LITMIR.BIZ

       Chapter Five

      Cumberland Street, Edinburgh Sunday 23 December, 12.30 a.m.

      The point of the stiletto blade nicked the underside of my chin. A dewdrop of blood dribbled down my neck. This couldn’t be happening. Please God, don’t let this be happening. Pure panic controlled my body. I wanted to scream but I was shamefully afraid. The knife meandered down my throat, slicing open the cosy grey tee shirt I loved to sleep in. It had once, in happier times, belonged to Joe. Darkness hid the face of my torturer but I knew who it was, and he wanted me dead.

      The pain was slicing through me as he traced spirals with the blade. Opening my mouth wide to scream, a disappointing squeak came out. Gripping handfuls of the sheet, I tried to push myself up the bed. Perhaps if I could sit up, I’d be able to fight back. He second-guessed me and dug the point of the blade into my carotid artery. It danced as my pulse raced. I imagined a slow smile crossing his face. How had he gained entry? I’d recently been robbed and I’d installed new security; they promised me I was as safe as the Bank of Scotland.

      I didn’t believe them and I hadn’t shared their faith. The satisfaction of being right did nothing for me. I-told-you-so doesn’t cut it when you’re staring death in the face. I refused to expire pitifully in silence so I shouted for the first person I could think of through the fear – Joe. I knew he wouldn’t make it in time but just saying his name made me feel better. At least I’d found the strength to call on him, I reflected as his name rang out through my bedroom. Then my reality shifted. I woke up. Sweat had drenched the tee shirt but otherwise it was undamaged; just another horrible dream and a lingering feeling that the man I needed wasn’t there.

      I swung my feet over the side of the bed, and my toes landed in leftover pizza. The empty bottles of lager showed me just how much punishment I’d inflicted on my poor body – but I’d live. The phone was ringing in the hall. In an effort to get a good night’s sleep, I’d disconnected the one on the bedside table. Last night had obviously been a night of great decisions. I swore under my breath and trampled on the mound of clothes lying in a heap on the floor, smearing tomato sauce and cold mozzarella cheese on the LBD I’d bought last week from Harvey Nicks. Three hundred and fifty pounds I’d paid in the pre-Xmas sale, and now it looked like a window rag. The phone had stopped ringing. I surveyed the bombsite that was my room. My flatmate (and assistant) Louisa had called me Scrooge and then insisted on setting up a fibre-optic Christmas tree; its garish colours threw a macabre glow on the scene and didn’t add anything remotely positive.

      Stumbling across to the dressing table I picked up a photograph. Why hadn’t I just thrown it out? The frame was a plastic snow dome; in the centre of the snowstorm Glasgow Joe had a huge grin on his face as he held me in a bear hug. He smiled like a prizewinner. We were on top of the Empire State building – I should have guessed what was coming when he took me there seven months ago. Bizarrely, Glasgow Joe adores the film Sleepless in Seattle.

      Naturally, he’d taken me there to propose.

      Again.

      Being reasonably sane, I said no – on reflection, I did more than just say ‘no’. My exact reply went something along the lines of ‘when Hell freezes over.’ On the picture, I traced the contours of his face with my finger. It was the closest I had intended to get to the real thing, no matter how much Lavender pushed and shoved. It wasn’t that I didn’t love Joe, or even, God help me, not love him in that way. There were bigger problems this time – Joe wanted a baby. If there was one thing I knew, it was that there was bad blood in me, and that bloodline needed to stop when my candle snuffed.

      It wasn’t just the need for a baby that had changed him in the past year or so. Joe’s paternal streak had been manageable until he met Connie – then he’d fallen hook, line and sinker. Nothing but the best for Connie. He was reliving our childhood, except that now he had money. Eddie and Joe had stepped in to manage the football team when none of the fathers would do it, and there was constant bullying until Lothian and St Clair provided the strips. Naturally, Connie had wanted to be sponsored by Joe’s pub, the Rag Doll, but Joe and Eddie didn’t feel that gave ‘their girls’ the appropriate image.

      The phone started to ring again. Whoever was calling was bloody persistent. Normally it would be annoying, but tonight I needed the diversion.

      I knew who it would be. When Lavender got engaged she insisted I employ him full time. He needed a regular wage and I – apparently – needed to get a life. Now that I had someone to share the custodies with, I wasn’t on call 24/7. In fact, Eddie did more than his fair share, and, as Lavender made up the work rota, it meant one of two things – either she had gone off Eddie and wanted him out of the house as often as possible or, alternatively, she wanted me to make Eddie a partner. It didn’t take a genius to figure out which one she was angling for. Which was just as well, because by the time I reached the telephone my head was beginning to thud.

      ‘Brodie?’

      It was a voice I knew well. My heart sank. Trouble was in the offing. No one makes social calls past midnight. I’d expected St Leonards police station, the central holding station for the city, and I’d got Malcolm. I didn’t bother to ask him what it was; he was hysterical and not in a mood to listen, preferring to blurt everything out. ‘Derek’s been arrested and it’s all my fault,’ he gasped through tears. Dismal Derek is Malcolm’s partner. At fifteen years his junior, and although no spring chicken himself, Derek has played Malcolm for a fool. I doubted very much that Malcolm was to blame for Derek’s incarceration. Another thing I knew for sure was the last lawyer Derek would ask for would be me.

      ‘What happened?’ I asked, thankful he couldn’t see me rolling my eyes, and almost smiling at the irony that all calls would lead to St Leonards after all.

      ‘We had a tiff.’ Malcolm sounded embarrassed, which was just as well because I suspected he was underplaying what had gone on. He knew my views on domestic abuse – abusers aren’t looking for a marriage licence, they need a dog licence. He started to sob, big heart-rending sobs. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me up there in the cold early hours of the morning holding his hand and telling him everything was going to be all right.

      ‘Hold on. I’m coming,’ I told him.

      ‘Brodie, I came out in such a rush I forgot my angina tablets, I phoned Moses and he’s picked them up. I said you’d stop and collect them.’

      ‘Okay, keep calm … I’m coming.’

      I owed Malcolm big time; he’d patched me up physically and mentally on more than one occasion. I needed to get to St Leonards quickly but I’d never get a taxi at this time of the night or year. I pulled back the curtains and saw the cobbles shining with ice. Despite that, I still decided to take the Fat Boy. This decision was influenced by the fact I could see exactly where my leathers were. I stumbled around, pulling on my trousers, and accidentally bumped into one of the grotesque decorations Louisa had put in my room – a fat dancing Santa. A nasally sound that was meant to be Elvis singing ‘Lonely This Christmas’ echoed around the room.

      That finally got the attention of the man in my bed. He sat up and scratched his head.

      ‘Please tell me we did?’ he said – though it was clear from the look on his face that he remembered all too well.

      Jack Deans was back in town.