LITMIR.BIZ

      Lord William of Purleigh retired for the night

      With a mind full of worry and trouble,

      Which was caused by an income uncommonly slight,

      And expenses uncommonly double.

      Now the same sort of thing often happens, to me —

      And perhaps to yourself – for most singularlee

      One's accounts – if one keeps 'em – will never come right,

      If, of "moneys received," one spends double.

      His lordship had gone rather early to bed,

      And for several hours had been sleeping,

      When he suddenly woke – and the hair on his head

      Slowly rose – he could hear someone creeping

      About in his room, in the dead of the night,

      With a lantern, which showed but a glimmer of light,

      And his impulse, at first, was to cover his head

      When he heard that there burglar a-creeping.

      But presently thinking "Poor fellow, there's naught

      In the house worth a burglar a-taking,

      And, being a kind-hearted lord, p'r'aps I ought,

      To explain the mistake he's a-making."

      Lord William, then still in his woolly night-cap

      (For appearances noblemen don't care a rap),

      His second-best dressing-gown hastily sought,

      And got up without any noise making.

      "I'm exceedingly sorry," his lordship began,

      "But your visit, I fear, will be fruitless.

      I possess neither money, nor jewels, my man,

      So your burglaring here will be bootless.

      The burglar was startled, but kept a cool head,

      And bowed, as his lordship, continuing, said:

      "Excuse me a moment. I'll find if I can

      My warm slippers, for I too am bootless."

      This pleasantry put them both quite at their ease;

      They discoursed of De Wet, and of Tupper.

      Then the household his lordship aroused, if you please,

      And invited the burglar to supper.

      The burglar told tales of his hardly-won wealth,

      And each drank to the other one's jolly good health.

      There's a charm about informal parties like these,