LITMIR.BIZ

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I have a wonderful life with Diane and out daughter, Nicola – they’re the best family I could ever ask for – but I can’t quite forget what I had with you. It’s just a wish, though, and where does wishing ever get you? I hope you, Simon and Emily are happy in Glasgow; from what you told me, you have a very good life there. I’ll always remember my brief time with you with fondness: it gave me some incredible memories that I’ll never forget. Hope you and Emily are both well. Perhaps one day in the future, I can meet her. One day.

       All my love,

       Derek

      I read the letter over and over again, hoping that would somehow change the words within it. Each time I looked, though, the message was the same. My world cracked and slipped beneath me as I tried to wrap my head around what I’d just seen.

      ‘Who’s Derek?’ My voice came out as a strangled croak because my mouth was so dry. ‘And why were you sending him photos of my birthday party?’

      I looked up at my parents, studying their expressions. Both of them looked utterly devastated. Mum had started to cry, while Dad didn’t know where to put himself.

      ‘Come on, guys, who is he?’ I’d learnt a long time ago never to ask a question I didn’t already know the answer to. I knew exactly who Derek was; there was only one reason Mum would be sending him photographs of me. All I wanted was to hear it from them. Maybe I’d be proven wrong and this nightmare would be over.

      It was Mum who spoke first, as usual. She’d regained some of her composure, but not enough to mask how worried she was.

      ‘Derek is… Emily, he’s—’

      ‘He’s your real father.’ Dad’s voice stabbed the air, none of its usual warmth and humour present. ‘Derek Simpson is your biological father.’

      With that, my neat and ordered world slipped and crumbled around me.

      *

      Of course, I wanted answers. I demanded to be told absolutely everything from start to finish, with no details left out. And, while dessert was being dished up, Mum obliged.

      ‘Just after I married your dad, I went on holiday to visit a friend who lived in a little village in Yorkshire called Luna Bay. It’s a beautiful place, right by the sea. While I was there, I…’ She trailed off to take a sideways glance at Dad, tears sparkling in her eyes. ‘I met a man named Derek Simpson. We, er, became friends, I suppose and… Well, one thing led to another and I found out I was pregnant shortly after I came back to Scotland.’

      Out the corner of my eye, I could see Dad visibly tense up. It was strange to see him be anything other than carefree and happy. Usually, he was telling Mum to calm down if she was flapping about something, or cracking a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

      I rose from my chair and turned to face him. ‘Dad, please tell me this isn’t true.’

      He blinked back tears and stared down at his hands. ‘I’m sorry, Emily…’

      With that, my last shred of hope disappeared. I felt as though I was in some sort of nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I could feel the last twenty-five years unravelling at a rate of knots. The man I’d called Dad my whole life wasn’t my dad. I’d apparently been the product of some ill-fated holiday romance with someone Mum had barely known.

      ‘Emily, you know this doesn’t change anything,’ said Dad. ‘I’ve loved you since the day you were born and nothing will get in the way of that.’

      I nodded, feeling tears welling up inside me. ‘I know, I know… God, I can’t bloody believe this!’

      My knees gave way and I collapsed back onto my chair, throwing my head into my hands. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before? You’ve kept this from me my whole life; didn’t you think I had a right to know who I really am?’

      Mum reached over and put a hand on top of mine. ‘You already know who you are; you’re Emily Louise Reed and, like your dad said, nothing’s going to change that. When I found out I was pregnant, I knew who’d be the best father to you and it certainly wasn’t some man who lived nearly two hundred miles away! It was this man sitting right here. I wanted to give you the best possible life I could and that meant cutting Derek out completely. He’d have been no good to you, sweetheart, believe me.’

      I drew my hand away. ‘Dad’s been amazing and he’ll always be my real dad, but I still had a right to know about this Derek guy. It should’ve been up to me whether to include him in my life, instead of you making the decision for me.’

      Mum stiffened and pursed her lips. ‘Everything you need to know about that man is in those letters. I may have told him it was best to stay away, but he chose to listen. He could’ve ignored all that and come to see you anyway, but he didn’t. He stayed in Luna Bay to protect the perfect life he had there. That’s all you need to know about him, Emily.’

      I got up from my seat again and grabbed the box, shaking a few letters loose onto the dining table. ‘Well, why don’t you let me make my own mind up about that, eh? Just for a change.’

      Before anything else could be said, I stormed out of the flat, taking my box of secrets with me.

      *

      Going through the letters wasn’t an easy task. As far as I could tell, Derek had written one every year on my birthday since I was born, then stopped suddenly a few years ago. By the time the sun rose over Glasgow, I’d read most of them and learnt a great deal about the man I now knew to be my biological father. Mum had been right; traces of him permeated each and every one. I knew he loved the village he lived in, played for the local cricket team and ran a café with his wife, Diane. Yet there was still so much I didn’t know, things that words on a page would never be able to tell me. So, for as much as I’d learnt about Derek Simpson, I still didn’t feel like I knew him at all.

      I slumped into work ten minutes late, feeling like a zombie and clutching my cup of takeaway coffee for dear life. Frankie’s eyes widened with shock when she saw me collapse into my chair.

      ‘God, I knew Reed family dinners were eventful but this is something else! What happened? Did your dad break out the good champagne or something?’ She chuckled good-naturedly but stopped when she saw my scowl. ‘Or not…’

      ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’ I heaved a weary sigh and opened my emails to see if I had any leads to follow up that day. As I tried to look at the screen, the words on it swam in front of me. All I could think about was last night’s revelation.

      Frankie swung her chair round to face me, her keen eyes burning into the side of my head. ‘Try me.’

      I looked at her, wondering whether to unload my burden onto her. A problem shared was a problem halved, after all, but Frankie had a certain flair for the dramatic that didn’t help in some situations.

      In the end, I caved. ‘Last night, my parents chose to tell me that my dad isn’t my biological dad.’

      A curious mixture of expressions crossed my best friend’s face, ranging from shock to disbelief and finally settling on amusement. She let out a loud snort and burst into a fit of giggles.

      ‘It’s not bloody funny!’

      ‘Oh come on, Em! It can’t be true, can it? Your parents are the most solid and stable people I know, plus they’ve been together forever. No way is Simon Reed not your dad!’

      I swallowed hard, trying not to let tears spill out. ‘Well, he isn’t. According to my mum, some bloke called Derek from Yorkshire’s my biological dad.’

      Frankie’s giggly reverie stopped as soon as she saw my face. ‘Oh my God, you’re serious, aren’t you? Emily, I’m so sorry! I… I thought you were messing around.’

      She rolled her chair over to mine and pulled me in for a comforting hug. I sank into her shoulder, not knowing what else to do except cry.

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