Listen My Son - Dwight Longenecker

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modern ideas of equality. Too often when we speak of equality we assume the lowest common denominator and reduce every individual to that degrading standard. Modern equality often means nothing more than drab uniformity. Too often ‘equality’ really means no one is permitted to excel. When Benedict speaks of not having favourites he is not endorsing a society of mindless fashion clones.

      Instead, each monk is to be treated with an equal amount of love and attention. One is not favoured, because all are favoured. The loving abba recognizes in each one of his charges a unique, precious child of God with a set of gifts and needs like no other. He has no favourites because they cannot be compared. Each one is different and requires a unique blend of attention and delight.

      So it must be in the home. It is difficult not to favour one child over another. One may be blessed with a sweet and loving nature while another is troubled with a sour and disagreeable disposition. We need grace to see in each one a special challenge to our love. Often the most troublesome people are the most gifted. Can we see the hidden abilities and gifts within the troublesome child? Are we aware of the faults which may lie hidden under the sweet demeanour of that favourite? The wise and loving father looks beyond the outward appearance and treats each member of the family with a blend of discipline and love which is just right for them. This may be an impossible ideal to attain, but we must always aim for the target – even if we often miss.

      January 13

      May 14

      September 13

      CHAPTER II

      WHAT KIND OF MAN THE

      ABBOT SHOULD BE (D)

       In his teaching the Abbot should always observe the method of the Apostle, ‘Employ arguments, appeals and rebukes.’ He must behave differently at different times, sometimes using threats, sometimes encouragement. He must show the tough attitude of a master, and also the loving affection of a father. Thus he should sternly reprimand the undisciplined and unruly, but entreat the obedient, the meek and the patient to go forward in virtue; as for the careless and the scornful, we instruct him to rebuke and correct them. He should not pretend that he does not see the faults of offenders, but remember the danger overhanging Eli, priest of Shiloh and, as best he can, he should cut them out by the roots as soon as they begin to show themselves. He should correct upright and intelligent minds with verbal admonitions once or twice, but the shameless, the thick-skinned and the proud or disobedient, he should repress at the very beginning of their sinful ways with the corporal punishment of blows, bearing in mind what is written, ‘The fool is not corrected by words,’ and again, ‘Strike your son with the rod and you will deliver his soul from death.’

      Benedict encourages the kind of equality which treats everyone equally while recognizing that they are not the same. How to do this can be summed up in one sentence from today's reading: He [the abbot] must show the tough attitude of a master, and also the loving affection of a father’. He must behave differently at different times with ‘arguments, appeals and rebukes (2 Tim. 4.2): he needs to use both threats and encouragement.

      As usual, Benedict's advice is simple, profound and full of common sense. He will give more detail about monastic discipline in the so-called ‘penal code’ of chapters 21–30, but here Benedict lays down some important foundation principles. First of all the abbot understands that discipline is not primarily to maintain communal order, but to build character. He will therefore focus on the faults of the individual and root them out like noxious weeds. Secondly, he will do this as soon as possible lest they grow up into bad characteristics which dominate the personality and handicap the person's social, mental and spiritual progress. Finally, the type and amount of discipline should be appropriate for each person's unique personality.

      To establish these basic principles of discipline in the home requires us to be disciplined ourselves. Firstly, if we understand that discipline is not just to maintain order but to build character, then we will sometimes have to discipline our children even if what they are doing is not particularly disruptive or naughty. It is also difficult to root out the fault at its first appearance since faults often first show themselves in ways that seem rather harmless or ‘cute’. But failure to recognize the fault and do something about it doesn't solve the problem: it only delays it, giving the weed time to grow into a plant which is too deeply rooted to be pulled out at all. Furthermore, when we fail to treat our children's faults in the first instance with measured and mild discipline, we are more likely to be reduced at some later stage to the frustration, violence and anger which we will regret, and which will only serve to compound the child's fault with resentment and rebellion.

      January 14

      May 15

      September 14

      CHAPTER II

      WHAT KIND OF MAN THE

      ABBOT SHOULD BE (E)

       The Abbot should always bear in mind what he is; he should bear in mind what he is called; and let him realise that more is demanded of him to whom more is entrusted. He must realise also how difficult and arduous is the task he has undertaken, that of ruling souls and serving men of many different characters; one, indeed, to be encouraged, another to be rebuked, another persuaded, each according to his nature and intelligence. Thus he must adapt and fit himself to all, so that not only will he not lose any of the flock entrusted to him, but he will rejoice as his good flock increases.

      The abbot and the father must always remember who they are and what they are called. They are called ‘father’ because God has shared with them the power of creation and entrusted them with the care of eternal human souls. This is a high calling, and one which should never be underestimated. One of the problems with modern life is that people have lost a sense of vocation. So many men support their families with anonymous jobs in huge government departments or large corporations. There is constant pressure to produce small results which are subsumed into the larger product. There is little satisfaction; the only reward is financial, and because the job seems meaningless too many men seek meaning by racing after the promise of promotion or higher pay. But this is an empty pursuit.

      Instead the vocation of fatherhood is the one area where modern men can reclaim a sense of meaning in life. This means making our job as father the highest priority in life after our dedication to God himself. If we heed Benedict's advice always to remember that we are fathers and to remember the calling God has given, then a sense of vocation and meaning will come flooding back into our lives.

      This will also help our marriages. Women often complain of the drudgery of housekeeping and the loneliness of looking after the children all the time. But this complaint is not so much that the women must stay at home and look after the children, but that they feel they are doing so with no help, no encouragement and little interest from their husband. So, quite fairly, women look for an escape from the monotony and loneliness of being ‘just a housewife’.

      But if their husband's priorities shifted and they both placed their marriage and their parenting as the highest priority, many of the problems would be solved. You could sum it up by saying that a woman's place is in the home, only if the man's place is there too.

      And if the abba's first priority is his home and family, then Benedict also tells us more about how to handle the children in his care. The abba must become ‘all things to all men’ (1 Cor. 9.22), adapting himself and his style of training to each of his different children. This job is not easy. It requires confidence, and enough strength of character to be constantly growing and learning. Entering fully into the demands of fatherhood is precisely how that growth and learning can take place.

      January 15

      May 16

      September 15

      CHAPTER II

      WHAT KIND OF MAN THE

      ABBOT SHOULD

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