LITMIR.BIZ

      Dedication

      For all the courageous hearts.

      Epigraph

      “I only ask to be free. The butterflies are free.”

      — Charles Dickens

      Chapter One

      Leah Sampson couldn’t wait for the day to end. Twelve straight hours on the phone talking students through school jitters, boyfriend troubles, and suicidal thoughts was enough to make anyone go mad. Whoever said this generation had their shit together was dreaming in Technicolor. The problems she’d worked this lot through today had left her drained. A glass of Pinot, bowl of chocolate ice cream, and soak in a hot tub were long past due.

      She turned her head as Wolf skirted past her desk to flop onto the couch positioned under a line of grimy windows. Darkness pressed against the glass and she glanced at her watch. Ten to nine. Ten more minutes and she’d be on her way home.

      She tuned back into the girl’s voice droning into her ear and waited for her to take a breath. “If he threatens to hit you again, call me back,” Leah said. “We’ll talk further about your options. It’ll be time to decide whether you want to make a change. Yes, call anytime. We’re always here to help you through.”

      She wearily hung up and looked across at Wolf, his long legs stretched out on the floor in front of him. His eyes were closed.

      “What have you got on for tonight?” he asked.

      A question inside of a question. He was really asking if she’d ended the affair. Had she stopped slinking around behind his back?

      She couldn’t risk him finding out what she’d done. Not yet.

      “I’m going home, alone, and putting my feet up,” she said, using both hands to refasten the clip that held her long hair away from her face. “And I’ll be in the library writing a paper tomorrow, so no chance of getting into trouble.”

      Wolf’s eyes flashed open; expressive green orbs flecked with gold. They were half of the reason why he’d been nicknamed a member of the animal kingdom. The other half lay in his mane of brown hair and full beard. She could have added his animal fierceness in bed, but that was an observation she’d attempted to seal away in her memory bank. Some days with more success than others.

      He nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’ll walk you out if you’re ready.”

      She glanced at her watch again. Four minutes after nine. “Where the hell is Gail? She’s taking over the line from me and late as usual.”

      “Getting a coffee. She’ll be back in a few.”

      “I can’t leave until she gets here.”

      “I’ll wait.”

      With blessed kindness, the phone remained silent until Gail traipsed in at a quarter past. Leah grimaced in her direction, but Gail ignored the rebuke just as she ignored most subtleties in life. Spiky red hair, round face, and rounder body littered with cartoon character tattoos and piercings, her style was as unapologetic as her character. Yet, Leah had to admit that Gail had a way with the callers; an empathy one couldn’t fake.

      Gail balanced a coffee cup in one hand and a biology text and iPad under her arm. “How’re our loonies doing today?” she asked. “I hope they had the grace to call you and didn’t save up their anxieties for my shift.”

      “Nice,” said Wolf, rubbing a hand through his beard. “If callers knew the sensitive face of Queen’s University at the other end of the help line, they might think twice about sharing their secrets with you.”

      “I’m just talking about the repeat loonies who wallow in messes of their own making.” Gail dropped into the swivel chair newly vacated by Leah and scattered her possessions across the desk. “Thank God for the rule never to meet any of them. Can you imagine?”

      “The regulars have all phoned in this afternoon, I think,” Leah said. “Some more than once.” She grabbed her cellphone from the desk. “We’re off then.” She turned her head so that Wolf didn’t see her face. He’d know she was hiding something. He had a sixth sense when it came to her and lying.

      They exited their office in the limestone house sandwiched next to the student centre on University Avenue. A cool breeze had come up from the direction of Lake Ontario and the air smelled of rain, dank, fecund vegetation, and earth worms. The fall semester had only begun four weeks ago, but the student problems never took a break. Summer, fall, winter, spring — each season had its own emotional issues. Leah noticed the asphalt was wet in the circle of light under a streetlamp. She shivered in her light T-shirt and denim skirt. Late September had brought in a welcome Indian summer. It had been a hot day when she left for work that morning. She hadn’t thought to bring a jacket.

      Wolf walked on the road side. He told her one night in bed that they’d been taught how to treat a girl in gym class: walk closest to the oncoming traffic, hold the door open, wear a condom. He’d taken it all to heart.

      She’d been hurt at first when he ended their relationship. Hurt that he’d doubted her, then anger that finally resolved itself into acceptance. She’d been shocked when he told her the month before that he knew she was having an affair. It was exactly the wrong time for him to accuse her. He’d pressed for a name and she’d refused. Predictably, he’d made the leap that she was protecting a married man. She hadn’t denied it, not even when Wolf told her they had to take a break from each other. It still made her chest constrict and her eyes burn to think he didn’t want her anymore, that he could doubt her so easily. They reached a truce after a few weeks of not speaking. Now she was grateful for his brotherly presence in her life. It meant he might still come around and become something more. She just needed a bit more time.

      “I’ve handed in my notice to Mark,” he said.

      She stopped walking. “I hope it wasn’t because of my …”

      “No,” he interrupted quickly. “Our breakup had nothing to do with my decision. I just think it’s time I got into the field. I’ve accepted a job with the Kingston Public School Board that starts next semester. I’m heading out west for a few weeks first.”

      She caught up to him. “Then you’ll come back to Kingston.” For a moment, she’d feared losing him altogether.

      “For now.” He turned his head sideways and grinned at her. “I’ll have an office, but will travel to different schools to work with the kids.”

      “You’ll be terrific. I’m jealous.”

      “When you finish next year, I can put a word in for you too.”

      “I’m not sure this kind of work is for me. I’ve had doubts lately.”

      “It’s the first you’ve said.”

      “It’s just all the pain, you know? People and their problems that never get resolved. I think they’ve finally worn me out.”

      Wolf reached an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. She let herself relax against him for a moment before pushing him away.

      “I’m just thinking about it, okay? No decision yet.”

      “Don’t do anything rash. You’re good at helping people, even if the results aren’t always obvious. You have empathy.”

      “I just can’t distance myself.” Some of their troubles hit too close to home. She wanted to tell him about what she’d done, but couldn’t bring herself to yet. She’d crossed lines, but wouldn’t drag in anybody else. Still, her actions proved she wasn’t professional enough for this field of work.

      Wolf

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