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Twenty-One

      The party was in full swing by the time Lauren got there. Kezzie had invited several of the committee, and Eileen was talking enthusiastically about the work that had been done.

      ‘Have you seen what these young people have achieved?’ she was saying. ‘The gardens haven’t looked this good in years.’

      Lauren took the girls’ hands and wandered through the throng to find Kezzie pouring drinks in the kitchen and talking nineteen to the dozen. She seemed a bit merry already when Lauren said hello, but soon composed herself and pointed Lauren in the direction of the garden so the girls could run around.

      Lauren got drinks for the girls and headed outside. Kezzie had lit up the garden with fairy lights, strategically placed among the bushes, and set her garden chairs out on the patio in between the planters, which Kezzie had recently planted up with heartsease, primula and a few petunias. It looked lovely.

      ‘Ooh pretty,’ said the girls, clapping their hands in delight. They were pleased to find Sam toddling outside, watched by an eagle-eyed Joel. She was pleased to see him too. Too often these days their exchanges were fleeting.

      ‘Where’s Troy?’

      ‘I’ve no idea,’ said Lauren, feeling put out that that should be the first thing Joel asked. It felt like she’d not seen Joel for ages, and she’d been looking forward to a proper chat. ‘Why should I?’

      ‘Oh. I thought you’d have come with him,’ said Joel.

      ‘Why would I do that?’ said Lauren, slightly puzzled. What on earth was Joel getting at?

      ‘It’s just that you seem joined at the hip these days,’ said Joel.

      ‘What?’ Now Lauren was really bewildered.

      ‘Just – I thought—’ Joel’s voice trailed off. ‘Never mind what I thought.’

      ‘Oh my God. You think Troy and I are back together,’ said Lauren, the penny dropping. She felt furious that Joel would assume such a thing, conveniently forgetting that in moments of weakness this didn’t seem such a bad idea. ‘Well, I can assure you categorically that we’re not.’

      ‘He just seems to be around such a lot,’ said Joel. ‘I was worried about you. And I just assumed …’

      ‘Well don’t,’ said Lauren. ‘Don’t assume.’

      There was an angry silence. Lauren was infuriated that Joel of all people should be interfering in her life.

      ‘I can look after myself you know,’ said Lauren.

      ‘I’m not saying you can’t,’ said Joel. ‘I was just worried that given your past with Troy, he might muck you around again. I care about you, Lauren – as a friend. I’d hate to see that.’

      ‘Well, a) Troy is the father of my children, so of course I will be seeing a lot of him,’ said Lauren, ‘and b) it is possible for a person to change you know, and c) it’s none of your damned business.’

      ‘I’m sorry,’ said Joel, looking wretched. ‘I only want to help. I’m not sure that Troy is all that good for you.’

      Lauren’s fury erupted. ‘You’re not jealous, are you? My God. I actually think you are. Come on girls, we’re going home.’

      ‘But we want to play with Sam,’ said the girls.

      ‘Five minutes,’ said Lauren. ‘And then we have to go.’

      She glared at Joel, who looked back at her, unhappily. Why did he have to go and ruin things?

      At 9 p.m. Joel decided to call it a day. Sam had crashed in his buggy and Lauren, the only person he really wanted to talk to, had long since gone. He’d tried to apologize again, but she wouldn’t have it. He was aware that in his misery, he’d probably had a bit too much to drink. Whoops. Drunk in charge of a toddler. At least he’d had the sense to walk; he should be able to make it home in one piece.

      Joel was usually so circumspect with his drinking, worrying ever since Claire had died that if he got in the habit of drinking heavily he would be in trouble. But Lauren had rattled him tonight. It was as though a veil had been drawn from his eyes. Lauren was right. He was, he realized, very jealous. While Kezzie had come along like a catalyst, to open up his eyes to the fact that he could start to live again, he suddenly understood that all along there’d been someone special right under his nose.

      Lauren was the one person who’d been there for him more than anyone else since Claire died. She’d loved Claire too, and in the early days she had patiently listened to him talking endlessly about her. She had been great with Sam too, treating him like one of her own children. How could he have been so blind? All this time he’d had lots of short and unfulfilling flings, and there had been the possibility of happiness there, right under his nose. He wondered if it was too late to persuade Lauren that what she needed right now in her life was him.

      ‘What do you think I should do, Sammy boy?’ he said to his sleeping son, as he squeezed the buggy past the street lights outside Lauren’s house. The lights in Lauren’s house were still on; Troy was still at the party. Sam dozed contentedly in the buggy.

      ‘You’re right, I should tell her,’ said Joel. ‘Faint heart, never won fair lady.’ Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell.

      Lauren came to the door.

      ‘Oh. It’s you.’

      This wasn’t exactly the answer he was hoping for.

      ‘May I come in?’ said Joel. ‘I won’t be long. I’ve got to get Sam off to bed.’

      ‘All right,’ said Lauren.

      ‘I’m sorry about earlier,’ he said. ‘You’re right. What you and Troy get up to is none of my business.’

      ‘Too right it’s not,’ said Lauren.

      ‘It’s just – well – you were also right about something else.’

      ‘Oh?’

      ‘Yes.’ Joel felt his palms sweating. Lauren’s body language was hostile to say the least. She didn’t exactly seem enthusiastic about him being there, but he ploughed on.

      ‘I am jealous. I’ve been a bloody idiot and never seen it before. But, Lauren, you’re lovely. You’ve been wonderful to me and Sam. And I think I’m in love with you.’

      To his dismay, Lauren burst out laughing.

      ‘Now I’ve heard it all,’ she said. ‘You mean, you’re in love with the idea of me being a mum to Sam and looking after you. Go home, Joel. You’ve had too much to drink. I’ll see you on Monday and we’ll forget this conversation ever took place.’

      ‘Relight my fire!’ Kezzie was warbling with Flick. She was having a great time. She’d forgotten how much fun she’d had with her mates, and how much she missed them. She’d discussed the Richard situation with Flick endlessly, and they’d agreed there was probably no way back now; the thought made her feel bleak and lonely.

      ‘May I steal my lovely girlfriend?’ Gavin appeared by her side and whisked Flick away to dance.

      Kezzie sighed. Much as she loved Gavin and Flick it was tough being around such happy couples when your own love life was so disastrous, no matter how much you loved them. She’d even seen Eileen and Tony, who were rather coy about their friendship, disappear off together.

      Feeling sorry for herself, and hit by a sudden low, she wandered out to the garden to roll herself a joint. She’d promised Lauren she wouldn’t smoke around the kids, but they’d gone home some time ago. One couldn’t hurt, and it would soothe her fractious nerves. Kezzie sat down on the bench and rolled herself a spliff. She took a deep puff and sat back with her eyes shut, before exhaling slowly. Oh the glory of that first puff. Immediately she felt her worries recede and a calmness

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