The Secret Political Adviser - Michael Spicer

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Two hours in the company of her and her colleagues and you’d be paying to be removed from the table. Perhaps I should provide that as a service? ‘Engaged in a torturous lunch with the leader of this country? For £3,000 I can kidnap you and transfer you to the cloakroom with a bag of crisps and a fizzy drink until she’s gone.’

      Axworthy believe this lunch to be an open goal for the media and have ordered me to stand down until the matter is resolved, which I fully expect it to be. Someone sent me the provisional itinerary for the lunch and it’s pretty clear from the way it scans that Downing Street need us more than we need them.

      12.00: Introduction by Philip Hammond (crispy squid)

      12.25: Protecting jobs with Dominic Raab (compressed watermelon)

      12.50: Modernising the economy with Michael Gove (roasted squab pigeon)

      13.15: Regional productivity with Matt Hancock and Liam Fox (smoked duck and caramelised peach)

      13.45: The business sector with Damian Green (baked aubergine)

      14.10: The future of housing with Liz Truss (torched halibut)

      14.30: The importance of local community with Prime Minister May (apricot jelly)

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