LITMIR.BIZ

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        KING JOHN. Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here!

        ELINOR. He hath a trick of Coeur-de-lion's face;

          The accent of his tongue affecteth him.

          Do you not read some tokens of my son

          In the large composition of this man?

        KING JOHN. Mine eye hath well examined his parts

          And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak,

          What doth move you to claim your brother's land?

        BASTARD. Because he hath a half-face, like my father.

          With half that face would he have all my land:

          A half-fac'd groat five hundred pound a year!

        ROBERT. My gracious liege, when that my father liv'd,

          Your brother did employ my father much-

        BASTARD. Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land:

          Your tale must be how he employ'd my mother.

        ROBERT. And once dispatch'd him in an embassy

          To Germany, there with the Emperor

          To treat of high affairs touching that time.

          Th' advantage of his absence took the King,

          And in the meantime sojourn'd at my father's;

          Where how he did prevail I shame to speak-

          But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores

          Between my father and my mother lay,

          As I have heard my father speak himself,

          When this same lusty gentleman was got.

          Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath'd

          His lands to me, and took it on his death

          That this my mother's son was none of his;

          And if he were, he came into the world

          Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.

          Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,

          My father's land, as was my father's will.

        KING JOHN. Sirrah, your brother is legitimate:

          Your father's wife did after wedlock bear him,

          And if she did play false, the fault was hers;

          Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands

          That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,

          Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,

          Had of your father claim'd this son for his?

          In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept

          This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world;

          In sooth, he might; then, if he were my brother's,

          My brother might not claim him; nor your father,

          Being none of his, refuse him. This concludes:

          My mother's son did get your father's heir;

          Your father's heir must have your father's land.

        ROBERT. Shall then my father's will be of no force

          To dispossess that child which is not his?

        BASTARD. Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,

          Than was his will to get me, as I think.

        ELINOR. Whether hadst thou rather be a Faulconbridge,

          And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,

          Or the reputed son of Coeur-de-lion,

          Lord of thy presence and no land beside?

        BASTARD. Madam, an if my brother had my shape

          And I had his, Sir Robert's his, like him;

          And if my legs were two such riding-rods,

          My arms such eel-skins stuff'd, my face so thin

          That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose

          Lest men should say 'Look where three-farthings goes!'

          And, to his shape, were heir to all this land-

          Would I might never stir from off this place,

          I would give it every foot to have this face!

          I would not be Sir Nob in any case.

        ELINOR. I like thee well. Wilt thou forsake thy fortune,

          Bequeath thy land to him and follow me?

          I am a soldier and now bound to France.

        BASTARD. Brother, take you my land, I'll take my chance.

          Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,

          Yet sell your face for fivepence and 'tis dear.

          Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.

        ELINOR. Nay, I would have you go before me thither.

        BASTARD. Our country manners give our betters way.

        KING JOHN. What is thy name?

        BASTARD. Philip, my liege, so is my name begun:

          Philip, good old Sir Robert's wife's eldest son.

        KING JOHN. From henceforth bear his name whose form thou

      bearest:

          Kneel thou down Philip, but rise more great-

          Arise Sir Richard and Plantagenet.

        BASTARD. Brother by th' mother's side, give me your hand;

          My father gave me honour, yours gave land.

          Now blessed be the hour, by night or day,

          When I was got, Sir Robert was away!

        ELINOR. The very spirit of Plantagenet!

          I am thy grandam, Richard: call me so.

        BASTARD. Madam, by chance, but not by truth; what though?

          Something about, a little from the right,

          In at the window, or else o'er the hatch;

          Who dares not stir by day must walk by night;

          And have is have, however men do catch.

          Near or far off, well won is still well shot;

          And I am I, howe'er I was begot.

        KING JOHN. Go, Faulconbridge; now hast thou thy desire:

          A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.

          Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must speed

          For France, for France, for it is more than need.

        BASTARD. Brother, adieu. Good fortune come to thee!

          For thou wast got i' th' way of honesty.