Cognitive Behaviour Therapy - Avy Joseph

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another. You are balanced about your responsibility and the other person's. You forget about how things were. You acknowledged the situation and the circumstances before you did what you did. You deserve punishment. You don't think about retribution. What you do or what you feel like doing What you do or what you feel like doing You escape from your feeling in destructive ways. You face up to the healthy pain. You plead for forgiveness and/or punish yourself by physical deprivation. You ask for forgiveness but you do not physically punish yourself. You make unrealistic promises never to do it again. You make appropriate amends. You deny that you did anything bad. You accept your poor behaviour without making excuses.

       SHAME VERSUS REGRET

Unhealthy Negative Emotion What the belief is about Healthy Negative Emotion
Shame or Embarrassment Something shameful has been revealed about you. Other people judge you or shun you. Regret
How you think How you think
You exaggerate the shameful information revealed. You remain compassionate about yourself. You accept yourself.
You exaggerate the likelihood of negative judgement. You are realistic about the likelihood of negative judgement.
You think the negative judgement will last a long time. You are realistic about the length of negative judgement.
You exaggerate the degree of negative judgement. You are realistic about the degree of negative judgement.
What you do or what you feel like doing What you do or what you feel like doing
Avoid eye contact with others. You continue participating in social events.
Avoid others. You accept others’ intervention to restore social harmony.
Attack others who have shamed you.
Defend your ego in self‐defeating ways. Ignore others who attempt to help restore balance.

       UNHEALTHY ENVY VERSUS HEALTHY ENVY

Unhealthy Negative Emotion What the belief is about Healthy Negative Emotion
Unhealthy envy Another person has something you find desirable Healthy envy
How you think How you think
You devalue the desired object. You admit to yourself that you too desire it.
You tell yourself that you don't want it, even if you do. You admit that you'd also want it and accept that you do.
You try to attain it, even if it is not useful to you. You find ways to attain it only because you want it.
You put other people down and attempt to deprive them of the desired object.What you do or what you feel like doing You do not put other people down and you allow them to enjoy it.What you do or what you feel like doing
You belittle the desired object verbally. You do not belittle the desired possession.
You belittle the other person verbally. You attempt to attain it but only if you want it.
You attempt to remove or deprive the other person from the desired possession.
You spoil or destroy the desired object or possession.

       UNHEALTHY JEALOUSY VERSUS HEALTHY JEALOUSY

Unhealthy Negative Emotion What the belief is about Healthy Negative Emotion
Unhealthy jealousy There is a potential threat to a relationship from another person Healthy jealousy
How you think How you think

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