LITMIR.BIZ

      “If Only You Were Born a Boy”

      “As I grew up, my mother constantly repeated to me: ‘if only you were born a boy.’ So I eventually became one.” This is the pragmatic way in which eighteen-year-old Zahra explains how she became Zia. Zahra rents a small room in a family house located next to Kabul Polytechnic University. When, a couple of years ago, her parents divorced and remarried, none of them wanted her around anymore. Mistreated by her stepfather, neglected by her mother, and with no relatives to take care of her, she set out to take her future into her own hands and not to rely on anyone. Because of the fact that as a girl she could not enjoy this level of autonomy, she cut her hair short, purchased boys’ clothes, changed her gender identity, and found herself a job in a small cultural organization. With her big hazel eyes, her confident appearance, and her direct way of staring at people, Zahra—who becomes Zia as soon as she steps outside the house—easily passes herself off as a handsome young man.

      I met Zahra through my friend Fawzia who boards at the National Women’s Dormitory. Fawzia befriended Zahra at the self-defense class they both attend once a week at Bagh-e Zanana, the women’s park. The walls of Zahra’s bedroom are covered with posters of Jackie Chan and Bollywood movie stars. As she casually lights up a cigarette, tipping her head back to blow away large clouds of blue smoke, she comments: “Now, I can do whatever I want. I can ride a bike, do the shopping, go to work. I can even be mahram [an unmanageable kinsman; a woman must be accompanied by such an escort outside her house] for my girlfriends! I will never go back!”

      “You see, Julie, she is a bacha posh [girl dressed like a boy]! She even thinks like a boy! Deep inside, she is a boy and a beautiful one!” says Fawzia, and then she leans forward to whisper in my ear: “I love Zahra! Zahra is my boyfriend!” and she bursts into laughter.