LITMIR.BIZ

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closed the door and the room fell silent. That was the beauty of having soundproof doors. His mother had insisted on it, telling him she didn’t want to ‘hear her baby shagging the whole of bleeding Soho.’ Johnny smiled sadly to himself, knowing the reality wasn’t so simple.

      Yes, he’d shagged about. Who hadn’t? But since Maggie he’d only had the odd indiscretion, mainly caused by going on one of his legendaries. But even if his dick had gone astray now and again, his heart never had. He’d always had it firmly in one place; with Maggie.

      The day they got married had been the best day of his life. They’d travelled to Birmingham. The weather had been shit and if he remembered rightly the only way the strangers they’d asked to be witnesses could’ve been less interested in the wedding ceremony was if they’d been dead, but it hadn’t mattered to him or Maggie. Even if immediately after the service they’d both had to go their separate ways. For him, who’d never put himself in the category of being romantic and had always pulled a face when Saucers set off on her romantic bandwagon, it’d been a magical day.

      Johnny snorted out loud at the word magical. He was being soft and it was pointless reminiscing as if he was Soho’s answer to Omar Sharif, especially when he’d fucked things up so expertly with Harley.

      He could understand how Maggie felt about their daughter being with Gina, but what he hadn’t understood was when she’d told him about Harley being in rags. He’d been forking out hundreds of pounds a week for her upkeep and even though there was always plenty of money around from the clubs and the hookers his dad ran, Frankie always made him accountable for every penny he took.

      It’d started to get harder and harder to get the money past his dad, and even though he hadn’t said anything, Johnny had a feeling he was starting to get suspicious. Saucers had even told him Frankie had accused one of the clip joint girls behind the bar of siphoning money. There’d been no fall to take, but if it’d come down to it, Johnny had a feeling he would’ve let the girl take the blame rather than even attempt to tell his father what he’d needed the money for.

      His father was everything to him and he’d always given him everything he wanted. Money and love had all come to him in abundance, so Johnny hated having to keep part of his life a secret. He would’ve given anything for his parents to embrace the situation, but he knew it was impossible.

      There’d been the odd time where he’d brought up the Donaldsons in conversation, steering it towards Maggie, hoping to hear something other than vitriol directed towards the whole family. But he never did. It was always the same. ‘Why are you bothering your head over that lot, Johnny?’ His mother would say to him.

      ‘No reason. I was just thinking, maybe they’re all not bad … Perhaps the girl, Maggie I think her name is, perhaps she’s different to the rest of them.’

      His father would snort scornfully. ‘Different? How could she be bleeding different? When you’ve been brought up by scum Johnny, that’s what you are. Scum. They’re animals the whole lot of them.’

      And that’s how it always went. No room, no opportunity to plead his and Maggie’s case. His family’s mind was made up. The hatred ran fast and deep for the Donaldsons. And it was clear to Johnny that there would be nothing he could say or do to ever change that.

      Johnny’s phone rang. Although the caller ID was hidden, he decided to answer it anyway.

      ‘Yup.’

      Johnny listened to the person on the other end. It was Sheila Donaldson. And he was completely thrown by it. Never before had she called him – never before would she have risked it. So he continued to listen to the voice which was full of anxiety, curious to hear what Maggie’s mother had to say.

      Putting down the phone, Johnny sat motionless at the end of his bed, letting the information sink in. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. Maggie was contemplating giving Harley up. And Sheila Donaldson had phoned to tell him he needed to do something because she feared for her daughter. Feared it would break her Maggie’s heart.

      Johnny looked quickly at the green neon clock on his bedroom wall. He needed to get it sorted. He’d had an idea but he wanted to run it past Saucers before he put it to Maggie. That’s if Maggie would speak to him again. He couldn’t blame her if she didn’t. First, however, he planned to give Gina a little visit to see exactly what she was doing with his money. More importantly, to see what she was doing with his daughter.

       CHAPTER NINETEEN

      Maggie bent over the sink and washed her face. The cold water felt soothing. She’d spent the last few hours with Harley, just the two of them having fun. They’d been to Hyde Park and Harley had squealed with delight as they’d fed the ducks. Then she’d burst into tears as they’d chased after her, wanting the bread she held in her hand.

      They’d gone to the children’s park where they’d swung high and low towards the tops of the trees. They’d made themselves dizzy by going on the roundabout too many times and then before all too long, it’d been over. Maggie had had to take Harley back to Gina’s so she could come to see her mother. Harley had cried. She had cried. It just wasn’t fair. Mainly though, it wasn’t fair for Harley. And the more she thought about it, the more Maggie realised that the decision she’d made was the right one.

      As Maggie stood up from the sink she let out a gasp. In the mirror, staring blankly at her was Tommy.

      ‘Tommy … Jesus. You gave me a fright.’

      ‘Did I, Maggie? I thought you were the brave one.’

      Maggie looked at Tommy. He looked pale and she could see sweat dripping down his forehead. He was clenching and unclenching his fist. Maggie took a step towards him but he stepped back quickly.

      ‘Tommy, why don’t you come downstairs, babe? Mum’s making the tea.’

      Tommy sat at the kitchen table with his mother and Maggie. It was the first time he’d seen her properly since she came out. It was nice to see her but he didn’t know how to tell her that. He’d wanted to say it when they’d been upstairs in the bathroom, but instead he’d just stared at her.

      He watched as his sister laughed, a dimple on her right cheek forming as she did so, her big blue eyes lighting up. All he wanted to do was hold her but all he could do was sit and stare. He could see he was making her feel uncomfortable.

      ‘You alright, Tommy?’

      Maggie stretched out her hand and touched his arm. It was like an electric shock and she was clearly hurt as he pulled his hand away.

      ‘I’m fine, why shouldn’t I be?’

      ‘I dunno; you just don’t seem yourself, babe.’

      Tommy gave Maggie a tight smile. She was trying to make things better, she’d always done that even as a kid. Fussing around him, desperate to make sure everything was alright, desperate to make him feel loved and safe when nothing ever did and nothing ever could be.

      He watched his mother and Maggie gassing away, seeing their mouths moving but not hearing anything they said. Things were getting difficult; muddled. He wanted to stop it but it was like the train had started rolling and he didn’t know how to get off it.

      The voice in his head was becoming deafening, the sounds getting louder until he wasn’t able to think straight. The nightmares had come back and he’d started waking up with his body sweating and his mouth parched dry.

      Last night he’d found himself walking through Soho in the early hours, stumbling around as if he was drunk. He’d visited the sauna on Brewer Street where he’d had a massage and then the full works. He’d thought it would’ve made a difference, releasing some of the energy which was whirling around his body but it’d only added to the feeling. He’d been like a wild dog; he’d fucked the Tom so hard she’d cried out for him to stop and

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