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       Copyright

      Neither the author nor the publisher has any connection with either Jordan Peterson, the author of 12 Rules for Life, or the publisher of that book, and readers must not interpret anything in this book as giving rise to any such connection.

      HarperCollinsPublishers

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published in Australia by Allen & Unwin 2019

      This edition HarperCollinsPublishers 2019

      FIRST EDITION

      © Kitty Flanagan 2019

      Cover design by Tohby Riddle © HarperCollinsPublishers 2019

      Cover illustration © Tohby Riddle

      Internal illustrations by Tohby Riddle

      A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

      Kitty Flanagan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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      Source ISBN: 9780008391836

      Ebook Edition © November 2019 ISBN: 9780008391843

      Version 2019-11-12

       Dedication

       For Marmee

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       Dedication

       A word from the author

       How to use this book

       THE FUNDAMENTAL RULE

       AROUND THE HOME

       HEALTH & LIFESTYLE

       AT THE OFFICE

       LANGUAGE

       PLANES, TRAINS & AUTOMOBILES

       FOOD

       RELATIONSHIPS & DATING

       PARENTING

       FASHION

       AT THE MOVIES

       AT THE SHOPS

       TECHNOLOGY

       SPORT

       PARTIES & CELEBRATIONS

       HOLIDAYS & TRAVEL

       ART & ENTERTAINMENT

       THE FINAL RULE

       Acknowledgements

       About the Author

       Other Books By

       About the Publisher

       A word from the author

      This book started out as a five-minute segment on ABC TV’s The Weekly program, it was inspired by the bestselling book 12 Rules for Life and it was a joke. I took issue with the fact that author, Jordan Peterson, only had twelve rules. Twelve? For life? That’s madness, I have more than twelve rules just for the bathroom.

      After the segment aired, I kept being stopped by people wanting to know where they could buy this book (that didn’t actually exist) called 488 Rules for Life. It was suddenly apparent that I wasn’t the only crackpot out there who loves rules. So I decided to do the book for real. But it’s still a joke. Even I admit that 488 is a lot of rules and obviously no one will like all of the rules, but I’m pretty sure everyone will like some of the rules. And when you do hit a particular rule that resonates, it will make you feel really good—you’ll enjoy the fact that someone else gets as annoyed or outraged or exhausted by the same things you do.

      If, by some chance, you manage to read the entire book and don’t find a single rule you agree with and instead keep thinking, I don’t get why she’s so irritated by people? Why can’t she just live and let live? that’s okay, that’s your prerogative … as long as you understand you are probably really annoying a lot of people around you with your unbearable positivity and your ‘I love everything’ attitude.

      I think, deep down, people are crying out for rules. Once it was commonplace to look to published guides for advice on behaviour, protocol and etiquette. Guides produced by recognised authorities, such as Debrett’s in the United Kingdom and Emily Post in the United States. Even in Australia we had our very own Miss Manners, the formidable June Dally-Watkins—I met her once, she didn’t say hello, she just looked me up and down and told me in no uncertain terms I should never wear a white bra under a white shirt. ‘Always nude, dear, always nude.’

      But these days there is no such guide in circulation, and I believe the rise in rude behaviour and the lack of basic courtesy we are witnessing in the modern world is quite possibly due to ignorance. If you don’t know the rules, how are you supposed to abide by them?

      Which is

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