LITMIR.BIZ

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on this earth:

      The noonday sun, Abū Isḥāq, and the moon.²

      ʿĪsā ibn Hishām told us that in his dreams he saw three rulers conversing over their meal. As you will see, this is what he dreamed:

       0.1.2

      BUṬRUS (making a show of his refinement, full of good cheer, and feigning elegance) Where, O where, I ask, are those orators of olden times, men of eloquence, poets who could sing paeans of praise, littérateurs who would record people’s names for all time? Where are Ibn al-Walīd and Abū Tammām, Firdawsī and al-Khayyām, Euripides and Homer, Horace and Virgil? Who will record the part we have played in this great victory and our share of the glory? Who will note down the marvelous record in the archives of time and make the white pages of our history glow with stories of the conquest of Sudan, the lands of the blacks? At this moment, the Sirdar³ and we ministers resemble Julius Caesar himself when he sent back from Asia the news of his rapid victory to a Roman senate which must have been much like our own tripartite meeting here. Caesar used just three crisp words: “Veni, vidi, vici.”⁴

      MAẒLŪM (astonished and baffled) Tell me for heaven’s sake, my friend, why on earth are you speaking in Latin? What does it mean?

      BUṬRUS It’s not Latin! It’s pure Arabic. Whenever victories, campaigns, and battles are to be recorded, such are the demands of description and panegyric. But I can describe it for you in another way which might be more appropriate:

      “To your Egypt has her Khartoum been returned.”

      The year 1316.⁵

      Our fortune has been fulfilled, and destiny has come to our aid. The conquest of the Sudan has occurred during our blessed and orderly period in office. Now the tyrant has gone, Maẓlūm. So all praise be to God who has reserved these gifts for us and afforded us such a wonderful conclusion to events!

       0.1.3

      MAẒLŪM (who still seems baffled, like a miser who has just lost a ring on the ground) I can understand that you’re talking about the Sudan. But why this jubilant celebration that’s making you rhapsodize like a soothsayer? What benefit will we Egyptian ministers get from this victorious conquest?

      BUṬRUS (arrogantly) We’ve now become ministers who are in charge of twenty-four million people. That’s the benefit we get from it all. Our names are to be proclaimed over huge areas, and we will have wide dominion in a place where the earth is virgin and the soil is pure gold.

      MAẒLŪM (disdainfully and in utter contempt) The only advantage that I can see would involve us getting a salary raise equivalent to the territorial expansion.

      BUṬRUS (exasperated) God forgive you! How can you talk about a salary increase when people are already criticizing and excoriating us for the little work we do and the piles of money we get for it? Even so, if there’s to be substantial benefit gained from it all, then it will be in shares in English companies which are now at our disposal.

      MAẒLŪM (revealing a set of pearly white teeth) Whom do we know who is au fait with companies and shares?

      BUṬRUS Don’t you realize that those companies will only be able to colonize the country if the Egyptian government gives them permission? As long as the Egyptian flag is flying over the Sudan, you can impose restrictions through the Finance Ministry.

       0.1.4

      FAKHRĪ (distressed) Please don’t mention “flags” in my presence; the very word makes me shudder in horror. As it is, your hopes and expectations and my own anxieties are quite enough. God has willed that I should twice hold ministerial office: once as a real minister for a single day, and once as a deputy minister for several days. When I was a real minister, fate decreed that Egypt was not able to make a single move or change any ministry without consulting the occupying power, and this was recorded in the Blue Book.⁶ When I was a deputy minister, the English flag was raised over the Sudan, as everyone knows full well.

      BUṬRUS (trying to console him and make light of the situation) Calm down, my friend! Some people who have no idea of the difficulties involved may look on your two ministries as you do, but those of us who know the real situation can acknowledge the great expertise that you possess. It’s because of you that this ministry has carried on for so long without incident, that is as long as the occupying powers has been happy with it. But then, it’s so easy for our ministers to keep the occupying forces happy; they’ll stay on forever, as long as the occupation lasts. Actually the English flag was only raised during the memorial service for Gordon and not on the occasion of the annexation of the Sudan to England. There’s nothing for you to be ashamed of on either count; your twin ministries did not cause us any grief.

      MAẒLŪM (leaning forward attentively) Where did you both get the news about the English flag being raised over Khartoum? We haven’t received any official word.

      BUṬRUS From the telegram which the Sirdar sent to the General commanding the occupation army. Then the papers picked it up. As usual, they started denouncing it at length, and so we got to hear about it.

      FAKHRĪ My dear Ministers, can’t you both see how determined and prudent the English are? In everything they do, they abide by the dictum: “To get what you want, make full use of secrecy.” Just like ants crawling noiselessly around, the English run the Egyptian government among themselves in such secrecy that the only way we get to hear about things is when newspapers get information and start croaking. Then people start maligning us by suggesting that we’re involved in the secret sessions too.

      MAẒLŪM Why do we need to know such things as long as the minister among us gets paid his salary?

      FAKHRĪ (with a sigh) How can you possibly know as much about it as I do?! If you’d tasted, as I have, the sweet savor of absolute authority that we had in our ministries before the occupation, you’d realize that being starved of government news, when we are supposed to be in charge, detracts from the respect which simple ignorant people feel for us.

      MAẒLŪM (baffled) What was that sweet savor you used to taste?

       0.1.5

      FAKHRĪ Delegations would crowd your door, and people with petitions would head for your ministry.

      MAẒLŪM (horrified) Stop, stop! Spare me such sweet delights! In actual fact it’s all bitterness and loss.

      FAKHRĪ The horror that you envisage from all those delegations and people with petitions that seem to aggravate you so much are nothing when compared with the pleasure to be gleaned from the way people bow and throw themselves at your feet. They crane their necks to make their pleas and strain their ears to hear a single word from your mouth. I don’t want either shares in companies or a salary raise. I’m quite content with my small house in al-ʿAbbāsiyyah which is like a primitive place in Omdurman when compared with the huge mansions all around it. I’ve no desire to have it lit by electricity, or to have asparagus and chicory on my table. My own worldly pleasures now reside in more spiritual realms.

      MAẒLŪM Your withdrawal from worldly affairs like some ascetic and your obsession with spiritual pleasures gives me the impression that they surpass all other pleasures. So, tell me, how can we find it and make use of what they have to offer?

      FAKHRĪ The days of absolute authority are over. All that remains is for us to hear about what is going on in the government before anyone else. All we can do is to ask God to inspire the occupying power to let us know about our government’s affairs before the newspapers get hold of it.

      EVERYONE Amen to that!

      BUṬRUS (as he takes his leave, he is talking to himself and shrugging his shoulders) This flag business is very serious. It’s a difficult problem to shrug off. But then, we’ve heard and seen a good deal. How often have we managed to save ourselves and others?!

      (Since Buṭrus Paulus

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