Overcoming Anxiety - Hasson Gill

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Age of Anxiety’ appears to be defined by the pressures and uncertainties of modern life. However, the Mental Health Foundation’s report concludes that ‘anxiety stems as much from concern for family, friends and relationships as it does from the demands of the outside world.’ The bottom line is that people can experience anxiety, and anxiety disorders, related to just about anything.

      Everyone gets nervous or anxious from time to time – when speaking in public, for instance, or when going through financial difficulty. For some people, however, anxiety becomes so frequent, or so forceful, that it begins to take over their lives.

      The majority of anxiety sufferers are able to function on a day-to-day basis – albeit with difficulty. But it is possible to worry so much that it starts to have a noticeable impact on your daily life.

      Anxiety can make you feel on edge, irritable and unable to relax or concentrate. The way you think can be affected: if you fear that the worst is going to happen, you may start to see everything negatively and become very pessimistic. You may feel the need to frequently seek the reassurance of others. You may experience physical symptoms – headaches and nausea, for example.

      To cope with these feelings and sensations, you may turn to smoking or drinking too much, or misusing drugs. You may hold on to relationships that either encourage your anxious outlook or help you avoid situations you find distressing – and so stop you dealing with what’s worrying you.

      You may withdraw from social contact and also find going to work difficult and stressful; you may take time off sick.

      If your anxiety is severe, you may find it difficult to hold down a job, develop or maintain good relationships. Sleep problems may make your anxious feelings even worse and reduce your ability to cope.

      For some people, anxiety becomes so overwhelming that it takes over their lives and can cause long-term mental health problems.

      Whether you have occasional anxiety or a diagnosable disorder, the good news is that you can take effective and straightforward steps every day to manage and minimize your anxiety.

      Things can be changed for the better; there’s plenty you can do to understand and help yourself. This book will show you how.

      Some people find it really helpful to understand what anxiety is; others just want to know what to do about it – they want advice, tips and techniques. This book does both.

      The chapters in Part 1 explain exactly what anxiety is and how it can present itself – as generalized anxiety disorder, as panic attacks, phobias, OCD and/or IBS.

      You will learn that anxiety manifests itself in three different ways: in the way you think, how you physically feel and the way you behave. Part 1 also explains how your thoughts, feelings and behaviour affect each other. You will also be encouraged to question and challenge negative and anxious thoughts, as well as to learn how to replace negative thoughts with more helpful, realistic ways of thinking.

      In Part 2, Chapters 4 and 5 explain how to manage the cognitive aspect of anxiety: your thoughts, beliefs and expectations. Chapter 5 introduces you to ways you can use mindfulness to manage anxiety.

      It can, though, feel impossible to think clearly when you’re flooded with anxiety. You may need to calm down physically first. Chapter 6 explains ways that you can manage the physical feelings that come with anxiety.

      Chapter 7 encourages you to focus on what you can change, rather than aspects of the situation that are beyond your control. You will learn how to find one small step you can take now and discover that once you start doing something – something constructive – you may feel less worried because you are moving beyond worry and doubt and doing something about it.

      You will also learn how to identify activities that you can turn to when you want to switch off from worrying; something that you can dip into for ten minutes or immerse yourself in for an hour. Something that keeps you focused and engaged, that brings your complete attention to the present experience.

      In Chapter 8 you will read about the role of courage, confidence and self-esteem in relation to managing anxiety. There are plenty of ideas, tips and techniques to help you assert yourself so that you are less anxious about dealing with other people.

      Finally, Chapter 9 looks at the importance of reaching out to and connecting with other people. It explains what friends and family need to know, what you can ask them to do and how they can help. This final chapter also introduces the idea that other people in your life, despite their good intentions, might, without realizing it, be enabling and supporting your anxiety.

      You will find some other useful support and general resources at the back of the book.

      Throughout the book, there are quotes and examples from other people who have experienced anxiety. You will read about their ways of managing and overcoming their worries, anxieties and fears in a range of situations – at work, at home and in social situations.

      Also throughout the book, there are exercises, activities and tips, strategies and techniques for you to try. However, not every tip, technique or strategy works the same for everyone and every anxious experience. What is crucial is that you learn and develop a range of techniques and strategies that work for you. Some of the tips and techniques you pick up will bring quick results. Others – like learning to accept or change the way you think – will take time and practice.

      You’ve got to work at it to identify ways to manage your anxiety that work for you – and keep at it. Yes, it can be tedious, boring and hard work, but anxiety can be those things too. Learning to manage anxiety is much more positive than being controlled by anxiety!

      PART ONE

      Understanding Anxiety

      1

      The Three Aspects of Anxiety

      Who hasn’t, at one time or another, been worried or anxious?

      We’ve all experienced doubts, fears and worries; most of us have experienced feeling tense, uncertain and even fearful at the thought of speaking to a group or sitting an exam, having an operation, attending an interview or starting a new job.

      Maybe right now you’re worried about a forthcoming social event or driving somewhere new on your own. Perhaps you get anxious when your partner or teenager is late home. If everything goes well – your partner or teenager arrives home, the social event or the journey has been and gone – the anxiety will go with it, but until it is over, the hours, days or weeks leading up to it can be very difficult.

      Perhaps you’re worried about losing your job or something dreadful happening to your partner or children. You may be anxious about events that feel like they’re beyond your control: being attacked, being made redundant or never being able to own your own home. Perhaps you fret about global warming or getting cancer.

      Whatever it is that’s worrying you and making you anxious, it can have an effect on both your body and your mind. Anxiety can leave you feeling uncomfortable or even physically unwell. It can be an annoying distraction or it can leave you unable to think about anything else whatsoever.

      Anxiety can erode your confidence and self-esteem, affect your relationships and friendships and impair your ability to study and work. If, for whatever reason, you experience prolonged or intense anxiety, you may find it difficult to deal with in your everyday life; you may feel powerless and out of control.

      ‘Sometimes, anxiety takes over my life – I find myself worrying about everything, even small things like my son forgetting his PE kit become an overwhelming concern.’

      After a while, you may start to fear the symptoms of anxiety and this can set up a vicious circle. You may be anxious because you dread the feelings of anxiety, but then you experience those symptoms because you’re having anxious thoughts. You feel that something bad will or might happen and you don’t know how or if you will be able to cope.

      Anxiety is the anticipation of trouble, misfortune or adversity, difficulties or disaster. If you haven’t any experience of an event or situation, you may be anxious about what could happen or how you will cope with it. But if you have experienced

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