LITMIR.BIZ

      Prologue

      Dateline: July 1

      To: Beau Morrison Correspondent, World News International

      Magazine c/o Istanbul News Desk Micromini cassette tape No. 1

      Hey, Uncle Beau! It’s me, your favorite nephew, Brady. And I bet you can’t guess, not in a million, kazillion years, how come I’m sending this tape to you.

      The reason is—I found her! I finally found the most perfect, awesome mom in the world for me and Nick and Mikey! And I bet you’re gonna be real happy, ‘cuz it’s your friend, Shay, who you sent to stay at your cottage!

      She’s so cool, Uncle Beau.

      You won’t believe what happened the first time I met her. The Prune Face—that’s our new nanny—invited Shay to come swimming at the pool. And when Shay did, Leonardo, my lizard, crawled into her beach bag to take a little nap.

      I’m telling you, Uncle Beau, me and Nick and Mikey waited a trillion years for her to stick her hand in there. And when she finally did, we waited another bazillion for her to scream and stuff.

      Only she didn’t. She just took out her suntan lotion and leaned back in her chair and said, “Did I tell you boys about the time your uncle and I did a story on the Amazon? The natives there made the best lizard stew. Maybe you’d like to come by the cottage tonight and try some?”

      Of course, Mikey started to cry. So then the Prune wanted to know what was going on. Only Shay didn’t tell. She just smiled and gave Mikey a hug and told him not to worry. And she told the Prune it was all a mistake and then waited until the Prune wasn’t looking to give Leo back.

      That’s when I knew Shay was the one, Uncle Beau. But just to make sure—picking a new mom is a really important job, you know—I’ve been checking her out.

      Guess what? She’s better than perfect.

      She doesn’t faint at the sight of blood or get mad if her hair gets wet or her clothes get dirty. She likes dogs, cats, rats and gerbils, and she isn’t afraid of snakes or spiders. And she knows lots of mom stuff. Like how come your fingers get wrinkled in the bathtub, the difference between a T. rex and a pterodactyl, that chocolate chip cookies make owies feel better and even how to do the Heimlich maneuver! But best of all, she doesn’t talk to me or Nick or Mikey like we’re dumb little kids, even if sometimes Mikey is one.

      I thought about what you said—about how Daddy might not want to get married again. But the thing is, Uncle Beau, he’s never home, so why should he care, anyway? Right now, he’s in dumb old Florida buying another resort, and even though we talk on the phone, it’s not the same as having him here. Sometimes I don’t think he remembers Nick and Mikey are still little kids. I mean, I’m almost nine so I can take care of myself, but they need somebody to watch out for them.

      That’s why I made a plan. I call it Operation Mommy, and I just know it’s gonna work. As soon as Mrs. Rosencrantz, our housekeeper, leaves for her vacation, I’m gonna get rid of the Prune so me and Nick and Mikey will be all alone. Shay will have to take care of us then, and Daddy will be so worried he’ll come right home. When he gets here I’m gonna have candles and flowers and music, and Shay will have on a real pretty dress. Daddy will think she’s beautiful, and be so-o-o glad she took such good care of us, he’ll ask her to marry him. And of course she’ll say yes!

      It’s gonna be perfect, only I hope they don’t kiss all the time and—

      Oops, the Prune is yelling again. She says I need to come Right this minute. Maybe she found the green food coloring we put in her face lotion....

      I love you, Uncle Beau, only don’t tell anybody I said so, ‘kay? I promise I’ll send another tape soon to tell you how everything goes.

      This is me, Brady P. Morrison, signing off.

      P.S. I think my birthday—it’s August 2, just in case you forgot—would be perfect for the wedding. How about you?