LITMIR.BIZ

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       'Hand me Mr. Sapsea's likewise. Surely this is the heaviest of the three.'

       'You'll find 'em much of a muchness, I expect,' says Durdles. 'They all belong to monuments. They all open Durdles's work. Durdles keeps the keys of his work mostly. Not that they're much used.'

       'By the bye,' it comes into Jasper's mind to say, as he idly examines the keys, 'I have been going to ask you, many a day, and have

       always forgotten. You know they sometimes call you Stony Durdles, don't you?'

       'Cloisterham knows me as Durdles, Mr. Jasper.'

       'I am aware of that, of course. But the boys sometimes--'

       'O! if you mind them young imps of boys--' Durdles gruffly interrupts.

       'I don't mind them any more than you do. But there was a discussion the other day among the Choir, whether Stony stood for

       Tony;' clinking one key against another. ('Take care of the wards, Mr. Jasper.')

       'Or whether Stony stood for Stephen;' clinking with a change of keys. ('You can't make a pitch pipe of 'em, Mr. Jasper.')

       'Or whether the name comes from your trade. How stands the fact?'

       Mr. Jasper weighs the three keys in his hand, lifts his head from his idly stooping attitude over the fire, and delivers the keys to Durdles with an ingenuous and friendly face.

       But the stony one is a gruff one likewise, and that hazy state of his is always an uncertain state, highly conscious of its dignity, and prone to take offence. He drops his two keys back into his pocket one by one, and buttons them up; he takes his dinner-bundle from the chair-back on which he hung it when he came in; he distributes the weight he carries, by tying the third key up in it, as though he were an Ostrich, and liked to dine off cold iron; and he gets out of the room, deigning no word of answer.

       Mr. Sapsea then proposes a hit at backgammon, which, seasoned with his own improving conversation, and terminating in a supper of cold roast beef and salad, beguiles the golden evening until pretty late. Mr. Sapsea's wisdom being, in its delivery to mortals, rather of the diffuse than the epigrammatic order, is by no means expended even then; but his visitor intimates that he will come back for more of the precious commodity on future occasions, and Mr. Sapsea lets him off for the present, to ponder on the instal-

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       ment he carries away.

       CHAPTER V--MR. DURDLES AND FRIEND

       John Jasper, on his way home through the Close, is brought to a stand-still by the spectacle of Stony Durdles, dinner-bundle and all, leaning his back against the iron railing of the burial-ground enclosing it from the old cloister-arches; and a hideous small boy in rags flinging stones at him as a well-defined mark in the moonlight. Sometimes the stones hit him, and sometimes they miss him, but Durdles seems indifferent to either fortune. The hideous small boy, on the contrary, whenever he hits Durdles, blows a whistle of triumph through a jagged gap, convenient for the purpose, in the front of his mouth, where half his teeth are wanting; and whenever he misses him, yelps out 'Mulled agin!' and tries to atone for the failure by taking a more correct and vicious aim.

       'What are you doing to the man?' demands Jasper, stepping out into the moonlight from the shade.

       'Making a cock-shy of him,' replies the hideous small boy.

       'Give me those stones in your hand.'

       'Yes, I'll give 'em you down your throat, if you come a-ketching hold of me,' says the small boy, shaking himself loose, and backing.

       'I'll smash your eye, if you don't look out!'

       'Baby-Devil that you are, what has the man done to you?'

       'He won't go home.'

       'What is that to you?'

       'He gives me a 'apenny to pelt him home if I ketches him out too late,' says the boy. And then chants, like a little savage, half stumbling and half dancing among the rags and laces of his dilapidated boots:--

       'Widdy widdy wen! I--ket--ches--Im--out--ar--ter--ten, Widdy widdy wy! Then--E--don't--go--then--I--shy-- Widdy Widdy Wake-cock warning!'

       --with a comprehensive sweep on the last word, and one more delivery at Durdles.

       This would seem to be a poetical note of preparation, agreed upon, as a caution to Durdles to stand clear if he can, or to betake himself homeward.

       John Jasper invites the boy with a beck of his head to follow him (feeling it hopeless to drag him, or coax him), and crosses to the iron railing where the Stony (and stoned) One is profoundly meditating.

       'Do you know this thing, this child?' asks Jasper, at a loss for a word that will define this thing.

       'Deputy,' says Durdles, with a nod.

       'Is that its--his--name?'

       'Deputy,' assents Durdles.

       'I'm man-servant up at the Travellers' Twopenny in Gas Works Garding,' this thing explains. 'All us man-servants at Travellers' Lodgings is named Deputy. When we're chock full and the Travellers is all a-bed I come out for my 'elth.' Then withdrawing into the road, and taking aim, he resumes:--

       'Widdy widdy wen! I--ket--ches--Im--out--ar--ter--'

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       'Hold your hand,' cries Jasper, 'and don't throw while I stand so near him, or I'll kill you! Come, Durdles; let me walk home with you

       to-night. Shall I carry your bundle?'

       'Not on any account,' replies Durdles, adjusting it. 'Durdles was making his reflections here when you come up, sir, surrounded by his works, like a poplar Author.--Your own brother-in-law;' introducing a sarcophagus within the railing, white and cold in the moonlight. 'Mrs. Sapsea;' introducing the monument of that devoted wife. 'Late Incumbent;' introducing the Reverend Gentleman's broken column. 'Departed Assessed Taxes;' introducing a vase and towel, standing on what might represent the cake of soap. 'For-mer pastrycook and Muffin-maker, much respected;' introducing gravestone. 'All safe and sound here, sir, and all Durdles's work.

       Of the common folk, that is merely bundled up in turf and brambles, the less said the better. A poor lot, soon forgot.'

       'This creature, Deputy, is behind us,' says Jasper, looking back. 'Is he to follow us?'

       The relations between Durdles and Deputy are of a capricious kind; for, on Durdles's turning himself about with the slow gravity of

       beery suddenness, Deputy makes a pretty wide circuit into the road and stands on the defensive.

       'You never cried Widdy Warning before you begun to-night,' says Durdles, unexpectedly reminded of, or imagining, an injury.

       'Yer lie, I did,' says Deputy, in his only form of polite contradiction.

       'Own brother, sir,' observes Durdles, turning himself about again, and as unexpectedly forgetting his offence as he had recalled or conceived it; 'own brother to Peter the Wild Boy! But I gave him an object in life.'

       'At which he takes aim?' Mr. Jasper suggests.

       'That's it, sir,' returns Durdles, quite satisfied; 'at which he takes aim. I took him in hand and gave him an object. What was he be-fore? A destroyer. What work did he do? Nothing but destruction. What did he earn by it? Short terms in Cloisterham jail. Not a person, not a piece of property, not a winder, not a horse, nor a dog, nor a cat, nor a bird, nor a fowl, nor a pig, but what he stoned, for want of an enlightened object. I put that enlightened object before him, and now he can turn his honest halfpenny by the three penn'orth a week.'

       'I wonder he has no competitors.'

       'He has plenty, Mr. Jasper, but he stones 'em all away. Now, I don't know what this scheme of mine comes to,' pursues Durdles, considering about it with the same sodden gravity; 'I don't know what you may precisely call it. It ain't a sort of a--scheme of a-- National Education?'

       'I should say not,' replies Jasper.

       'I should say not,' assents Durdles; 'then we won't try to give it a name.'

       'He still keeps behind us,' repeats Jasper, looking

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