something, succeeded and did well at something – passed a test or exam, got offered the job, did well in a sport, for example. Then ask them to think of positive things about themselves: ‘I try my best. I can do well. I feel good about myself. I am a good person. I am strong. I can do this.’

      ○ Ask them to repeat the positive statements to themselves while you attempt to pull their arm down to their side. Ask them to resist the pull.

      Typically, in the first part of the exercise, the person's arm is more likely to give way to your pull. Negativity overwhelms them and it's not easy for them to be strong. However, when the person's thoughts are positive, their body has the ability to resist the force that's pulling their arm down. They are more likely to stay strong and resist your pull.

      So what does this little experiment prove? It shows us the power of our thoughts over our bodies. When we think negative thoughts, we tend to zap our strength. When we have positive thoughts, we become stronger and are more in control.

      You are what you think. And what you think, you are.

      It's important to know, though, that neither negative thinking nor positive thinking is more real or true than the other. Either way of thinking could be real or true. But what does make one way of thinking more real is the one you choose to think and believe. As Shakespeare said, ‘For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’

      Your thoughts can be understood as your ‘self-talk’ or your ‘inner voice’. Your self-talk provides you with a running commentary rather like the constant text at the bottom of a 24-hour news channel. This self-talk directs your thinking and shapes your beliefs, expectations and actions.

      Self-talk has a way of creating its own reality. Telling yourself you can do something can help it happen. Telling yourself you can't do something can make it more likely to be true. And because your brain speaks with your own voice, whatever it says, it feels real and it feels true.

      To a greater or lesser extent, we simply accept particular beliefs and ways of thinking. That's all well and good if those thoughts are helpful and constructive. It's not so good if those ways of thinking are negative and produce thoughts and feelings that are unhelpful and self-defeating.

      Positive intentions of negative thinking

      So if positive thinking is the most helpful, beneficial way to think, why do we think in negative ways? Let's start by trying to understand this.

      Negative ways of thinking are an aspect of emotions such as fear, worry, anxiety, disappointment, guilt, shame, regret, resentment and jealousy. Often, these emotions include thoughts such as ‘I can't do that’, ‘I’m scared', ‘It's not fair’, ‘I’m such an idiot', ‘It's his fault’, ‘It's her fault’, ‘Nothing ever goes right for me’ and ‘I wish I hadn't done that.’

      We usually think of emotions like fear, worry, disappointment etc. as ‘negative emotions’. Why? Because they make us feel bad. And yet, these emotions, like all other emotions, do actually have a positive intent.

      Take, for example, the emotion of guilt. Typically, the thoughts that accompany guilt are ‘I’ve screwed up, I shouldn't have done that, it's my fault. I feel bad about what I did.'

      How can this way of thinking be positive? Well, the positive intent of guilt is to prompt you to recognize your wrongdoing and then to think about and take action to put right or make up for what you did wrong.

      If, though, when you feel guilty you simply wallow in your guilt, beat yourself up about what you did wrong or try and suppress or deny how you feel, then your thoughts and actions (or lack of action) remain negative. Those thoughts and actions or inactions do you no good whatsoever.

      The positive intentions of ‘negative’ emotions act in the same way as the positive intention of physical pain. If, for example, you touch something really hot, the pain makes you pull away. It feels bad, but the positive intention of that pain is to protect you. It's the same with emotional pain; it can prompt you to take positive action.

      What about a difficult emotion such as regret? How can that be positive? The positive intent of regret is to prompt you to learn

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