The American Claimant - Mark Twain

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it—and most gladly reciprocate—”

      “Certainly—that’ll fetch him. Worded right, if he’s a man—got any of the feelings of a man, sympathies and all that, he’ll be here inside of twenty-four hours. Pen and paper—come, we’ll get right at it.”

      Between them they framed twenty-two different advertisements, but none was satisfactory. A main fault in all of them was urgency. That feature was very troublesome: if made prominent, it was calculated to excite Pete’s suspicion; if modified below the suspicion-point it was flat and meaningless. Finally the Colonel resigned, and said:

      “I have noticed, in such literary experiences as I have had, that one of the most taking things to do is to conceal your meaning when you are trying to conceal it. Whereas, if you go at literature with a free conscience and nothing to conceal, you can turn out a book, every time, that the very elect can’t understand. They all do.”

      Then Hawkins resigned also, and the two agreed that they must manage to wait the ten days some how or other. Next, they caught a ray of cheer: since they had something definite to go upon, now, they could probably borrow money on the reward—enough, at any rate, to tide them over till they got it; and meantime the materializing recipe would be perfected, and then good bye to trouble for good and all.

      The next day, May the tenth, a couple of things happened—among others. The remains of the noble Arkansas twins left our shores for England, consigned to Lord Rossmore, and Lord Rossmore’s son, Kirkcudbright Llanover Marjoribanks Sellers Viscount Berkeley, sailed from Liverpool for America to place the reversion of the earldom in the hands of the rightful peer, Mulberry Sellers, of Rossmore Towers in the District of Columbia, U. S. A.

      These two impressive shipments would meet and part in mid-Atlantic, five days later, and give no sign.

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      In the course of time the twins arrived and were delivered to their great kinsman. To try to describe the rage of that old man would profit nothing, the attempt would fall so far short of the purpose. However when he had worn himself out and got quiet again, he looked the matter over and decided that the twins had some moral rights, although they had no legal ones; they were of his blood, and it could not be decorous to treat them as common clay. So he laid them with their majestic kin in the Cholmondeley church, with imposing state and ceremony, and added the supreme touch by officiating as chief mourner himself. But he drew the line at hatchments.

      Our friends in Washington watched the weary days go by, while they waited for Pete and covered his name with reproaches because of his calamitous procrastinations. Meantime, Sally Sellers, who was as practical and democratic as the Lady Gwendolen Sellers was romantic and aristocratic, was leading a life of intense interest and activity and getting the most she could out of her double personality. All day long in the privacy of her work-room, Sally Sellers earned bread for the Sellers family; and all the evening Lady Gwendolen Sellers supported the Rossmore dignity. All day she was American, practically, and proud of the work of her head and hands and its commercial result; all the evening she took holiday and dwelt in a rich shadow-land peopled with titled and coroneted fictions. By day, to her, the place was a plain, unaffected, ramshackle old trap— just that, and nothing more; by night it was Rossmore Towers. At college she had learned a trade without knowing it. The girls had found out that she was the designer of her own gowns. She had no idle moments after that, and wanted none; for the exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life, and it was manifest that Sally Sellers possessed a gift of that sort in the matter of costume-designing. Within three days after reaching home she had hunted up some work; before Pete was yet due in Washington, and before the twins were fairly asleep in English soil, she was already nearly swamped with work, and the sacrificing of the family chromos for debt had got an effective check.

      “She’s a brick,” said Rossmore to the Major; “just her father all over: prompt to labor with head or hands, and not ashamed of it; capable, always capable, let the enterprise be what it may; successful by nature—don’t know what defeat is; thus, intensely and practically American by inhaled nationalism, and at the same time intensely and aristocratically European by inherited nobility of blood. Just me, exactly: Mulberry Sellers in matter of finance and invention; after office hours, what do you find? The same clothes, yes, but what’s in them? Rossmore of the peerage.”

      The two friends had haunted the general post-office daily. At last they had their reward. Toward evening on the 20th of May, they got a letter for XYZ. It bore the Washington postmark; the note itself was not dated. It said:

      “Ash barrel back of lamp post Black horse Alley. If you are playing square go and set on it to-morrow morning 21st 10.22 not sooner not later wait till I come.”

      The friends cogitated over the note profoundly. Presently the earl said:

      “Don’t you reckon he’s afraid we are a sheriff with a requisition?”

      “Why, m’lord?”

      “Because that’s no place for a seance. Nothing friendly, nothing sociable about it. And at the same time, a body that wanted to know who was roosting on that ash-barrel without exposing himself by going near it, or seeming to be interested in it, could just stand on the street corner and take a glance down the alley and satisfy himself, don’t you see?”

      “Yes, his idea is plain, now. He seems to be a man that can’t be candid and straightforward. He acts as if he thought we—shucks, I wish he had come out like a man and told us what hotel he—”

      “Now you’ve struck it! you’ve struck it sure, Washington; he has told us.”

      “Has he?”

      “Yes, he has; but he didn’t mean to. That alley is a lonesome little pocket that runs along one side of the New Gadsby. That’s his hotel.”

      “What makes’ you think that?”

      “Why, I just know it. He’s got a room that’s just across from that lamp post. He’s going to sit there perfectly comfortable behind his shutters at 10.22 to-morrow, and when he sees us sitting on the ash-barrel, he’ll say to himself, ‘I saw one of those fellows on the train’—and then he’ll pack his satchel in half a minute and ship for the ends of the earth.”

      Hawkins turned sick with disappointment:

      “Oh, dear, it’s all up, Colonel—it’s exactly what he’ll do.”

      “Indeed he won’t!”

      “Won’t he? Why?”

      “Because you won’t be holding the ash barrel down, it’ll be me. You’ll be coming in with an officer and a requisition in plain clothes—the officer, I mean—the minute you see him arrive and open up a talk with me.”

      “Well, what a head you have got, Colonel Sellers! I never should have thought of that in the world.”

      “Neither would any earl of Rossmore, betwixt William’s contribution and Mulberry—as earl; but it’s office hours, now, you see, and the earl in me sleeps. Come—I’ll show you his very room.”

      They reached the neighborhood of the New Gadsby about nine in the evening, and passed down the alley to the lamp post.

      “There you are,” said the colonel, triumphantly, with a wave of his hand which took in the whole side of the hotel. “There it is—what did I tell you?”

      “Well, but—why, Colonel, it’s six stories high. I don’t quite make out which window you—”

      “All the windows, all of them. Let him have his choice—I’m indifferent, now that I have located him. You go and stand on the corner and wait; I’ll prospect the hotel.”

      The

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