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>The Merry Wives of Windsor

      Actus primus

      Scena prima

      Enter Iustice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page,

      Falstoffe,

      Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page, Mistresse Ford, Mistresse

      Page, Simple.

      Shallow. Sir Hugh, perswade me not: I will make a StarChamber

      matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir

      Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow

      Esquire

      Slen. In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and Coram

      Shal. I (Cosen Slender) and Custalorum

      Slen. I, and Ratolorum too; and a Gentleman borne

      (Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any

      Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero

      Shal. I that I doe, and haue done any time these three

      hundred yeeres

      Slen. All his successors (gone before him) hath don't: and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate

      Shal. It is an olde Coate

      Euans. The dozen white Lowses doe become an old Coat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies Loue

      Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an old

      Coate

      Slen. I may quarter (Coz)

      Shal. You may, by marrying

      Euans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it

      Shal. Not a whit

      Euan. Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat, there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple coniectures; but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe haue committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the Church and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make attonements and compremises betweene you

      Shal. The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot

      Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there is no feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you) shall desire to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a Riot: take your vizaments in that

      Shal. Ha; o'my life, if I were yong againe, the sword should end it

      Euans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another deuice in my praine, which peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity

      Slen. Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, and speakes small like a woman

      Euans. It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as you will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes, and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deathsbed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, when she is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were a goot motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and Mistris Anne Page

      Slen. Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundred

      pound?

      Euan. I, and her father is make her a petter penny

      Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good

      gifts

      Euan. Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is

      goot gifts

      Shal. Wel, let vs see honest Mr Page: is Falstaffe there? Euan. Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as I doe despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for Mr. Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house heere

      Mr.Page. Who's there? Euan. Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and Iustice Shallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that peraduentures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings

      Mr.Page. I am glad to see your Worships well: I thanke you for my Venison Master Shallow

      Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good doe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, it was ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I thank you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart

      M.Page. Sir, I thanke you

      Shal. Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe

      M.Pa. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender

      Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard say he was out-run on Cotsall

      M.Pa. It could not be iudg'd, Sir

      Slen. You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse

      Shal. That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault: 'tis a good dogge

      M.Pa. A Cur, Sir

      Shal. Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there be more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heere? M.Pa. Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a good office betweene you

      Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake

      Shal. He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.)

      M.Pa. Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it

      Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that so (M[aster]. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at a word he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saith he is wronged

      Ma.Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn

      Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me to

      the King?

      Shal. Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my deere, and broke open my Lodge

      Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter?

      Shal. Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd

      Fal. I will answere it strait, I haue done all this:

      That is now answer'd

      Shal. The Councell shall know this

      Fal. 'Twere better for you if it were known in councell: you'll be laugh'd at

      Eu. Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts

      Fal. Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I broke your head: what matter haue you against me? Slen. Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym, and Pistoll

      Bar. You Banbery Cheese

      Slen. I, it is no matter

      Pist. How now, Mephostophilus?

      Slen. I, it is no matter

      Nym. Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor

      Slen. Where's Simple my man? can you tell, Cosen? Eua. Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: there is three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe, (fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and finally) mine Host of the Garter

      Ma.Pa. We three to hear it, & end it between them

      Euan. Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can

      Fal. Pistoll

      Pist. He heares with eares

      Euan. The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this? he heares with eare? why, it is affectations

      Fal. Pistoll, did you picke M[aster]. Slenders purse? Slen. I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else, of seauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward Shouelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence a peece of Yead Miller: by these gloues

      Fal. Is this true, Pistoll?

      Euan. No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse

      Pist.

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