The New Retirement - Jan Cullinane

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Timing for Couples: Same Time or Staggered Times?

      If you're part of a couple, should you retire together? Around 50% of married couples in the United States retire within two years of one another. According to a study involving more than 500 working couples in their 50s, 60s, and 70s, they reported greater marital satisfaction if they retired at or around the same time. This is especially true if accumulating additional money is a nonissue, and the couple has shared interests, such as relocating to a new place, travel, getting in shape, or seeing/helping out their children/grandchildren. Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, men who were retired but had working spouses reported the most marital discord. You may have heard the saying “Twice the husband but half the money.” According to Ronald J. Manheimer, founding director of the North Carolina Center for Creative Retirement at the University of North Carolina, women's fears in retirement include losing one's identity, being responsible for their spouses'/significant others' social lives and entertainment, and experiencing a disruption of their established patterns.

      However, there are sound reasons for couples to stagger their retirement:

       Several years of additional income from the working spouse could make a huge difference in total retirement savings.

       The extra income may allow later claiming of Social Security benefits, resulting in an increase in benefits.

       Additional years of working by one spouse may shorten the years money needs to be withdrawn from retirement savings.

       If there is family medical coverage provided by an employer, this can be a great money-saving move, especially if the other person is under 65 and not eligible for Medicare.

       Although “too much togetherness” can be an issue for some couples, having one spouse retire first may help ease the transition to a new lifestyle. Consider creating two separate offices that provide a bit more breathing room if a little space is a desirable thing. Distance can be beneficial sometimes, but Arthur Aron, a relationship researcher at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, has a great suggestion for couples to revitalize their relationship. It's to do something novel that neither of you has done before – and do it together. Examples? Go whitewater rafting, try an Escape Room, take a trip to an exotic place, eat at an ethnic restaurant, help out at a Habitat for Humanity build, take up ballroom dancing. It's found that fresh kinds of activities activate the same systems of the brain that are involved in the rush of romantic love – and cocaine highs! – the dopamine reward system. Aron's research found new experiences among couples boost marital happiness.

      You may be single by choice or single due to divorce or death of a spouse. As a single, you are among a large and growing cohort of adults. According to 2020 Pew Research figures, 28% of U.S. adults aged 50–64 are single, and 36% over the age of 65 are single. In the over-65 group, 21% of males over 65 are single, and 49% of women are single, partly reflecting, of course, men's shorter life expectancy, along with “gray divorce.” That is why there is a common saying, “Men die married; women die single.” And what about “solo agers” – those without children, without a spouse, and without close relatives? Solo agers comprise about 20% of Boomers.

      The 1981 punk rock band The Clash released the catchy “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” They obviously weren't singing about picking up stakes and moving after leaving your primary career or at some point in your retirement, but it's an important question to consider and discuss. Are some places better than others? The short answer is yes.

      As mentioned in the Introduction, the pandemic has had an effect on migration patterns within the United States. People realized working remotely is not only an option, but in many cases it's a new normal. Good weather and open spaces that allow you to walk, bike, eat, and play outdoors year-round have become much more desirable. I live in Florida, and I have seen a huge influx of people of all ages relocating and purchasing homes and condos. For example, Marie L.'s oceanfront condo in Florida sold in two days to a New York buyer who purchased it without checking it out in person.

      A clever way of determining overall migration patterns is seeing where moving companies are packing up people – and unpacking them. The 2020 U.S. Moving Migration Patterns Report from North American Moving Services lists these states with the most outbound moves: Illinois, New York, California, New Jersey and Maryland. Inbound moves? Idaho, Arizona, South Carolina, Tennessee, North Carolina, Florida, Texas, and Utah.

      If we drill down and look at Boomer migration patterns, Realtor.com analyzed who looked up home sales on their site throughout the United States from ZIP codes where at least 4 out of 10 people were Boomers. (As an aside, it's a little disconcerting to see how we are tracked.)

      When those who recently retired are asked about relocating after leaving a primary career, the fairly standard answer is that they want to “age in place.” I get that – you may have lifelong friends, children, grandchildren, many ties to the community, and love where you live. For example, David K. is a homegrown Florida guy. He grew up, went to college, founded his financial services company, and continues to happily live in Florida. I grew up and went to high school and earned my bachelor's and master's degrees in Maryland, but also lived and worked in New Jersey (and was working toward my doctorate there), relocated to Ohio due to my husband's corporate transfer, and moved to Florida in 2006. I can work virtually.

      You may be born, grow up, retire, and die in the same area. That plan works for many. But, Chapter 5 suggests possibilities for relocation (including “niche” communities such as living on a ship or in a new “green” city), things you should consider when buying or renting a home or if you're considering more than one retirement location, what you must do if you decide to age in place, and what to do when you can no longer care for yourself or your loved ones.

      There's a lot of research regarding timing of retirement and lifespan. Some studies show early retirement prolongs longevity; other studies show it decreases longevity. A recent study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health recognized that people sometimes must retire early because of health issues, so this study only enrolled subjects who were similar in health, socioeconomic, and lifestyle factors. The results? Among healthy retirees, a one-year-older age at retirement was associated with an 11% lower risk of all-causes mortality. The researchers' conclusion? “Early retirement may be a risk factor for mortality and prolonged working life may provide survival benefits among U.S. adults.” Food for thought.

       Secret 1: Have Something to Wake Up For

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