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      C. S. LEWIS

      SURPRISED

      BY JOY

      THE SHAPE OF MY EARLY LIFE

      

      ‘Surprised by Joy – impatient as the wind.’

      WORDSWORTH

       Copyright

      William Collins

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.WilliamCollinsBooks.com

      First published in Great Britain by Geoffrey Bles 1955

      Copyright © C. S. Lewis Pte Ltd 1955

      Cover design and illustration by Kimberly Glyder

      The right of C. S. Lewis to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988

      A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

      Source ISBN: 9780007461271

      Ebook Edition © OCTOBER 2010 ISBN: 9780007332311

      Version: 2015-12-05

       Dedication

       To Dom Bede Griffiths, O.S.B.

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       5 RENAISSANCE

       6 BLOODERY

       7 LIGHT AND SHADE

       8 RELEASE

       9 THE GREAT KNOCK

       10 FORTUNE’S SMILE

       11 CHECK

       12 GUNS AND GOOD COMPANY

       13 THE NEW LOOK

       14 CHECKMATE

       15 THE BEGINNING

       About the Author

       Also in This Series:

       About the Publisher

       PREFACE

      This book is written partly in answer to requests that I would tell how I passed from Atheism to Christianity and partly to correct one or two false notions that seem to have got about. How far the story matters to anyone but myself depends on the degree to which others have experienced what I call ‘joy’. If it is at all common, a more detailed treatment of it than has (I believe) been attempted before may be of some use. I have been emboldened to write of it because I notice that a man seldom mentions what he had supposed to be his most idiosyncratic sensations without receiving from at least one (often more) of those present the reply, ‘What! Have you felt that too? I always thought I was the only one.’

      The book aims at telling the story of my conversion and is not a general autobiography, still less ‘Confessions’ like those of St Augustine or Rousseau. This means in practice that it gets less like a general autobiography as it goes on. In the earlier chapters the net has to be spread pretty wide in order that, when the explicitly spiritual crisis arrives, the reader may understand what sort of person my childhood and adolescence had made me. When the ‘build-up’ is complete, I confine myself strictly to business and omit everything (however important by ordinary biographical standards) which seems, at that stage, irrelevant. I do not think there is much loss; I never read an autobiography in which the parts devoted to the earlier years were not far the most interesting.

      The story is, I fear, suffocatingly subjective; the kind of thing I have never written before and shall probably never write again. I have tried so to write the first chapter that those who can’t bear such a story will see at once what they are in for and close the book with the least waste of time.

      C. S. LEWIS

       1 THE FIRST YEARS

      Happy, but for so happy ill secured.

      MILTON

      I was born in the winter of 1898 at Belfast, the son of a solicitor and of a clergyman’s daughter. My parents had only two children, both sons, and I was the younger by about three years. Two very different strains had gone to our making. My father belonged to the first generation of his family that reached professional station. His grandfather

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